To not want a Eulogy 'marked'?

[sukisoo]

Ive written a eulogy which I have written for a funeral next week. It is for my DM who died suddenly 3 weeks ago.

I've sent it to my sister and my auntie asking for more input as its turned out to be a bit of a biography (with some humour) and I don't know much about her early career or life at school. My sister has come back changing my grammar and saying shed use a different 'adjective' for something and has put in full stops etc. She's also said i should use the word 'collecting' instead of 'gathered' (in relation to my thoughts) - isn't it the same thing?

My auntie has changed where I've written 'until they moved ready for me and sister to join them' to 'for my sister and i to join them'...which is correct by the way?

They haven't come back with what i wanted which was ideas of funny stories about her as I've had a mind blank and just marked me like I'm at school. The funny thing is that my sis wrote repeatedly 'I think you need shorter SENTANCES'.

AIBU? (maybe a bit sensitive)

So sorry for your loss sukisoo. No, you really didn't need or want a spell and grammar check. That would have been highly irritating under normal circumstances but right now, must have been pretty crap to receive. Perhaps they just misunderstand what you were asking for. I imagine no one is concentrating or functioning at full tilt right now.

Spelling and grammar totally isn't important right now, just that the spirit and personality of your DM is captured in words. Try not to take it personally. Hopefully they weren't being deliberately insensitive. Can you ask them again for any funny stories about your Mum? It's really hard to think straight or remember things easily when you are very upset. I really hope you are all able to come up with something that you feel does your Mum proud.

Well it's your sister's mother too? So maybe she wants the eulogy to be as perfect as it can be? At least she's not causing a fuss over you doing one. I'd let it go and be quietly irritated.

Yanbu but at times like this I think least said soonest mended has never been truer.
You're not obliged to be the bigger person, you're hurting just as much but in grief some words become indelible because the situation blows up beyond control; your sister clearly has issues with you that are her problem but if she's able to make remarks like that in cold blood then this has the potential to get very nasty.
I feel it would make the funeral and grieving your mum easier for you if this didn't happen. I think the suggestions up thread get the point across without being too confrontational and giving either of them a reason to blow up at you.

It sounds like you've tried to make your mum's eulogy inclusive to all who will be there as well as personal, that's something everyone will appreciate. What's most important though is that you loved her and whatever you end up saying (as these things often change right up to the day as memories occur or are shared) will be honouring that and the person she was.
I'm sorry you have to do it at all though

Thank you everyone.

DSIS would never have done the eulogy, she is very introverted like that. Perhaps I should have offered it to her but felt natural for me as the eldest to do it.

It went well today. Lots of lovely comments about how proud she would have been of me which was lovely as I am proud of her too.

I'm glad it went well

Sorry to hear about your Mum.

Your eulogy will be naturally something you feel protective and proud of. It's such an emotional thing. But of course you sought feedback on it from others as it's the right thing to do.

Their feedback has been limited to small changes in punctuation and grammar only. I think you should take that as a big vote of confidence; they obviously think it's good if they haven't tried to add or change things significantly.

I think you should therefore incorporate their suggestions. They are minor in the scheme of things, and you are all in grief together.

Gah! Just seen it's already happened. Must learn to RTFT!

I'm glad it went well too, that is the most important thing

I'm really glad it all went well.

I'm glad it went well and there were people there able and willing to give you credit for what you've done and said today. Be kind to yourself over the next weeks and months - it can take a long time, especially if the loss is sudden.