AIBU to think I shouldn't reimburse joint account with income shortfall after going p/t to look after DD?

[TrixieLox]

For context: my DH and I have a joint account. We also have our own accounts where he adds his overtime money, and I add my freelance income.

I reduced my hours this year after returning from maternity leave, but have been making up the 'loss' of income to the joint account by transferring money from my personal account on a monthly basis. This means that nothing has changed financially for our joint account, but I'm out of pocket in my own personal account. NB. It's not the exact shortfall, it takes into account the nursery fees we're saving. Also NB. I suggested this 'arrangement', DH agreed.

However, none of my friends seem to do this and it's dawning on me, maybe I've been a bit 'over-generous'. Friends just go part-time and the loss is absorbed, belts are tightened. The difference being, I do get extra income with freelancing in the evenings occasionally.

However, sometimes my husband is at home on the days I have off with our child, and he sometimes takes her out, just them two, or we do things as a family together. This is probably every third week. So it's not just me on those days I have with her during the week.

Am I unreasonable to suggest I stop the payment from my personal account to reflect how everyone else I know seems to approach it?

andintothefire you dont mention children. Do you and your partner have shared children? It makes a difference.

I agree that for couples with no children that would work. Couples with children end up with one partner with all the money and one little more than the unpaid help if you apply the same. Marriage and responsibility for house and children has to be a team effort to be successful. If you're not a team of equals then the rot sets in. Women sacrifice so much when they stay at home to raise children and it pains me to see how unvalued that is by our society. Women left begging for pocket money and feeling humiliated by financial constraint because they've gone from partner to the help. Pisses me right off!

We have children but not together. You're right that it probably makes a difference, especially in the early years of child raising when it is nearly always the woman reducing earning power. At the moment having children separately is perhaps even more of a reason to keep finances separate.

But I don't know - I still think that if we did have children I would want to keep my financial independence during the periods when I was earning my own salary!

Agree with others that it's the presence of children or, sometimes, a factor like one person moving to the detriment of career building that makes joint money generally the most reasonable arrangement.

the early years of child raising when it is nearly always the woman reducing earning power

Yep! This is why its so important to recognise the value of that work you do at home raising his children.

And no, you don't have to put everything into the joint account.

You need to be equitable about how your money is shared, though. If he buggered off with an OW, you don't want to be left without a significant amount of money that he can't get at. Having joint finances is about communicating effectively and being fair, not just putting everything into a single pot because that's the done thing. In your relationship, OP, the communication and fairness are lacking because you suggested something that wasn't fair, presumably because you felt that you should and he didn't say hang on, we can't do it like that,that's not fair on you!.