To not want to go OUT Friday night for send off meal for an uncle I’ll never see again.

[FamiliarSting]

I have never been close to any of my dad’s family.

My dad’s mother died a couple of weeks ago, the funeral was last Friday and his brother, who I’ve never met and who hasn’t visited or been in contact with my dad for 35 years, came back to go to the funeral.

On Friday evenings me and my two children go to my parents’ house for dinner. Last Friday my dad’s brother came too. We barely spoke, he spent most of the evening playing with my dad in their games room.
He was supposed to be leaving this Wednesday but extended his stay to Saturday morning.

My mum just texted me to ask if I’d mind eating at my dad’s sisters place on Friday instead, so that we could have a ‘goodbye meal’. The original plan was that he’d come to my parents’ again.
My dad’s sister is in a wheelchair and doesn’t want to go out anywhere, though he’s taken her places before so she could, if she really wanted to.

There would be my parents, my dad’s brother, his sister, me and my two daughters, 7 and 3. (His sister is nice but we’ve never been close. We're closer than I am with his other two siblings, we see her a few times per year, the rest of his family not at all.)

I do not want to go. Call me miserable but I do not enjoy going out anywhere on a Friday evening. I find the week tiring, I enjoy chilling out on Fridays; my parents’ house is two minutes walk away, we eat together, chat, play, the kids have a bath, then we go home, perfect.

Eating at my aunt’s house would involve a stressful 30 min + drive, traffic’s always bad on Fridays, I’ve only driven there once so would have to follow my parents which I'd find very stressful. I am an anxious driver and prefer to avoid traffic when possible. Her house is a small flat, not child unfriendly but nothing other than the TV to entertain the kids. My 3 year old is a lot of work, won’t sit still, she’ll to touch everything, explore, harass the little dog, run around and play, normal 3 year old stuff but in that environment it’s just not going to be fun.

I have no relationship with my dad’s brother and I don’t expect to ever see him again which is fine by me. He made no effort to really talk to me when he could have on Friday (to be honest I’m glad he didn’t.)
It’s not a big family send off – the other 2 siblings don’t care enough to come. Me, the kids and my parents will visit his sister in the holidays when I’m less tired and stressed but I don’t feel a need to visit him.

I like to also add that I’m an introvert and I find any kind of lengthy social interaction emotionally draining. I feel exhausted when I finally get away – I don’t why this is but I get like that with everyone other than OH, my DDs and my parents – even close friends that I like and actually enjoy seeing. I feel tired just thinking about spending my evening this way.

I know I’m being a bit lazy and selfish for not wanting to go, but what is the point? Would I be really unreasonable to text my mum to say we’ll sit this one out but they should feel free to go there and eat without us this week?

30 mins drive ?

I agree with the PP, following another car is not safe, and stressful in traffic. If you really can't find your way there, take one of your parents in your car to give directions!

Do it for your Dad, just strap on your 'Can Do' attitude and get on with it.

I can highly recommend the Waze, sat nav app. It's easy to use and follow.

Just buy a we clip to attach your phone to your dashboard for safety

YANBU for not wanting to go. You don't have to if you don't want to, thats enough of a reason

But you are really, really building an anxiety case for not going - introvert, 30 minute drive (wow, a whole 30 minutes...! ) . Youve a car so can presumably get you and your children around via use of a SatNav if need be. Its one night, not one week!

"Introvert" is now becoming a new catch-all buzzword for "can't be asked" or "I just want to be different" or "sometimes I don't fancy being sociable" (nothing special - we all feel like that at times) on MN, its ridiculous the proud self-labelling that goes on around all that.

If you don't want to go then just don't go, and don't allow yourself to be pressured into it, thats all

I think your dad could do with some support here. I assume that dad and brother aren't that close either so it would make it easier if more people are around. I understand it's not your ideal evening but it would be a nice thing to do for your parents. They'll know about your anxiety and lack of confidence with driving so surely it wouldn't be a problem to pick you and children up. Take some games books toys to keep kids entertained, playing with them will help pass the time.

So it’s pretty much unanimous then! I guess I knew that really.

I can’t get a lift with my parents are there’ll be no room in the car for me, the kids and my uncle as well as my parents.

And I probably will have my mum with me in our car, but she doesn’t know the way. Believe it or not, the one time I drove there before I had my mum with me, used the sat nav, and we still managed to get slightly lost! I know it’s laughable! And it’s 30 minutes without traffic, without getting lost! I look at maps and google earth before I go anywhere new and I know it’s really not a big deal, but as I said, anxious driver and I can’t help but stress about it.

BackforGood
If I've read it right you go to your Mum's every week - he is only here as a 'one off' at this time.

Yep, but if he had any real interest in forging a relationship with us surely he’d have made some attempt to stay in some sort of contact in the 35 years since he left the country? He never even phoned his mother whose health had been slowly declining for a long time. He was in email communication with one of his sisters. Nobody really expected him to come to the funeral.

Tessticklesyourfancy
No he and my dad had no relationship since he left but they’ve spent a lot of time together over the past week and a half along with their sister and have really hit it off. He doesn’t have a problem being with him at all, but I can understand that he’d like the rest of his family around to say goodbye to him.

Your Dad lost his Mum less than a month ago. A bereavement can often have effects on family ties. It can create a desire to forgive people their past wrongs and forge stronger bonds with family members. It makes you aware of how short life can be and how precious family moments are. It sounds like this is what is happening with your Dad.

Do something nice for him. I bet he's made bigger sacrifices for you throughout his life. It's one night. Stop making excuses to yourself.

Yeah, you're right, MissBattleaxe, thanks.

You don't want to go, so don't, but it is a bit mean on your dad. I think you would spoil it with your sourpuss-ness(!) anyway

But you never know - you may even (gasp - horror of all horrors) enjoy yourself! Although I doubt it as you sound like you would want to make yourself have a rubbish time.

Sorry Familiar - posted whilst you were updating.

Call me miserable
Yes.

missbattleaxe has said what I meant, op.
When you lose a parent (as your uncle has) , it makes you re-evaluate your relatnships with others. Its brings into focus that noone is here for ever.

I think you're being U.

Don't you have an iphone you can use as a sat nav? Google maps does driving directions and speaks to you - blue tack your phone to the dash or something.