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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to get angry about the looks I get??

38 replies

MrJones1977 · 15/05/2016 10:50

Quick back story, my DP and I have a 10 yr old(from her previous relationship) and 3 yr old girl(from our relationship) My partner has a good job she has worked hard in to climb the ranks. As my job was okay but not super I found an evening job so I can do the child care and so my partner could stay at hers.
Here's the thing, when I did school runs(the best oldest now walks to school by herself) and go shopping I get the scewiest/dirty looks from some mothers as if I am some sort of unemployed bum. And some of the looks the schoolyard mothers gave me would imply I was some kind of,well you get the idea. My partner and I work hard,get no benefits at all and do our best by our kids.
AIBU getting annoyed with the people who look at me like a common serf? Do I need to wear a T shir proclaiming I am a working dad? Has anyone else been in a similar situation and found a way to combat this?

OP posts:

IthinkIamsinking · 15/05/2016 11:59

I find this hard to believe. You sound quite paranoid.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 15/05/2016 12:02

at dad with a resting bitch face. If you're the only dad, you probably stick out a bit but maybe you have a small chip on your shoulder?
No advice, but hope things improve.

hmcAsWas · 16/05/2016 17:10

Resting bitch face is an issue. I look permanently miserable when inside my heart is singing!

Believeitornot · 16/05/2016 17:12

Maybe they're miserable because it is the school run and it is nothing to do with you.

The world does not revolve around you.

wigglesrock · 16/05/2016 17:19

My husband does more than half the pick ups from school for our kids - he also takes the youngest one to the park for the hour before the older ones finish - he's never mentioned anyone giving him funny looks and he has an infamous grumpy in repose face. There's loads of men doing school runs - dads, grandas, older brothers, childminders at my kids school. No-one has ever passed comment when I've been in earshot.

nobilityobliges · 16/05/2016 18:09

Honestly, there are so many threads on here written by women who think that they're being sneered at by other mothers at the school gates. It's not a gendered thing at all. I think that either (1) people at the school gate are quite cliquey or (much more likely) (2) a lot of people feel paranoid among people they sort of recognise but don't talk to and think that they are being excluded.

Think about it - why would people who are themselves at the school gate look down on someone else because he's at the school gate?? It just doesn't make sense. They may well assume you're a SAHD, but since many of them will be SAHMs and all of them are mothers they are definitely not going think this equates to unemployed bum.

I think that you need to make peace with the fact that you're doing lots of childcare. It sounds like you feel a bit conflicted about this decision.

NarpIsNotACunt · 16/05/2016 18:16

hmc

My mother once memorably said to me the reason that no-one asked me for slow dances at discos as a teen was because "you look grumpy in repose"

coco1810 · 16/05/2016 18:20

I feel you dude! I also work nights and get "the look" because generally I look rough after working until 5am and getting an hours sleep before the school run!

Sunnsoo · 16/05/2016 19:42

You must have a very well-behaved DD if this is what you're worrying about in the park/supermarket!

SeekEveryEveryKnownHidingPlace · 16/05/2016 19:44

Maybe the fact that you use phrases like 'unemployed bum' and 'serf' is a bit telling here. If you tend to think in those terms, that might be why you're paranoid everyone else is making the kinds of judgment you know you would make.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 16/05/2016 19:49

Maybe they have resting bitch face.

BertrandRussell · 16/05/2016 19:53

It's all the feminists. They want to kill you and eat your entrails.

Lymmmummy · 16/05/2016 19:54

If it's any consolation - lots of other school mums will feel this way too

There are cliques some of which are a bit bitchy so there is no point pretending there are not - but equally some of the groups are the result of certain groups of people just knowing each other better and therefore seeking each other. Therefore some of this may be you reflecting your own discomfort rather than anyone actually being rude or assuming anything. Truthfully most people are too preoccupied with themselves at drop off they probably are not giving you a second thought. I don't think most would be bothered by a man picking up children in this day and age.

There is a guy at our primary school (which is in prime middle class smug yummy mummy territory) he had a child later at 50 is very working class in his ways (as am I) - his wife works and he stays at home - a nicer guy you could not wish to meet. He is very well liked - but he has made lots of effort himself to join stuff like PTA or various things in the village - though God knows it must have been hard for him.

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