A disabled parking one ...

[NoCapes]

My mum is disabled, has a blue badge although she doesn't 'look disabled' (whatever the hell that means) so always gets funny looks and a few comments when using disabled bays

So tonight we went out and parked in a disabled bay, she put her badge in and we started to walk in
The disabled bay was sort of to the back of the venue we were going into and someone that worked there popped her head out of the back door and said they were saving the bay for their disabled friend and asked if we could move
I said "well actually we've got a blue badge so we're parked there"
She looked us both up and down and said "well my friend is in a wheelchair"
I basically just repeated that we had a blue badge, were there first and we were staying there
She said "so you're going to let my friend in a wheelchair park further away than you and you can walk?"
I said "this isn't disability top trumps, my Mum is disabled, we're in a disabled bay, we are not moving end of conversation"
And we went inside

So, who WBU?

TABs = Temporarily Able Bodied

I have a blue badge but i don't look disabled as my award was made on pain. I only ever use a disabled space if there are no other spaces, in my situation a wheelchair definitely trumps me, life in a wheelchair is a whole other world of difficulty imo.

There have been times when i have been really bad and have literally had to just drive home again when i cant get parked in a close/disabled space- that includes not getting to work or picking up my children- so i totally appreciate how shit it is when your plans are screwed up by parking issues.

However you can't save people parking spaces anyway so the person was totally BU!!

Disability is not as simple as saying wheelchair user and non wheelchair user.

I work with disabled children and their needs vary hugely. One of our old staff used a wheelchair and can get around without issue. She drives (too fast!) using hand controls and is completely independent. We work with some young people who use wheelchairs. Some need help with personal care or getting around, others do not. They are not all using wheelchairs for the same conditions.

We also work with a lot of non wheelchair users (my wheelie friend -her term not mine- calls them walkers) and again their needs vary. We have some children who really struggle to understand how dangerous car parks and roads are, some who really struggle to wait or have any change in routine eg a different store or parking space.

Disability is not as straight forward as it would first seem.

Where possible and necessary a conversation on who to have one remaining space between the two disabled people should have occured (I appreciate this would not have been immediately possible) or some negotiation.

Some difficulties linked to some disabilities are hidden and society is still learning and in need of much more education.

But the thing about being a wheelchair user trying to get out of a car is that you need the extra space a disabled parking spot provides otherwise you are trapped in the car. My mum is paralysed and drives and without a disabled parking place she cannot open the door to transfer into her wheelchair. She could travel further across a car park (although pushing across uneven surfaces could be tiring) but without a disabled spot she would have to turn round and go home.

As others have said, it's first come, first served though and if your friend needed the space then it's hers to use.

If she's in a wheelchair she can get across a car park better than someone hobbling
Not if she can't open the car door wide enough to get out or lacks the space to get the wheelchair out of the car. Then they may have a more difficult route to get to the entrance as they can't fit between cars as most people would walk.

However, disabled parking spaces are first come first served to anyone with a blue badge regardless of the reason.

"my wheelie friend" i really like that and will now be stealing it

as in my "wheelie dd"

Of course you're not bu.

I'm in awe at your response.

Samco my wheelie friend is a rascal. We went to a national conference for work. Her and I went to a training seminar thingy. To make a point the trainer asked us all to get up and leave the room and walk back in again. My friend put her hand up and asked 'May I be excused from the walking part?' The trainer was mortified! She made her point!

Another time at a petrol station she transferred herself back into her car and lifted the seat part of her chair from outside her door onto the passenger seat. She then proceeded to drive off with a man running after her car shouting 'you have left your wheels!'

She is one of those seriously smart people academically who does such funny things.

Ps wheelchairs vary. Manual chairs on some terrain can be eye wateringly difficult for someone self propelled or someone pushing. Electric wheelchairs are great for some terrain but beastly on wonky kerbs (also annoying that someone I know has a setting that goes faster than my walking speed so I have to skip/run to keep up- he finds this highly amusing..me? Mm less so!)

You were within your rights to park there.

But, in a case where there's only one or two spaces, I think people should actually play 'disability top trumps' so to speak.

If there were other, normal sized spaces nearby then it would have been easier for your mum to walk than for the employee's friend to get her wheelchair out of a normal sized space. So I would say YWBU not to move.

But if all the other spaces were far away then it would probably be easier for the employee's friend to manoeuvre than for your mum to walk a distance.

I think a bit of weighing up of options and needs was needed rather than a straight out refusal to consider moving.

It does depend on your mum's disability and need on the day tbh. My mum uses an electric wheelchair, as long as she has space to open the door and boot widely she can manage without a disabled space but not all can.

YANBU, you can't reserve a blue badge bay FFS.

If there were no other disabled spaces but nearby non disabled spaces it would be reasonable to ask the non wheelchair user if it would be possible for them to use one of those instead. But there should be no expectation of this. The principle should be first come first served.

A few people are suggesting that my mum isn't as disabled as a wheelchair user and should have given them the space - in this instance the wheelchair user wasn't even there so it's completely irrelevant.

But even if she was and we were there first why should my mum have to be the one to move?! You don't know what her disability is and neither did this other person, and she shouldn't have to explain her entire medical history everytime she parks somewhere.
The people that matter; the officials have deemed her 'disabled enough' to need a blue badge so why on earth shouldn't she use it? Should she never use a disabled bay just in case someone 'more disabled' comes along after her??
Ridiculous!

I use a wheelchair and I don't, depending on how I am on a particular day. Neither are 'easier' just different. But ywnbu, OP. Sounds like the venue needs more bays, though.

YWNBU, I would have said the same, but mainly because the other user was not there.

However, I think it would have been different if if the other user was arriving at the same time. I do not think it is a question of 'who is more disabled' but 'who needs the disabled space more' in practical terms.
If there are other spaces to park - does you mum's disability make her need a disable space (size, location, etc) or could she park somewhere else? If the latter, then I think you could leave the disabled space to the wheelchair user.

The people that matter; the officials have deemed her 'disabled enough' to need a blue badge so why on earth shouldn't she use it? Should she never use a disabled bay just in case someone 'more disabled' comes along after her??

That's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is that when I (also with a blue badge and an invisible illness) park, I would always choose a suitable non disabled space over a disabled space in case someone with higher need came along and then couldn't do their activity because they couldn't get parked. The blue badge award system is black and white but real life is not. I use my badge as an emergency arse saver for when I couldn't actually do the thing otherwise, rather than a golden ticket for a nice parking space.

However there is no debate here IMO as your mum was the only present disabled badge holder and the space was hers, and it was none of the member of staffs business.

I don't think that anyone is actually suggesting that your mum isn't disabled enough for her badge. There are some hypothetical suggestions that if 2 people want the same space, they could agree on who needs it more, but everyone seems to agree that you can't reserve a space, it is first come first served.