Please help me find the words to explain why this pisses me off, or tell me if IABU (medical)

[OnceMoreIntoTheBleach]

DP's blood systolic pressure hovers around 135-140mmHg. I'm an academic in health field and I know that this is bordering on or close to high, and have let him know this in context of potential lifestyle changes (social smoker, drinker, big meat eater etc.) or at least just something to be aware of. He's late 30s so worth knowing, right?

He was visiting his DM in hospital recently and member of staff was taking her BP and he asked staff member what the threshold is because I've told him 140.

She told him her chart says 180. He laughed and said 'oh I'll tell gf that!' (I wasn't there, this is what he told me). I think he was pleased as he doesn't want to give up bacon sandwiches

Now, I don't know if that was a bespoke threshold for that patient or something, it must be, but I do know that for a normal adult, consistent BP of 140+ is classed as high and needs looking at.

When he told me this story, I said that might be the threshold set for your DM but for you, it's wrong. He just said 'OK' in a patronising 'let's agree to disagree as the nurse must be right' tone.

Aibu to be a bit miffed about this? Suppose I'm being a bit precious but it's not the first time my knowledge has been questioned by him.

I told him and his DSs that it was light saber not saver and they didn't believe me. Asked a 4 yo boy later and only when he confirmed did they believe me. Similar story with Bond - MI5 or 6? Had to google to prove I was right in the end (6, if you're wondering ).

Do I have a real issue with needing to be right, or am I right (ha!) in feeling a bit annoyed at these sorts of things if they keep happening?

For the record, I'm not an argumentative person (used to be but have mellowed with age/DCs) I'm open minded and more than happy to have discussions and figure out the facts, but why does he keep questioning me and assuming I'm wrong to the point that I feel the need to prove I'm right?

The fact that this happened in front of his DM is also annoying. They often ask me for help deciphering medical info, and I feel this undermines me a bit.

I know, I know, IABU. But grrrrrr

Oh god, my biggest pet hate is being treated like I'm an idiot. I'm alway open to discussion/opinion (unless it's a facial discussion where opinion has no place), alway check my facts (I'm a scientist, we're trained that way!) and always admit when I'm wrong.

I've had it from all angles this week - school, work and now DP!

If I was feeling low or lacking confidence, I'd have crumbled and wondered if I am, in fact, a fuckwit wrong, but thankfully I know I'm right on all counts

Just I bit sick of having to prove myself. And then I get accused of being defensive

Hehe factual, not 'facial'

"Do I have a real issue with needing to be right, or am I right (ha!) in feeling a bit annoyed at these sorts of things if they keep happening? "

Hard to tell from here but I suspect YANBU.

" let some stuff slide but when I know I'm right about other stuff I bet a tenner on it." I used to do this a lot but I can't do this with P because it would reinforce the "challenge" which he would be really shitty about.

"Do you think he could be a little bit sexist, like - you can't possibly know more about light sabers, bond, or the healthiness of bacon sandwiches than him because you are a woman?"

I think this.

I also think there is probably nothing you can do about it. If you tackle this head on and say "why do you keep challenging me on things I know about? It's kind of dick-ish" he will deny it happens. If you tackle it piecemeal, thing by thing, each time he will accuse you of being a pedant or not able to "let things go". It's annoying.

I live with one of these and I let everything go except when it matters to the dcs' welfare. Then I assert myself; it pisses him off; it causes rows. But I have to do it, I had to have a word with myself when I realised how much stuff that I knew was wrong I was letting slide, just because it was easier.

YABU, the nurse would have been quoting from a standardised early warning scoring tool to indicate a deteriorating patient. An acutely unwell patient with a bp of 140 systolic would be of much less significance than one of 80 systolic. It's the context that's the issue rather than the answer. IFYSWIM.

Never I WISH I had don't the rumour mill with the light saber issue

Howbad you're right, it's a matter of balance. I think because all these examples have happened in front of other people, I felt the need to speak up, maybe for selfish/self-validation reasons.

I'm annoyed he's made me out to be wrong on something medical in front of his DM. Worried she'll have lost a little respect for me.

I suppose I should define myself so heavily by my career etc, but it is a big part of who I am so it's probably more annoying than it would be if it was just the bond mi/6 issue.

Sweet I know that, it would have been determined by the patient. But my DP was not the patient, and he was talking about his own BP. He's a normal healthy person, so 180 is wrong for him, if that makes sense

My DH is like this - right when he's proven wrong and will not back down or apologise he's lovely though It's the one thing I'd change about him...that and not smoking!

Start buying/cooking healthy food/less red meat etc

If he doesn't like it let him to do all the shopping/cooking - tell him actions speak louder than words and if he's determined to live this way then that's his choice so crack on

I have someone who does this to me, not DP because I'd kill him but someone close,

They will ask me something about a topic that my life revolves around, I have to know everything about it and have done for over a decade.

So I'll answer their question and if it's an answer they don't like they'll call the national helpline for this particular thing!! It pisses me off no end.

I work with someone who questions everything, not in this disrespectful way like "what do you know?" but just because she is so slow she lingers on every point for ten times the amount of time that someone else would take to absorb a new fact.

We'll be discussing something and she'll say

L "so do you know the retail price on this one? I would guess maybe around 20 quid"
Me "no actually it's £14.99" (I know this because I looked it up before going into the meeting)
L "Gosh! REALLY? Are you sure? I thought it would be much more like 19.99"
Me "yes, I know what you mean, but it is actually 14.99"
L" That seems like great value. These things are really going down in price. Are you sure it's 14.99?"
Me "Yes. Anyway, so what we need to decide about it is - "
L "FOURTEEN NINETY NINE?!"

Bearing in mind that there might be 10 other people in the meeting and a packed agenda, it drives me nuts. I have actually considered asking her to stop it. I know she isn't trying to publicly discredit me but it still irritates the hell out of me. We work in an industry of bullshitters but I'm the odd one out who will happily say "I don't know, I'll find out" when I don't know. So when I DO know and I have ANSWERED the bloody question, it drives me potty when we have to linger on tedious matters of fact for hours waiting for L to catch up, and I think it makes me look like I can't manage meetings, or as if there is some reason to doubt me.

Do you think I can ask her to stop it?

In that case I suppose I could say with a big smile "Can we move on to the questions we need the whole group for, and I can go through the pricing architecture with you later?" - or is that too blatant a smack down?

I'd be surprised if the nurse's chart DIDN'T go up to 180 - after all they still need to record abnormally high blood pressure...

Talking about the threshold for what is classed as high BP in the normal population though carrot

DD keeps calling it a light saver instead of light sabre. I think it's really cute, she is 4, though

I think normal blood pressure can vary quite a lot from person to person. 'Normal' bp is 80/120 but that is an average. Mine is always low (about 70/100), and a friend's 'normal' is so low (50/90) I would be unconscious, but she is fine.

Do you know what is his diastolic pressure is?

Ah! I worked with a trainee... he (and that is important here) used to question everything I said, every point of science, law, procedure, everything.

Other colleagues seemed to warm to his confidence and began to listen to him. He went into wonderfully complex explanations of some science that I would have thought was far more simple, but hey ho, each to his own. It was irritating, as he was often wrong, but as long as it never made a difference in the classroom, I figured he would learn the real facts sooner or later. I even managed to ignore many of his childish attempts to correct me, in front of others, even my students. I just spoke to him quietly after the fact.

He always smiled, said we would have to agree to disagree - and once muttered that his degree was so far suerior to mine that he must be right, which was odd as I have a Masters in our subject and he had a 2:2!

Then he crossed a boundary - he disagreed with me on my specialist subject He went to great lengths to embarrass me for my lack of knowledge on a very specific issue. I discussed this with him in the office, explained he had misunderstood a basic precept, left him with a text to read it up in.

The following week at a staff training day - we were sharing information for a larger project - he started in on it again. Explained how I had misunderstood a thing, tried to tell him he was wrong and that he wanted to clarify the point for everyone. He then proceeded to use parts of the text I had given him to explain his point. It became apparent that he had misunderstood a single word, one word that he had somehow understood to mean its exact opposite. Someone pointed that out to him and, as he was digesting that fact, also pointed out that I was the author of the text he was using to prove me wrong

He blotted his copy book, he swore at her, in front of 20+ people. He never did apologise, but he did leave, very quickly!

Sorry... the words to use are usually pithy... and found about 20 minutes after they would have been useful

"If you wish to believe that, go right ahead"

"Yeas, but you would be wrong"

"Give up. You know I am aright, stop pretending to be stupid"

Argh people! The recognised threshold for classifying high BP is 140/90.

http://www.bloodpressureuk.org/BloodPressureandyou/Thebasics/Bloodpressurechart^^
^
Not^ 180 as this healthcare worker suggested and my DP believed.

This is a medical fact. Yes BP varies from person to person, and within person with postural changes, stress etc etc.

But 140 is the systolic threshold at which, if seen consistently, it is classified as high BP. Yes there is a diastolic pressure to consider but DP was asking the person about the top number only. His diastolic is around 85-90.

I'm not asking if I'm right. I know I'm right.

I am asking if IABU for being annoyed at being told I'm wrong

OurBlance that must have been a nightmare but a highly satisfying outcome

Italics fail, sorry.

Blanche I'm going to use the last one of your suggestions. It's bang on

My Pet Pratt was extremely annoying, yes, indeed he was. But at least I go to leave him at work

Good luck with finding away to reassure yourself that YANBU... then have at him

OnceMore People are questioning whether you are right or not about BP here despite the charts.

This is beyond funny...

Never I know speechless

Sweet, I thought this was a Early Warning System thing as well.
In this system you get points for each one of the observations that are taken, the further away, up or down, the higher the points. All the points are added together and a score over a certain number triggers some kind of intervention.
Anyway, my bet is the nurse doesn't understand BP very well and thinks that only the highest score is indicative of high BP or she's been using EWS for so long she's interpreted the question as what's the highest on the scoring system.
You're right by the way OP

I had an ex who used to try to correct me on a subject in which I had a degree, a post graduate qualification, had worked for a number of years and was in the process of further specialisation. Very annoying and one of the reasons he's an ex.

Further away from normal. Flipping eck, distracted by flipping George Pig crying

OP - are you more highly qualified than your DP? I think that sometimes partners (men) can struggle with this and the questioning and not believing is a way of asserting themselves.

My P is sometimes reminded of my salary when we have to fill forms in or something (usually he just spends it) and he always makes a comment about it, shaking his head, about how "it's more than [x] get". the subtext is clearly "you must be overpaid, you can't be that good at anything, I don't know how you blagged it"

DH occasionally does this to me. A couple of days ago he was listening to something an ageing prog rocker had done. I asked him who it was and he was quite disbelieving that I could possibly have ever heard of him.
A week or two ago he did the whole "I don't suppose you ever did X did you?"
"Yes, yes I did actually"
"Oh no not the simple version, the proper version"
"No. It was the proper version. And stop being a patronising arse"
I mean he's known me for 30 years. He knows I don't big things up. He knows he's going to get pulled up on that sort of behaviour.