To say stay on your own or don't stay at all.

[jellycake]

Long story short: Dm has a new fella, he lives abroad, she lives a good 5 hours drive from me. I met him last time he was home, at my mum's house- he's ok, I found him fairly boring but not objectionable. Met him in total three times. He went back to his country but came back about a week ago. Dm and him seem to be inseparable, every time I phone her he is there and I feel like I can't have a proper conversation with her as she is different when he is around.
I phoned her tonight, he was there, they have been away for a few days. Normally at half term, she comes to stay with me for a few days. She asks if the two of them can come to stay. I don't have a lot of space so she said they would stay in a Travelodge.
The trouble is, I don't want him to come. I hardly know the man, I would like to spend some time with my mum and don't want to spend it with the stranger that she is when he is around. I feel like I should offer my bedroom and sleep in the spare room so that I am offering hospitality but...I don't want to.
I feel so unreasonable and childish, I'm 44 ffs. Do I need to get a grip?

YABU your DM has her own life too

Her love is over from Australia and she wants to spend all her time with him

Either have them both over or not at all

I'm afraid you're having a bit of a toddler tantrum. She's your mother - you don't own her. You don't have to have them staying in your house, and YWNBU to request a day/couple of mornings/afternoone of mother-daughter time, but you do sound a bit 'I want her to revolve around ME' and, whatever you think of her relationship patterns (4 relationships in 25 years doesn't necessarily sound excessive), she is her own person and YWBU not to accept that.

My DM has been widowed as long as your mum has been single. She has never had any sort of romantic attachment since my Dad died. Although I do occasionally wonder how I would feel if she took up with someone I disliked, even that would be preferable to her very lonely life now. She is just waiting to die so she can be with my dad.

Your mum has met someone you find a bit boring who appears to be giving her some joy and excitement. Lucky, lucky her. None of us know how long it will last but while it does it seems churlish to not welcome the two of them as a unit if that's what your mum wants. Set a precedent of insisting on a girls lunch or evening while he's there so you still get some private time.

They may only have spent a total of four weeks together, but the reality is that the relationship will be much more than that and they will have spent a lot of time phoning, emailing etc. That will also make the time they can actually spend together all the more precious to them. The reality is also that, if they're in a Travelodge, it's their choice - you could throw a fit and say the partner can't come to your house, but that would be daft. If you want to see her you need to accept that this is how it is; if you're that desperate to see her on her own, make the effort to visit her when he's gone. If she can travel for 5 hours, so can you.

Be kind, gentle will be off back to Oz soon, and may not visit again for a while and then you can have mum to yourself. He is 10,000 miles away usually so not likely to be dropping in on a regular basis.

You can afford to be generous here OP. You can open your home to both of them. Your mother will be so pleased to have her favourite people 'getting on'.
You can then wave him goodbye as he jets back to Oz and have your mum back to yourself.
I remarried a number of years ago but my children (grown up) aren't over enamoured with DH but I love my daughter even more for the way she rises above her own reservations and goes out of her way to make DH feel loved and included.

I think you sound like a petulant child to be honest. Your mum stopped making her life decisions around your preferences a long time ago. They've only been together a couple of months and he lives pretty much as far away as it's possible to get. Make a bit of effort and make this a nice visit for them both, for your mum's sake.

I think YABU, and a little bit selfish tbh. 4 times in 25 years doesn't sound like a person who rushes into romantic entanglements a lot. It sounds like she'd like your approval and to spend time with you both. If you really care about her this is something that you can do for her and be happy for her.

Yabvvu. Be happy that your mum knows how to live life and form relationships. Trust me, when she is elderly you'll be so glad she doesn't rely on you for company.

Yabu, you are 44 not a child. She is happy, mean of you to only see her if she comes alone. Why don't you visit when he goes back to aus? Are you married yourself?

She lives a good 5 hours drive from you, thats a long boring trip! I'd definately rather do that with company if I could.
If you want to see your mum on her own, you might be better off travelling to see her when hes on Oz rather than expecting her to miss out on the limited time they have together when he's here, of course shes going to want to make the most of that.

You can't help how you feel. However you have already acknoledged that you are being unreasonable. She has offered to stay in a hotel. Take her up on that. It's one break. If she decides to move to Australia,that's the time to strop. Not now.

Four relationships in 25 years really isn't fast op.