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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that DH could have asked how I am feeling today?

27 replies

Nyama · 19/05/2016 19:21

I had a car accident on Tuesday. It was quite nasty. Luckily I walked away, my kids weren't in the car and the other driver involved was fine. But my car was a write off, I was trapped in the drivers seat, had to wiggle out of the seat belt and climb through the sunroof. I've got loads of bruises, a really sore neck and shoulders, some small cuts from broken glass and was in shock. I had yesterday off work and today (back tomorrow). I feel much better today and have driven the kids around, cooked tea and tidied a bit.

DH back from work quite grumpy and hasn't asked how I am. He didn't this morning either.

AIBU to want a tiny bit of sympathy? I'm not normally a needy person but even I realise that actually I had quite a nasty experience?

OP posts:
BlueCheeseandcrackers · 19/05/2016 19:26

YNBU!! That sounds awful! I hope your ok! Flowers

TheNaze73 · 19/05/2016 19:35

YANBU, it's part of the job description for a partner

Original poster
Nyama · 19/05/2016 19:40

What shall I do? Weep silently in my bedroom or just sulk? Grin I'm trying to stay lighthearted but actually I feel quite miserable.

OP posts:
CopperPot · 19/05/2016 19:45

Why is he grumpy?

Original poster
Nyama · 19/05/2016 19:46

Don't know. I'll ask.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nyama · 19/05/2016 19:48

Work was busy (he runs his own business and it's been a tough year)

OP posts:
leelu66 · 19/05/2016 19:50

Sorry to hear about your accident Flowers

have you told him how you feel? I am always telling DH about his unreasonable behaviour, everytime he does it, in the hope that he soaks it up like a sponge. I think it does usually work, but there's loads of new ways he can be rubbish.

He could have had a bad day at work but your accident sounds like it could have been very bad so he needs to make a fuss of you. Tell him you need some re-assurance and you need to feel like he is there for you.

CopperPot · 19/05/2016 19:55

Would he usually be sensitive and fuss over you or is he more self absorbed?

VulcanWoman · 19/05/2016 19:56

You'll have to tell him right out, see what his reaction is, then decide whether he's made up enough, he's probably in the mode of working with blinkers on. Needs a kick up the ass so to speak, to remind him what's important in life.

Original poster
Nyama · 19/05/2016 20:01

He's usually self-absorbed. I don't normally mind too much but I'm actually a bit worried that I'm going to have some sort of massive delayed reaction.

OP posts:
CopperPot · 19/05/2016 20:26

That's sad. People don't change though so if he's self absorbed, he'll be like that whatever happens sadly. It's his default.

I think just sit him down and say it was a big deal what happened to you and that you expect him to ask how you are and a cuddle after he's walked in and had a piss etc

Pagwatch · 19/05/2016 20:27

Tell him. Tell him how you feel!
If he loves you he needs to know.

Original poster
Nyama · 19/05/2016 20:33

Thanks. I've said you haven't asked me how I am! He looked nervous and said how are you. I said feeling a bit better thanks. He said good. Then he changed the subject to what car we should get.

Bloody useless. Oh well. Just wish I had someone who would give me a fuss sometimes. Feeling a bit sorry for myself!

OP posts:
Pagwatch · 19/05/2016 20:37

Don't let it go or it will just continue.

Can't you say to him "I'm feeling shaken and upset and you are just ignoring it. What's the matter with you? If you were hurt I would be worrying about you and checking on you. Can't you see how hurtful your behaviour is?

Original poster
Nyama · 19/05/2016 20:39

I don't have the strength to have a row pagwatch. I'm a bit worried about myself though. Might start another thread.

OP posts:
Quietattheback · 19/05/2016 20:39

Don't blame you. I think we all need to be made a fuss of when we're feeling fragile.

Took my husband 36hrs to reply to a message (that i know he saw within 2hrs of me sending it) telling him I had been hospitalized.

But then he is an insensitive knob at the best of times, so true to form for him.

MrsBB1982 · 19/05/2016 20:40

Might be an 'out there' comment. My DH used to be great but became very self absorbed when he became depressed after a near career ending sporting accident. You say it's been a tough year work wise. Has he always been self absorbed or is it new?

Hope you really are feeling better soon. Near miss car accidents can reallyshake you up Flowers

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 19/05/2016 20:40

Say what pagwatch said. Exactly. Read it from your phone if needs be!

Hope you're ok Flowers

Pagwatch · 19/05/2016 20:41

Would that be a row? Confused
Don't you talk to each other about how you feel?

If you are not up to it then obviously don't. You might want to raise it sometime when you are feeling stronger or it will always be the same.
I hope you feel better.

gamerchick · 19/05/2016 20:46

I think I would have some sort of tantrum at that tbh. Useless article!

Sorry to hear about your accident OP Flowers

Original poster
Nyama · 19/05/2016 20:54

I think he probably is a bit depressed tbh

No sorry row was the wrong word, I just don't have the energy to be at all confrontational. I will though, when I am feeling better.

OP posts:
itmustbemyage · 19/05/2016 21:02

Sorry to hear about your accident OP. To be honest with you some men are just not that great with emotional support, my husband (been together 25 years) is rubbish at empathy so I rely on my female friends and my family for that . Husband sees things in very practical ways ( he also would think about replacing the car as the main issue). I have tried over the years to encourage him to be more responsive by telling him what I would like him to say or do but he just doesn't get it. He has many lovely qualities so I focus on those cause I'm sure that I don't do everything in the way that he would like. Do you have someone in RL that you can call for a bit of TLC? Feel free to have a good moan about DH at the same time.

Original poster
Nyama · 19/05/2016 21:10

Thanks. Yes I know you are right. I have talked to a couple of friends about it but I made it quite 'light' and a good story iyswim rather than saying actually I could have died and it's freaked me out. I don't have anyone I can say that to.

OP posts:
itmustbemyage · 19/05/2016 21:23

Please tell your RL friends Nyama about what really happened, if that happened to one of my friends I would really want to know. You have posted here but I really think you need some RL TLC, if you go back to work tomorrow I would guess that your workmates are going to ask how you are? I would suggest you don't play it down, tell them it was scary and you are still a bit shaken up, let them make you cups of tea ( if it is that sort of workplace?) you probably won't be a 100 per cent at work so you need to be honest with them and ask for help, if you need it.

Original poster
Nyama · 19/05/2016 21:27

I've got really upset and gone to bed. Dh just thinks I'm cross. Haven't got the energy to explain any more.

OP posts: