To give this back. More wwyd?

10 replies

smokeybandit · 13/05/2016 13:52

I have a resident (70+yrs old) who had a very tough last year, and I've tried to help out wherever possible and appropriate but nothing more than I would for any other resident if needed. Every few times I've helped him with something (like arranging for his phone line to be repaired) he's brought over a little box of chocolates or biscuits to say thank you. And I always tell him it's really not necessary I'm just trying to help. I think maybe he's a bit lonely now though he does have some family nearby.

Now this week he's been in again with a query and I really couldn't help him because there is literally nothing to do, and I know nothing about what he was asking. So he came in today with a little bag of chocs (the 1.99 packs) and then a box - he said thanks for helping him and he didn't want to get me in trouble with the hubby but he got me a present to say thank you. He wouldn't let me take it tI'll he was leaving. It's perfume, and a lovely one by all accounts but I feel like I should give it back to him but I don't want to offend him, he's a bit old school and I guess thinks he's doing something nice but it's really not necessary. Plus I wouldn't want his family (I don't know them) to think I'm leaching off him or something? I don't know if I'm overthinking it but I don't know what to do???
Has anyone else had something like this, what do you do?

OP posts:

SquinkiesRule · 13/05/2016 14:10

Are you a building manager or something? How is he your Resident.
I'd just keep telling him you aren't allowed to accept gifts from residents, tell him you'll put it in the communal room/kitchen or put the perfume aside for a raffle or whatever your building do.

bubblegurl252 · 13/05/2016 14:10

I think you should simply reiterate that he doesn't have but if he still wants to then say thank you :)
If you refuse to accepts his gift it's more likely to offend him or make him feel awkward

LittleMissBossyBoots · 13/05/2016 14:10

Give it back and tell him you're not allowed to accept gifts but that you appreciate the thought.

farmers · 13/05/2016 14:17

I agree that it might make him feel awkward if you return it, especially as he probably went to some effort to get it for you. I would probably keep it but mention that you can't take any more gifts from him next time you see him.

KamMum · 13/05/2016 14:22

Keep it. He must have put a lot of thought into it and maybe he doesn't have people to buy gifts for..do let him know it need to stop and is against regluations

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 13/05/2016 14:32

Is it against regulation?

If not, I wouldn't worry - he's not given you any financial gifts and the value of perfume and chocolates isn't going to be high enough to cause any concern.

If it is against regulations, you probably shouldn't have accepted it in the first place and it'd be a good idea to get advice on whether you'd be expected to return it and risk upsetting him or if you can just declare it and then be careful not to be gifted anything in future. I can't think of any regulations that it'd be against, though, so it'd be company policy I believe.

Original poster

smokeybandit · 13/05/2016 14:37

Squinkiesrule, I'm a housing officer, small area covered, and no communal area like that unfortunately. Plus I think I would be offended if someone used a gift I'd given as a raffle prize but I see where you're coming from.

Farmers, he had it wrapped in nice paper! Bless him.

KamMum yes I'm not sure who exactly he has around. Ok. Thank you ladies, I will tell him that, I don't want him to waste his money!

OP posts:

Original poster

smokeybandit · 13/05/2016 14:39

Anchor I don't think we have a specific company policy unless it's monetary tbh. I definitely wouldn't have even let him put it in the table if there was.

OP posts:

flanjabelle · 13/05/2016 14:42

Could you contact his family and ask how they wish you to proceed? I would explain the situation and how you feel (that you don't want anyone to feel you are taking advantage) and would appreciate their input? Have you got any contact numbers?

RaeSkywalker · 13/05/2016 14:46

I'd just declare it to my employer so there could be no nastiness at a later date. He'd probably be a bit offended and it was a nice gesture. I also agree with Kam. One of my friends gets Christmas presents for her DC from an elderly neighbour and can't afford to reciprocate. She was trying to think of how to gently get it to stop when the neighbour mentioned that she has no family so likes going out and picking up a few bits for the DC.

Flip