to be annoyed about this grandmother?

[deliverdaniel]

Our good friends have 2 DDs age 3 and 5, we have 2 DS's of 2 and 5. We look after each others kids from time to time, but both acknowledge that it is pretty hard work to look after all four together and so only ask the other one in emergencies/ if we are really stuck. Usually if we see each other for playdates etc, the adults (usually me adn the other mum) will stick around.

The friends went away for a two days without the kids and their grandmother came to stay in their house to look after the girls. They gave the grandmother our number as an emergency contact. Day 1, after she picks the girls up from preschool the grandmother calls me. I got very worried seeing her number pop up as I assumed it was an emergency. She asked me if she could bring the girls over for a playdate. I said yes assuming she would stay around. But when she turned up it was clear she wanted to drop off the girls with me and go out for the afternoon by herself. There was no emergency, she just obviously couldn't be bothered to look after them. But it was hard to say no because when they arrived the kids were excited to see each other and it was hard to disappoint them. Having all four all afternoon was hard work and meant I couldn't take my two out for the afternoon as I didn't have enough car seats. AIBU to be annoyed? Or am I being precious?

Granny should have stayed.

I'd have to have a word with your friends and say how surprised you were to get a phone call from Granny so soon after they left and how even more surprised you were when she brought them over for a 'playdate' and then left you with all 4 kids and see what they say.

They may be completely unaware of how Granny handled looking after her grandchildren.

They should be the ones to talk with Granny and say how your number is for emergencies only and this wasn't an emergency.

YANBU to be annoyed at this Granny - not in the slightest.

Wow. Somewhere between cheeky and a misunderstanding.
However you were a bit U to agree.

Just make sure you have an excuse lined up next time she tries it.

I have kids a similar age, my mum regularly helps with them but she's never dump them on someone else!

I think it's possible that she doesn't know about modern playdates

But she was just fine with just ringing someone up and inviting two children to stay for the afternoon?! That's hardly play date etiquette from now or 30 years ago?!

Only skimmed thread, but if she's only got the kids for 2 days why is she off loading on day 1 ?! Bit cheeky.

Personally i would never drop my 5 year old AND 2 year old off with someone as a 'play date', it would be more getting together with the other mum with kids in tow. 2 year olds don't really have play dates - dropping off means just someone else with a 2 year old looking after yours as well, hopefully while the 5 year olds play together.

Oh and there's nothing 'modern' about sticking around to help out with 4 little kids playing. My eldest is 22 and i wouldn't have left her and her sisters at that age.

"if she's only got the kids for 2 days why is she off loading on day 1 ?!"

Can't help wondering if she already had plans or didn't really want to to it!

You need to talk to your friend, Op.

I'm be really cross with my mum for that, unless I'd coerced her in the first place.

YANBU but possibly just a misunderstanding on her part.

Your turn today though yes?

Can't help wondering if she already had plans or didn't really want to to it!

That crossed my mind too. Maybe she had an appointment or something.

I'm guessing OP with be back to tell us GM went to have eyelash extensions done of coffee with her mates

or not of

coming round and staying with the kids is not really a playdate is it?
a playdate is just the kids
or that's how we always saw it.

but YANBU re the gm inviting them over, dropping and running!

When was this, OP? Are the children's parents now home?

I agree it is very cheeky. I don't suppose she wanted to go off somewhere though, she was probably finding it absolutely exhausting as it's relentless. My mum very very occasionally babysits for us and was furious once when I said they couldn't have any tv when she was here as I'd banned it as a punishment that day (and hence for the short amount of time she'd have with them before bed).

YANBU she clearly didn't want to be looking after them if she'd dumped them on you for half the total time she's got them.

thanks so much everyone. Sorry- got distracted but back now.

I get what people are saying about how play dates used to be drop off, but was that really true for 2/3 year olds? I asked my mum and she said that she wouldn't have dropped me off at age 3 as a playdate- it would definitely be a childcare favour- especially if the other parent also had a toddler. This grandmother lives in another city from the DGC and only sees them 2-3 times a year. She had to fly in for this. So seems very werid that she wouldn't want to spend the time with them. she wouldnt have had an important appointment or anything to go to as she doesn't live here. I think she just went home and read her book. I agree, I should have said no, but it's sometimes quite hard in the moment.

Maybe she felt the same when approached by her daughter to watch them and needed a little break?

Don't shoot the messenger but ...I think she got overwhelmed, having to mind her dgc all day on her own, so although it's a misunderstanding of sorts, she needed a break?

We don't know the age of grandma, she may be a hale and hearty 50yo, not in her dotage, and if she felt it too much she shouldn't have taken it on. frankly I think she was taking the piss.

I'm in my forties. We lived in the same road as four other families and lived in and out of each other's houses - our mums were friends before we were born.
Up to age 4 or 5, we weren't left unless it was specifically "Can you look after X while I just nip to....". There was no dumping and running on a standard play date. Once we started school, it all changed, and we were left for play dates.
But it was either "Would the children like to play together?" In which case parents came too, or "Could you look after them for a while."
That was in the seventies. So the idea of staying on a play date is not a new one at all. Not when the children are 3.

the question is -who benefitted by this 'arrangement'? The answer leads me to think since she initiated it AND she benfitted , that was the plan.

Play date etiquette has surely ALWAYS been--- if you want the children to play- you invite and host at your OWN house?! Grandma was being very cheeky and I hope you've told your friend!

You didn't have to say no, OP, you should have just said 'You need to stay and watch your grandchildren' then the play date could have gone ahead.

The children's parents may have mentioned that if she needed a break all 4 kids happily play together without actually saying she needed to stay soon. I wouldn't immediately think badly of the grandmother in this case.

I don't know how old she is but i guess in her sixties- she is in good health, still working etc definitely not frail. I get that she needed a break, and had she called and said something like "i 'm so sorry, i had forgotten how hard this was etc etc, would you mind possibly doing me a favour and taking them for a couple of hours so I can catch my breath" I would have been quite sympathetic. But if she needs a break from 2 as a one off, it seems strange that she wouldn't acknowledge that looking after 4 is hard work and a favour!

Agree with pp who talked about growing up in the seventies- that was my experience too. Older kids went in and out of each others houses as playdates. Younger kids it was always a babysitting/ childcare favour. Thanks everyone for the replies!