Did I react in the wrong way?

[SpunBodgeSquarepants]

So today myself, DS (2.3) and DS's father went out for a quick meal (think cheap chain type restaurant).

We had just sat down and got DS in his highchair when a severely autistic boy (I would say late teens) approaches our table and is clearly enamoured with DS, smiling and waving his hands. He then goes to DS and strokes his hair, and then embraces him tightly and kisses the top of his head.

DS is like a deer in the headlights - he looks panicked and his bottom lip starts to go, so I smile and say 'Aww DS - you're getting a big cuddle! Good boy!'

Meanwhile this guy's mum is telling him to leave the little boy alone and let go, which he does, she says 'I'm really sorry' and I wave my hand and say 'it's fine'.

My question is this - did I react in the right way, considering my DS was clearly distressed with having a stranger hug him like that? DS father said to me 'Why did you tell her it was 'fine'?? DS was clearly not fine!'

I was more bothered with keeping my DS calm as the guy was hugging him so tight I don't think I could have wrestled him away even if I tried!

Cauliflower, that's brilliant - thank you.

I think you got it right. It was the least stressful option as there was no way you could predict how the young man would have reacted if your DS had shouted No!

I think that you did the right thing. "It's fine" did not mean that what he was doing was OK, it let her know that you appreciated her response and that during your quick risk assessment, you decided that letting him have a squeeze was better than the distress that would be caused by asking him to back off, and the embarrassment for the mum that that would cause.

My DS is ADHD and one thing that I've noticed being his mum is how anxious I get when he is doing things that are inappropriate, and that people often say "it's fine" and I know that they don't mean, that they're thrilled with his behaviour, but that is causes much less stress for them for it to continue for a few minutes than the stress that I feel worrying about it being inappropriate IYSWIM?

I think you did fine OP, but if it happens again, don't be afraid to gently tell the hugger to do it gently, he's only little etc.

I would interpret your 'it's fine' as meaning 'not to worry, no harm done, I understand you didn't intend that to happen'. Your dh seems to have heard it more as 'it's fine for strangers to hug DS', but I don't get the sense that's what you meant.