Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Is knowing your neighbours a 'class' thing?

49 replies

StuRedman · 17/05/2016 16:58

I'm not even sure I mean class, maybe income level? Bear with me.

I live on a small new build estate, made up of large 4/5 bed detached houses and then some HA terraces and a small block of shared ownership flats. About forty properties in total. We've all lived here for two years.

Most of the people who live in the flats/terraces are friends. Their children all play out together, they pop into each other's houses for coffee or to borrow stuff, they mind each other's children, help out with other things, basically a really tight and supportive little community. This includes one anomaly family from the detached houses.

The other detached houses on the other hand, despite also being predominantly young families, are only on nodding terms with each other. They'll take in parcels etc but that's about it.

I've been thinking on it for a little while and wondering if it's just coincidence or whether there is some sort of social conditioning at play. I don't like class lables but I suppose what I mean is that the outwardly 'middle class' lot don't socialise with each other like the 'working class' lot do.

Does your experience of where you live bear out my theory or am I barking?

P.S I am genuinely not being goady, I'm just having a ponder.

OP posts:

peggyundercrackers · 17/05/2016 17:33

no definitely not a class thing. we live in a detached Victorian villa as do all our neighbours and we all know each other by name and go to each others for drinks, bbq, cup of tea, Christmas drinks - anything really as long as drink is involved :) everyone is really friendly - after all those drinks you would expect them to be...

Kitty3E · 17/05/2016 17:34

Manon just feel that from my experience and others

RedToothBrush · 17/05/2016 17:36

No. Its down to where you all park.

Littleballerina · 17/05/2016 17:39

I live in a detached farm house (I mention farm as the area is a huge mix of farmers and people who simply enjoy country living). we're on 'hello' but nothing more terms with the neighbours simply because we all work long/ unsociable hours.

Just5minswithDacre · 17/05/2016 17:39

The HA tenants probably have more to bring them together (moaning about the HA for one thing), slightly more need to reciprocate favours and perhaps feel looked down on by others (would they describe the people in the o/occupied houses as standoffish? It's all a matter of viewpoint) which binds them together a bit (??)

WreckingBallsInsideMyHead · 17/05/2016 17:40

I live in a block of flats, will nod hello but that's about it, and don't hear others chatting in the hallway or see communal bbqs etc, I think everyone keeps to themselves.

When I lived in a row of terraced houses we were on saying hello terms with our neighbours, both sides had children so they used our garden as a shortcut which we didn't mind (although their toddler scared me regularly by climbing the wall!) but other than to assure them that we didn't mind, we didn't really chat to them much

AllMyBestFriendsAreMetalheads · 17/05/2016 17:44

I agree that proximity plays a part. I live in a terrace and it's impossible not to hear your neighbours and get to know them through that. I know when my neighbour's teenagers are in the shit and I'm sure they know when DH and I my two are winding each other up as well.

I used to live in a detached house, with plenty of space in between our neighbours. We only ever met one of our neighbours, and that was only because we were looking for the cat. Never even saw the people from the other 2 houses in almost 2 years.

On class, I would cheekily suggest that there are really only two classes - working class and upper class. The working class divide themselves into groups, those that are happily working class and those that don't want to be working class

RedToothBrush · 17/05/2016 17:45

Oh and YABU to assume that shared ownership or housing association tenants are a different class to you.

I'm middle class and did have a shared ownership house managed by a housing association, not because I'm 'lower class' but because I was a first time buyer who couldn't afford a 3 or 4 bedroom detached property, like a lot of people my age. Our household income was not that different to friends who are ten years older but had bigger properties.

cocochanel21 · 17/05/2016 17:45

When I had Dd1 many years ago I lived in a council flat. My neighbours were exactly how you describe op. I stayed there for nearly 15 years and loved it some of my neighbours I'm still friends with today.

I now live in a small development with 6 detached 4/5 bed homes. Stayed here 6 years the neighbours are friendly enough take in parcels for you,give you a wave when they pass you in their car, have been to a couple of BBQ over the year's. I don't think I would ever have the same relationship I had with my previous neighbours. Some of my best times were spent with my old neighbours.

scaryteacher · 17/05/2016 17:46

In the UK we have a house in a smallish village, and we mostly know each other/get involved with things. I have been told I will be on the rota for committees and all sorts when we move back.

We currently live in Belgium, and I know my next door but one neighbours well, as we have known each other for 25 years now (HM Forces), but I am just on waving and nodding terms with the others.

nennyrainbow · 17/05/2016 17:46

There may be something in it, even after living proximity and stage of life are taken into account. I can imagine that higher earning parents might be less comfortable with inviting strangers' children into their homes than lower income parents. Coupled with the fact that the children from wealthier families are more likely to have swings and outdoor toys in their own back gardens so less likely to use public playgrounds where they would meet other children.

Original poster

StuRedman · 17/05/2016 17:50

Redtoothbrush I certainly don't believe that and thought I'd made that quite clear in my OP, I just wasn't sure how else to easily describe the divide. We are as common as muck btw and skint, we've just done well with property over the years.

OP posts:

Permanentlyexhausted · 17/05/2016 18:01

I don't think it is a class thing. I think it just depends on having one or two gregarious or friendly people who make the effort. It helps that DH is one of those people.

Ragwort · 17/05/2016 18:09

Agree with Permanently - I think it totally depends on your nature - if you are friendly and outgoing you will mix with anyone and everyone - some people are just reserved/shy/prefer their own company or aloof .

We live on a very mixed estate and our house is in the 'posher' bit - after a couple of months my neighbour, who is born and bred in this town (we are incomers) said to me 'you know more people than I do' - because she did nothing, didn't mix with anyone, had one close friend, no social contacts apart from social media. I am the sort of person who finds it really easy to make friends, join in community events, get out and about.

Kr1stina · 17/05/2016 18:17

I am vair posh and know all my neighbours . But we live in the country so its normal here.

YoJesse · 17/05/2016 18:36

I think with young kids not having a garden plays a big part. I'm always down the local playground late afternoon now it's light and always see the same faces. If we had gardens we'd probably just chuck them out there!

Dixiechickonhols · 17/05/2016 18:45

Could it just be logisitics. The families in the 4 beds are at both out at work all day (to pay mortgage), kids in wrap around/daycare perhaphs more sahm/part time in the cheaper housing.

We live on a new build estate (I'm a 4 bed dweller) We take parcels in, say hello but not in and out of houses. Daughter plays out/kids come in our house. But everyone is out in the day (except me as I now wfh)

akkakk · 17/05/2016 18:47

I think that the upper class all know their neighbours - just maybe a few thousand acres between them ;)

BillSykesDog · 17/05/2016 19:11

The upper classes do know their neighbours. They're their tenants and their families serfs since about 1306.

SpringerS · 17/05/2016 19:52

Surely it's to do with who is home during the day? In neighbourhoods with a high incidence of home workers, retired people and stay at home parents people are far more likely to get to know and develop relationships with their neighbours. In areas where all the adults in every house work away from home then the odds are that neighbourly relations are more distant as they just don't have enough time to really develop.

I live in a detached house, as do all my neighbours and we all get along really well, have long chats when we see each other, the kids play in each others gardens. I'm a stay at home mum, the man to my left works from home, the woman to my right is retired and the family on the other side of her always has one adult at home during the day, etc.

Original poster

StuRedman · 17/05/2016 20:02

Most of the neighbours work full time, in fact all but three (I'm one of them).

OP posts:

WeeM · 17/05/2016 20:09

Do the terraced houses/flats share a common bit of ground? Because in my street the folk that live in the terraced houses all seem very friendly and are always out on the front together because there is a shared grassy bit. I'm in a semi and whilst my neighbours next door are of a similar age with a child the same age as ours we don't socialise. I keep meaning to invite them over though as they are lovely! Maybe I will now you've posted about it lol!

JamesBlonde1 · 17/05/2016 20:10

Perhaps a higher proportion of those in the rented properties don't work so have more time during the day to develop neighbour relations. If my work hours are anything to go by I'm lucky to spend quality time with my family, never mind the neighbours.

Waltermittythesequel · 17/05/2016 20:13

I think you're right, actually. .
I don't know if it's income/class/upbringing.

My sister and I, for example, live in the same village. My estate is much smaller and more affluent than hers.

Hers is predominantly low/no income families. They all know each other, sit in their front gardens in the sun gossiping etc.

It's quite a lovely atmosphere at times. My estate is very quiet and subdued I suppose, in comparison though I do prefer it that way.

In saying that, it's not without its problems; robbed cars, fights on the street etc. But then nowhere is.

My point is, it has been my experience that lower income/"class" families are closer and certainly friendlier. I don't think it's disparaging to say so.

Flip

1 2