To think that adults that were spoilt as children still get indulged by all and sundry as adults?

[LittleLuLu]

I know a couple of women who were clearly very spoilt by their parents as children, and even now as adults are totally spoilt and indulged by them.

I have noticed that the spoilt behaviour carries on into adulthood and because they expect everyone to indulge them and give them their own way, then that is exactly what happens, and it's quite sickening!

One of the spoilt people that I know is a colleague. She is loud, demanding, pushy, and basically the whole workplace revolves around her just because everyone is so terrified of upsetting her. In everything, from getting the best sales leads passed to her by our bosses, to insisting on having the biggest desk and comfiest chair, and moving them to the best location in the office, she gets her own way! She also talks constantly about herself so the whole office has to revolve around her and everyone has to listen to her all the time. She gets people to go out to the local shops to get her food and drink as she 'can't be bothered'. Basically everyone is terrified of upsetting her and goes out of their way to keep her happy. She has kicked off at people a few times when things have not gone her way and it was not pretty! She also is very dominating of the office, doing things like hogging the kitchen to cook things, and turning a corner of the office into a play area for her kids for when/if she pops in on her days off (when she does this she expects others to watch her kids and make her cups of coffee whilst she goes and chats to the boss).

The other spoilt person is in a big group of friends that I see socially. I am not keen on her but I do like the others in the group so I can't cut contact with her. She too is incredibly self absorbed and lots of our meet ups involve her talking about herself and everyone has no choice but to listen. Things have to always suit her; if she can't make something then it has to be rearranged as she insists that it is, or if she suddenly decides that she doesn't want to go to X restaurant or Y Pub then we all have to change plans and follow suit.

What bugs me is that people are so happy to facilitate spoilt child behaviour in adults? These women are both complete bitches, yet they sail through life, expecting everything to fall into place for them, and it does!

There are definitely people who seem to be a pita in whatever situation you meet them and they genuinely think the world revolves around the but don't agree there's a correlation with being 'spoilt' in childhood. I find people who behave like that are pretty insecure deep down.

I came across a woman like this, she was incredibly difficult. She was an only child but I have no idea what her childhood was like, but she was certainly accustomed to getting her own way.

When she didn't get her own way, or when in a committee situation people disagreed with her ideas or suggested alternatives, she would sulk, start shouting, and eventually after a few months would flounce off. She did this two times within a year and made a lot of enemies in the process. She was just not used to people telling her "no", and would not accept that other people's ideas and opinions were just as valid as hers.

Not sure about spoilt but the lesson your colleague learned years ago was, if she made a huge fuss and ruckus, people let her do what she wants. If no one tackles her on it or manages her behaviour, she gets away with it.

yes! yes! yes! My brother was horribly spoiled as a child - due to an illness which isn't even so serious - and he's grown up with a terrible sense of entitlement.

He decides exactly how things should be and stomps around and causes trouble until his wife and family give in for a quiet life.

I know people will ask why his wife is with him but she seems to have the ability to let it go over her head for the sake of a quiet life. She spends a lot of time with her friends which probably keeps her sane! My parents still hang on his every word and constantly quote his opinions.

We were brought up in very different ways and I know siblings have different natures but I believe if he hadn't been so indulged as a child he'd be a much nicer person now.

He's also bringing his family up to have the same sense of entitlement which makes family gatherings tense - and often amusing.

Either of these people you describe could be my sister.

It's a personality disorder, and may relate to having been spoilt/indulged as a child, but that is not necessarily the case.

FWIW, my sister was and is indulged, but I think she would have pretty much turned out utterly vile regardless, as she has a major personality problem.

She is indulged because she is vile (ie. for my poor elderly parents to have an easy life), rather than being vile because she was/is indulged.

if I said 'Oh no, that doesn't suit me, I don't want to go to that restaurant', the others would just say 'Oh ok' and go there anyway and it would just be accepted that I couldn't go/didn't want to go.

I get that. What I'm saying is that you are making a choice, to put up with Annoying Woman for the sake of continuing to be included in social occasions. Therefore you have decided it benefits you more to continue to go along with her behaviour. Presumably the others in the group are making a similar decision. For some reason - that the Alpha Annoying Woman is popular and charismatic/good company? a natural leader? central to the group's internal drama? - the group is choosing to continue to include her and to defer to her wishes, because when it comes down to it, they want her to continue to be involved and think social events would be less good without her.

We've all read often enough on her about a group tacitly expelling a member by no longer inviting them to things, sidelining them etc. This woman is for whatever reason too important to the group dynamics to have this done to her.

As I said, you can't control others' behaviour. But you, and the rest of the group. are making a choice to continue to facilitate it because, in the end, it suits you to.

Yup!

I was going to say something like anon.

I know two people like this: one an xf (Rod) and one my sister (Jane), and I've known xf's sibling (Freddie).

Both myself and Freddie always felt out counterparts were spoiled and treated favourably. Rod and Jane would swear its always been the other way around. As adults myself and Freddie have come to realise our sibling's are just not nice people and their behaviour and our respective parent's lack of wanting to deal with the fall out meant they got away with figurative murder, but neither did we have it bad from our parents. We've both gone on to stand on our own two feet, but Rod and Jane have very enmeshed lives with our respective parents.

Rod and Jane cannot cope when Freddie or I are praised for our achievements or treated by a parent as they feel they deserve all the good things, which meant and still means Freddie and I feel distanced from parents.

If Freddie or I had been like Rod or Jane then we may have been the ones so indulged by parents even as adults that we don't have a grip on the real world and expect others to worship us. But that's not our personalities.

Its the grand old nature v nurture debate. I'm pretty sure I believe its not one or the other, its both.

Oh I'm not the only one seething about these women, Worra. Everyone at work (and I mean everyone!) moans about work colleague yet they all do as she says. Many of them really do not like her!

If that's true, then the onus is on them to grow up and use their backbones.

However, I suspect they might be more popular than you give them credit for, after reading your post below....

but if I said 'Oh no, that doesn't suit me, I don't want to go to that restaurant', the others would just say 'Oh ok' and go there anyway and it would just be accepted that I couldn't go/didn't want to go. Believe me I have tried that in the past!

This ^^ suggests to me that the majority at least, really do like her.

I know what you mean op. A couple of people I know we're very spoilt as children and are still very spoilt as adults. With them there is an expectation that things will be done for them and things will revolve around them. One has free childcare from her parents whilst she works full time and sees this as perfectly normal. She fell out with her parents briefly when they wanted to book a holiday! Both of these people married someone who spoilt them too,

Everyone at work (and I mean everyone!) moans about work colleague yet they all do as she says. Many of them really do not like her!

And thats my point - people are letting her away with whatever behvaiour she can get away with - thats not so much about her expectations that she will get what she wants, more the others faults for doing it!

SIL - spoiled as a child & it has not stopped since... will not lift a finger for herself, has her parents running round after her & is running them into the ground... but they never say no & I don't think they have the intention of ever doing so.
Have a colleague who is like this & people pander to her because her tantrums when she doesn't get her own way are so exhausting! Don't know anything about her childhood though, but I don't know why adults ever think it's ok to be like this?

In my experience, people think that if they just do whatever the person wants, they won't be subjected to the treatment they've seen others get. I look on knowing that all it does is pave the way for even more ridiculous demands.

I'm currently unfriended from Facebook it's bliss.