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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DH shouldn't prioritise his manager over this appointment?

44 replies

ThePartyArtist · 12/05/2016 13:16

DH and I have made an appointment to view a house tonight. We attempted several different times and days and this was the only one the estate agent and both of us could do. I am going to have to leave work slightly early and get a fairly expensive taxi to get there on time, but see it as worth it to view what could be a good house.

DH texted me today saying he can no longer come because his manager's asked him to stay late to cover for her, so she can collect her kid from school. DH says he will go to see the house tomorrow on his own, if I think it looks good tonight (I can't go tomorrow).

AIBU to be really annoyed because;
a) he's prioritizing someone else's childcare emergency over our prior arrangements.
b) houses in this area go fast and this potentially delays things.
c) he has agreed to cover for his boss before he even knows an alternative appointment can be made with the estate agent.
d) it puts the onus on me to say whether it's worth him viewing it.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 12/05/2016 15:50

I suppose it only matters that men make a good impression at work.

This isn't a men vs women thing. If the op was a woman having to stay in work late with her husband going to see the house the situation would be exactly the same. You seem determined to see the husband as an arse for not being able to make the house viewing. We don't know anything about the office culture and if the boss usually helps others out when they've got emergencies to sort out.

As a previous poster said, it's a house viewing not a life or death situation.

NuckyT · 12/05/2016 15:53

I think he's being a good colleague stepping in to help someone out. On (thankfully few) occasions I've had to rely on colleagues to help out and I do the same whenever humanly possible. It really helps workplace morale when folk can rub along well and cover each other like that.

It's a house viewing, not a critical appointment.

curren · 12/05/2016 15:55

To expect your wife to leave her work early and get a cab so you can suck up to your boss rather than respect the plans you made together is shit.

Where does the op say he expects her to go?

He has said he can go separately. Not that she must still go. If she doesn't want to, I can't see where he has said she is expected to still go. From what I can see, she wants to go tonight.

There is nothing that says he thinks her job isn't important.

Also the appointment wasn't made to suit him. The OP says it was made to suit everyone.

It's also nothing to do with sex or gender. I would help out a colleague with childcare problems. Partly, to be kind and help someone out. Partly because I know it would be appreciated and help in future.

DoinItFine · 12/05/2016 15:56

Wanting to pick your kids up from school isn't life or death either.

It's pretty poor form to ask people who work for you to do you personal favours.

curren · 12/05/2016 15:58

doin are you the OP sock puppeting?

Because you have added an awful lot of detail into this thread when you don't have a clue about the dh.

Who said it had to be life or death?

PurpleDaisies · 12/05/2016 15:59

It's pretty poor form to ask people who work for you to do you personal favours.

So when my dad had a stroke I shouldn't have asked someone to cover for me? If it's a regular thing yes, but every now and again something totally unavoidable happens.

NuckyT · 12/05/2016 16:01

It's pretty poor form to ask people who work for you to do you personal favours.

No it's not - there are times when you're Manager/Employee and there are times when you are two people who work in the same place and help each other out, like a lift here or there, covering a meeting, etc.

PurpleDaisies · 12/05/2016 16:02

Wanting to pick your kids up from school isn't life or death either.

I think social services might have something to say if very small children were not collected from school.

DoinItFine · 12/05/2016 16:04

People have indicated that only things that are "life or death" need to be done as arranged.

An person with even the tiniest bit of respect for the arrangement they had made would not have just texted to say they weren't going to bother to show now.

A call in advance to check whether an appointment could even be made tomorrow might have shown a bit of basic courtesy.

DoinItFine · 12/05/2016 16:06

Well if this woman's subordinate is the only person on the planet who came stop social services taking her children away, then she has problems that he can't help with.

Nobody's boss's childcare arrangements should impinge on their own lives, which are also.important.

DoinItFine · 12/05/2016 16:16

I guess I think that 1pm is very early in the day to have a genuine childcare "emergency" of a type that justifies asking someone who works to you to miss an appointment they had made.

Surely that is an absolute last resort? Like you've called every one you know in your personal life who could take them?

It just seems to unfair to me to be asking people who work for you to stay late unless you have absolutely no other option.

And my impression is that he was just asked because it was easier and he agreed to be a suck up.

BYOSnowman · 12/05/2016 16:16

I had to leave work at short notice because my nanny had a health scare and someone needed to pick the kids up. I had no one else to do it and the school won't hang on to them.

This meant a colleague had to step into a v important meeting at short notice and drop his other work.

But that's what you do for colleagues. I've done alnost the same for him when he was off sick.

Of all the things to get your knickers in a twist over this feels fairly low on the list

PurpleDaisies · 12/05/2016 16:17

And my impression is that he was just asked because it was easier and he agreed to be a suck up.

Wow. You got all that from one post from the op. Well done.

DoinItFine · 12/05/2016 16:18

Would you have dropped that on him if you had all day to make other arrangements?

This wasn't short notice.

chantico · 12/05/2016 16:24

I've had to leave in the middle of the day because I was called to meet a school age DC at A&E.

So I'd never put it as "emergency" unless there were extremely strong grounds for expecting the person to be lying.

As we have no idea what was happening in the office that day, whether anyone else could handle it, and what their general culture of supporting workers who happen to be parents is; I don't think we can say if the DH's actions are reasonable.

But OP is NBU to feel frustrated in the short term (in the long term, the house can still be viewed and decided on; and they day may come when they are grateful that he works somewhere that has a culture of flexibility).

BYOSnowman · 12/05/2016 16:29

unfortunately it is often pretty easy to go through your list of people. In my case both my dh and parents were out of the country. So it was me or no one. I would have known that be it 9am or 1pm

BYOSnowman · 12/05/2016 16:30

Op can still view house tonight. Her dh said he would see it tomorrow. It's annoying but he is the one who is going to have to organise another viewing and take time out of work at short notice

Pinkheart5915 · 12/05/2016 16:32

I understand why your annoyed. But work will be paying for his share of the house so I can see why he stayed on at work and if his manger had a child care emergency what could she do but ask him

redskytonight · 12/05/2016 16:47

If DH had a childcare emergency would his manager rally round to cover for him?
... is the crux of it really.

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