To think my mother needs to respect my privacy more?

[maxmaxdress]

21 and still live at home. I get that im lucky, really I do. I have the luxury of being able to work part time so I can volunteer to train up for my future career.

Anyway- she keeps, what I think is, invading my privacy.

1. She will walk in on me while im in the shower. Not accidentally- will actually come in and talk to me and point things out like "why have you shaved down there" or "your backs particularly hairy, ill shave it for you" and I have to be quite forceful for her not to to the extent I know ive hurt her feelings. She walks in on me getting dressed etc too.

1. The other week I went to the GP and got put on the pill. I got the third degree- who are you sleeping with etc etc. She said "it wasnt a problems with her really its nice that im taking precautions". Bit weird no- id understand if I was 15/16 but im an adult now and surely entitled to more privacy and it isnt really her business?

1. She will look through my belongings- my car, my bag- you name it, she will have a peek. Has only in the last year or so stopped opening my mail. She also constantly hides my cigarettes- OK. The idea of your child dying of lung cancer isnt the nicest but its clear im not going to quit and it pisses me off because it means Im spending more £ on cigarettes when there is no necessity. Its the principle that shes causing me to spend more money that she complains I dont have enough of. I smoke maybe a pack a week but end up buying 2 beccause she constantly hides them. Thats £10 a week im spending on nothing.

1. She thinks she can dictate what I wear. I can walk downstairs and she will say "oh I wouldnt wear that" leavig me thinking well thats nice, but im not you. Its the same with everything really- hairstyle, music, food I eat, jobs I choose to do etc.

AIBU?

Lock the doors and tell her why.

And if you and your boyfriend are serious enough to move in together, any reason why they haven't met each other yet? Maybe that would alleviate her worries/concerns? It's got to happen sometime.

And do you pay rent? It might mark the difference between her being able to interfere and not.

She's afucking weirdo.

My Mum can be a bit like this when she comes to stay, I am 50, she is 75.

YANBU - you're an adult and your mum is way out of order....especially with the shower thing!! I mean, I'm comfortable with certain levels of nudity - for example, I'm staying with my parents this weekend with DD while DH is working away. Mum was watching DD (1yo) in the bath for me while I got her pjs sorted, and I was desperate for a wee! So I went in the bathroom and peed while mum and DD were in there....but that's a bit different to her walking in while I'm in the shower and criticising my intimate grooming habits
Are you then only DC left living at home??
Maybe your mum is trying to baby you because she scared of the day that you leave home? My mum suffered dreadful "empty nest syndrome" when both me and my sister moved out within a couple of years of each other.

Just lock the bathroom door and ignore her when she knocks.

As PPs have said, you do need to move out ASAP. I think the best option would be to get a room in a shared flat or house, preferably with friends. Moving in with your boyfriend is a big step and you shouldn't rush into it just because you're desperate to get away from your mother.

You would probably find it helpful to read Toxic Parents by Susan Forward. You could also check out the Stately Homes thread.

PS Keep your car locked and don't give her access to the key. Get a padlock for your handbag and/or a small safe for your bedroom and/or a lock on your bedroom door.

Completely inappropriate in my view. I don't just walk into the bathroom and I have an 8 yr old! I alway knock because it shows her I respect her privacy!