AIBU to expect DD to nap at nursery?

[kivvi]

DD is 3y and 3m. DH and I both work full-time so she is at nursery all day. Until recently, she was napping for around 1 hour every day, but a month or so ago, she started telling the staff that she 'doesn't need to nap any more'. She's been one of the only ones in her group still napping, so she was going down with the slightly younger kids and they don't have a separate room for sleeping - just a curtained off area, which must be hard for her if she can hear her friends playing.

For a while the staff continued trying to get her to nap, but apparently after 30 or 45 mins they would give up, as she just wouldn't. So I think now they have stopped even trying. But she pretty much always naps at weekends and on holiday, usually for 2 hours (or sometimes 3), and she has been super-grumpy in the evenings recently. We only get home at about 6pm and start putting her to bed from about 7.15, and sometimes it feels like we just get tantrums the whole time we get with her, which makes me frustrated and sad.

I know that she will stop needing naps at some point, but I'm not sure she's ready to drop them yet. It would be different it we could put her to bed at 6pm while she adjusts and then gradually move bedtime back again, but that's just not really an option given that we only get home at 6!

As you acknowledge, the nursery have done their best to encourage her to nap. I think it's just one of those things you're going to have to get through! I know it's not ideal, but can you start the bedtime routine as soon as she gets home? Does she have tea at nursery?

We only get home at about 6pm and start putting her to bed from about 7.15

If you get home at 6pm, why wait so long before you start the bedtime routine ?

I'm so envious your 3 year old naps at all! My 12 month old gave up naps at 10 months!! She doesn't nap at all. Ive tried everything but she won't give in.

Both my boys dropped their naps at around two and it wasn't through lack of trying on my part!

They were grumpy at 5pm ish but we just had to get through it for a few weeks. It was a bit grim at the time. I lost that hour or so of rest, and it was hell on wheels that evening...

Ironically when they were starting to drop the nap, if they did manage to nap they were much better for it - but equally you can lead a horse 🐴 to water...

It didn't take long before they adjusted themselves in the evening though.

It's hard when they give up naps, particularly if you are out at work, but it is a necessarily part of toddlerhood and it doesn't last.

My twins were in bed asleep for 6pm at that age. They didn't nap either but did at the weekend.

Damned over stimulation!

But the nursery can't force her to sleep.

DS is 3 and 5 months and still naps quite a few days.

What time are the nursery putting her down for her nap? DS won't nap until 1.30-2, as a general rule, so if they are trying her at 12, ask them to try it later? Also, to try alternate days for naps, or every 3rd day.

The transition to no naps is hard. Sounds like she isn't quite ready. My DS easily naps for 3 hours at home too, but when at nursery and still napping there - would only do an hour or so). Because he's at nursery 2 days I just do naps on his other days at home, so we don't have this issue yet.

I'm just glad he's not starting school in September!!! (Nov born)

My DS had just turned two, he is in childcare for 2 days a week and is with me or DH for the rest of the week.

He doesn't nap whilst at nursery but when he's gone he will have a 2 hour nap every afternoon after his lunch. I have stopped stressing about the fact he doesn't nap at nursery because realistically there's too much noise and activity to create a peaceful napping environment.

On the days he's in childcare we tend to put him to bed an hour earlier to make up for the fact he didn't have his nap.

That's supposed to say that when he's home he naps everyday for two hours.

My DD can nap for England at home but has never slept properly at nursery. I get a very concerned and earnest update from the nursery staff warning me she has or hasn't napped and I just nod and smile.

I know they just do their best - they can't force her as pp said. It's a bit different for us as DD is only 2.5 days so I used to try and prioritise naps the days she wasn't there but it all evens out. It's frustrating but not much you can do. Especially with her being a bit older and close to dropping it.

My youngest had stopped naps by 15months She was a bloody nightmare from the word go, and now - at 7 - takes Melatonin at night to help her sleep.

Short of drugging your child, there's nothing much can be done.

DS has entered this zone since his 3rd birthday. Until then, He would succumb to naps with the other toddlers, but now most of the preschoolers don't so there's no culture of it.

It's a horrible doomed if you do, doomed if you don't stage. If he does crumple, or more likely rests and sleeps in the car, then he hits a deep sleep and claims his time back in the evening. In the last few days he's caused havoc because he kept DS1 up after a nap. He was then exhausted and fell asleep solidly on the way home, slept through dinner and bedtime then woke refreshed in the early hours...

I can't wait for DS2 to adjust!

Mine did that. Short of putting them under general anaesthetic there was nothing they could do. At least she sleeps at night this way, the kids who kind-of-but-not-quite need it and nap in daytime can be up until midnight, also tantrumming.

A transition period is difficult. My daughter stopped napping at 2 and was quite happy but my son has been going from an hour a day to dropping his Friday nursery nap and naps most other days but every 3-4 days he will have a 30 min nap at home. With the best will home is not as stimulating at nursery hence it being easier to sleep at home. It's tough but it will improve in time!

OP you don't dictate when she drops her naps, she does, she does in want them any more. She is 3.5 years so really is the right time. She will probably want to be with her peers, not sleeping with the toddlers. So chill and let her enjoy nursery instead of worrying about napping.

Sounds like she's ready to drop the nap. I've worked in nurseries and never came across a pre-school child (3+) who napped. If they needed/wanted to then sure, but doesn't sound like your DD does? The nursery cant keep putting her to bed for up to 45 minutes if she's not sleeping. She is probably disturbing others.

My ds is the same age and hasn't napped since 14months!

my dd stopped at 14 months...she just doesnt need the sleep.
the other 3 sleep v well - my oldest 2 till almost 4....the little one has 2 naps now at 15 months.
you did well getting to 3.3 - but i think she's ready to stop the nap!

I love a good nap and I'm 46 :)

The transition between nap and no nap is grumpy. We just put them to bed earlier and they still woke up at the usual time. Put them to be early, they wake early. Put to bed late, they wake early.......its normal to still nap occasionally during transition and I expect she's knackered after a week at nursery, I know mine are.