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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be pissed off with my new neighbour

48 replies

BG2015 · 11/05/2016 21:28

We live in a three storey town house. 2 adults 2 teenagers.

We're out all day at work and school, all asleep by 11pm at the latest.

The house next to us has been empty for 6 months until Friday when a single guy moved in. We said hello on Saturday and introduced ourselves. He's in his 30's. We privately questioned why a single bloke had bought a 4 bed roomed town house on a predominantly family estate - none of our business of course but I wouldn't live here if I was single. The house on the other side of us has a family living in it. We can hear them going up and down their stairs but never heard a TV, music or talking.

Anyway tonight at about 8.30 the new neighbour knocked on the door and asked us to turn our music down. It wasn't particularly loud, my partner and I could still have a conversation and we'd only been playing the music for about 15 minutes as we'd both just got in from the gym.

I'm quite a tolerant person and music doesn't bother me ( I live with 2 teenagers after all) if it had been after 11pm and we'd been playing it for hours then fair enough, but it literally been on for 15 minutes. He said he couldn't hear his TV but when he knocked on he was still wearing his work suit.

Am I being over sensitive or has an awkward bugger moved in next door?

OP posts:

walkingtheplank · 11/05/2016 22:39

I lived in a terrace. Our neighbour absolutely wouldn't tolerate any noise from us. I'd come home, turn on radio and before I had chance to get to the kitchen to turn on the kettle, he'd be knocking on the door. This was a 2 up, 2 down terrace so not a long way from the lounge to the kitchen. The only way he could have got to my front door so fast was if he had watched me walk past his window and was braced to run round. He must have always had his shoes on ready to go.

I think if you don't want other people's noise, you have to be in a detached house and even then it's not guaranteed.

I'd just keep your bass down.

WriteforFun1 · 11/05/2016 23:02

I live alone and id love to ditch my tiny flat for a four bed town house!

My experience with noisy neighbours is to tackle them sooner rather than later, guess that's his experience too. Turn your music down and be a decent neighbour.

GarlicShake · 11/05/2016 23:06

I agree with going round to have a listen. Take a bottle of wine or something. The sooner you create a 'working together' scenario, the better.

Tbh he does sound unreasonable from what you've described! But I'd definitely start from a "not lived here before, doesn't know what to expect" point of view.

If all else fails, what about both sides putting bookcases or similar on the offending wall?

DailyMailShite · 11/05/2016 23:10

How about getting some decent earphones then you want have to worry and can have it as loud as you want.

To probably the houses fault rather than you being loud or him being oversensitive.

I think he did the right thing to talk to you about it. Much better than him sitting and getting annoyed with you.

peggyundercrackers · 11/05/2016 23:23

He will be sitting in his house on his own with very little noise other than a tv whereas your in a house with other people in possibly all talking and doing other things so it will naturally be louder and as such you might have music or tv louder to hear it over the background noise. He doesn't have any background noise so will hear a pin drop.

I don't suspect your noise will be loud, it will be an acceptable level but walls are paper thin in new houses and in his quiet house he will more than likely hear you all. If he had three other people in his house all doing normal things he likely wouldn't notice your music because of the background noise in his own house,

Duck90 · 11/05/2016 23:37

Maybe be got out of his pj's and put the suit on, so he could go out and knock on your door? Not every one wants to go out dressed for bed.

Perhaps he is thinking if the parents are this noisy then the teenagers will be the same, better mention it before everyone is using the Bose?

Obviously I don't know what's the real problem, just being devils advocate.

fatmomma99 · 12/05/2016 00:24

Town house dweller here... we hear next door going up and down stairs. Their bloody piano drives us mad (you can literally hear it in every room, and their 3 kids want to be on it from dawn til dusk) and we hear shouting (they hear worse from me, I'm sure). They're the loveliest neighbours ever, so we grit our teeth at the bloody piano and get on with it).

There is a neighbour 4 doors down, and in a different block (set 20 feet back from our block) who complains constantly about our noise (Radio 4). I have been to our nearest neighbour in her block and had DH setting off radios in every room and not heard them. She's mad.

We ignore her.

If you're not listening to banging rave at 2am, you're prob NBU

WriteforFun1 · 12/05/2016 00:27

Wow
Living in a house doesn't sound much different than living in a flat...

GarlicShake · 12/05/2016 00:47

It's not, Write The real difference is your upstairs & downstairs 'flats' house your own family. You've still got adjoining neighbours.

Someone will correct me if I'm wrong, but I think they stopped building walls thick enough in the 1930s. A lot of Victorian/Edwardian terraces were thrown up for quick profits, and have equally feeble walls, so age is no guarantee of solidity.

In my dreams I'd like one of those energy-neutral eco houses with fantastic insulation. I live in a tiny flat, though! Luckily I don't mind downstairs's TV.

19lottie82 · 12/05/2016 01:24

You can't adjust the bass on most Bose portable speakers.

OP, try moving it the other side of the room?

In fairness, if he is complaining he can obviously hear it, and it's annoying him. Play the game, and try and do what you can so your music doesn't annoy your neighbours.

herecomethepotatoes · 12/05/2016 04:07

He might well be an awkward bugger but at the moment I don't think he can be accused of it.

BOSE and other speakers looking to hide their quality tend to increase the lower frequencies (bass) to hide their deficiencies. It's these sounds that travel through walls more easily. You should be able to mitigate it using the eq on the television.

The floor is a better (worse) conveyer of sound so elevate it / them off the floor.

KittyKrap · 12/05/2016 07:46

We've got a Bluetooth Bose and tend to fiddle with the settings on our phones to knock the bass down. Not that it's a problem as we're detached. With our Bose you can hear it upstairs and in the rooms to the front and back but not the sides as it doesn't kick the music out there.

I had it up to the max when doing the gardening the other day, went outside and couldn't hear it.

Ask him nicely if you could listen to how loud it is and if it is then move it to the wall 45 degrees, so if it's at North move it to EAST/west and ask again. He might be lovely, might have children from a previous relationship or whatever.

Kwirrell · 12/05/2016 08:01

I think he probably did the right thing by approaching you politely at the beginning of the problem. When you live next door to music lovers, it is not about how loud it is it is about the vibration from the constant base.

Maybe you could make adjustments to your system, which mean you can enjoy your music, but he is not subject to the constant mind numbing, vibrating that we have to put up,with from our neighbours.

AndYourBirdCanSing · 12/05/2016 08:11

If you're going to live in a flat/house with paper thin walls you need to suck up some noise. We had a nightmare neighbour above us who would complain about everyday living noises (including light switches!) and made us feel incredibly awkward. You just can't expect to never hear your neighbours, and that includes music in my opinion.

AndYourBirdCanSing · 12/05/2016 08:13

Or any house which isn't detached, not just thin walls! Although I know new builds are notorious for that

shovetheholly · 12/05/2016 08:26

Oh gosh, I would be mortified! If your music was loud enough for him to hear clearly next door, then YABU whatever time of the day it is.

I'm sure it wasn't intentional on your part though - it may just be louder than you think - maybe try moving the speakers around??

shovetheholly · 12/05/2016 08:28

Ooops, posted too soon. Meant to add: acoustic qualities of houses can be odd. I have a long, knock-through lounge/diner that adjoins the next house. I can't hear the neighbours at all in the front room area, but if we are both in the back room, then the noise travels loads more! I have no idea why this would be, but there is a very marked difference!

I put my TV and speakers in the front bit to avoid disturbing them.

Original poster

BG2015 · 12/05/2016 18:28

I think you have to accept some noise when you live in a row of town houses. The estate is about 12 years old.

The music really wasn't that loud but I do agree the bass was probably the problem. It's bothered and worried me a lot today, I don't like upsetting people and want to live a peaceful life myself but families are noisy and its sometimes hard not to be with kids, friends round etc

I shall of course be more careful when I play music, and only turn it up when he's out, the bass can't be altered, I've checked.

Time will tell as to what sort of neighbour he turns out to be!

OP posts:

AerithEarling · 12/05/2016 20:47

He may have moved from the NFH and now any noise makes him think its loud. I have a NFH who will hopefully be getting evicted soon if the police just bloody raid his flat but anyway even when I am at other peoples house a slight sound will make me feel anxious and annoyed.
Then again if he has brought and is not HA or council then I wonder why he would pick with family's around, that is sure to be noisy.

AerithEarling · 12/05/2016 20:49

i live in a converted house which was converted in the 1970s, I use to live in a new build and never heard anyone upstairs but I heard next door. The older conversions though are defiantly worse, I wish I only knew before I moved into one.

CreamCrackerundertheSettee · 12/05/2016 20:56

We've got a Bose and the bass sound travels between floors but moving it away from the wall helps. Why not go round and ask to listen in his house so you can get a feel for how loud it needs to be to cause a problem?

LiquoriceAllsorts86 · 12/05/2016 20:57

You can watch TV wearing a suit

This made me lol

Original poster

BG2015 · 12/05/2016 21:33

You can watch TV wearing a suit - I totally agree but I'm a 'get in from work and put my pj's or joggers on' - comfy TV viewing is a must.

But if he's comfortable lounging around in his three piece suit and tie then good for him!

OP posts:

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