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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

not to want to pay to go to her kid's birthday party?

33 replies

Raines100 · 11/05/2016 11:49

Sorry, I know children's birthday party woes are rather mundane, but your twopenneth would be most appreciated Grin

A family friend has invited my DS to her DS's birthday party as usual. Normally, DH and I stay and watch the activity, and vice versa when it's our DS's party. Previous parties have included bowling, bouncy castle in a hall- that kind of thing. This year, she's doing the party at the zoo, which sounds cool, except I've just twigged that DH and I are going to have to fork out an entrance fee each. Other kids from school are coming, and might just get dropped off, but I know she expects us to stay, not that she's mentioned it's going to cost us this time.

I think we'll probably just go and suck it up. I can't be arsed to make waves. I'm just interested to see if people think this an acceptable expectation on her part, because I don't think I would expect it in reverse.

OP posts:
IceMaiden73 · 11/05/2016 11:53

How old are the children?

I would just tell her you won't be able to stay

BasinHaircut · 11/05/2016 11:54

If it's an actual party not just a zoo visit she will probably get x amount of adults in for free. Why not just ask?

NewNameNotTheSame · 11/05/2016 11:55

Why do you both need to go? And why can't you just say "sorry, would love to stay as I usually do as it sounds fun but I could really do with a few hours child free to tie up some loose ends"? Confused

BarbarianMum · 11/05/2016 11:56

I think this is quite a cheeky new part trend tbh, so I wouldn't blame you for saying no. If you are going to go then I suggest you make a day of it, which might be fun if you actually enjoy zoos.

FetchezLaVache · 11/05/2016 11:56

Has she said that she expects you and DH to stay? I don't think it's acceptable to expect parents to tag along if it's going to cost them (and zoos are not cheap!). I'd just answer pretending to assume I'd be dropping and running, tbh.

Osmiornica · 11/05/2016 11:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lottielou7 · 11/05/2016 11:58

How old are the children? Personally I think it's wrong to organise a party which will require any of your guest's parents to have to pay anything.

BeYourselfUnlessUCanBeAUnicorn · 11/05/2016 11:59

I'd ask if a certain number of adults get in free, if she says no then say you will be dropping and running this time. Zoos are bloody expensive to get in, I wouldn't pay that just so I could watch my child at a party.

dowhatnow · 11/05/2016 12:00

If she expects you to pay then she should mention it in an "are you ok with..." way rather than automatically expecting it.
But you don't know yet what she is expecting.

LagunaBubbles · 11/05/2016 12:00

I think we'll probably just go and suck it up. I can't be arsed to make waves

And there lies the reason people get away with things in life, ok this is not the most outrageous example but its not acceptable.

WorraLiberty · 11/05/2016 12:00

Impossible to say since you've left out the age.

However, I wouldn't automatically assume you're expected to stay this time.

Ask her and find out.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 11/05/2016 12:01

By the sounds of things, she's expecting a lot of Drop'n'Runs so you and DH are being enlisted as 'help' to keep all the children in a group, make sure they're ok going to the loo, help with food etc.

If you're being used as Free Help, then you really shouldn't need to pay for entrance.

eyebrowsonfleek · 11/05/2016 12:01

I would expect her to pay for your entrance if you're staying to help her out.

If you are staying because your child is nervous of staying without you, then I'd decline or pay.

Why does your h need to stay too?

whois · 11/05/2016 12:02

I think we'll probably just go and suck it up. I can't be arsed to make waves

Don't be wet. You don't need to 'make waves'. Just call and say "what's the deal for the party? Do you want me and DH to stay? If so is the entrance cost covered with free adult places or something? If not think we'd prefer to just leave DC rather than pay entrance."

CMOTDibbler · 11/05/2016 12:03

A friends dd was invited to go with her friend on a 'be a zookeeper for the day'. Great eh? Except they weren't paying for it, friend had to fork out the £90. And then they asked them to drive the girls and one parent to the place, which was 70 miles away!

Original poster
Raines100 · 11/05/2016 12:07

Proper, organised birthday party for a 5 year old. Had a look on the website, and she gets 4 free adult entries, so that's her and her DP, and I'm guessing her sister and DH, who will be travelling to bring their 3yo. Would never expect for her to pay for us either. If DS was older, I would drop him, no probs, but he's not 5 yet, and the zoo's a big place. Maybe just one of us will go.

OP posts:
greybead · 11/05/2016 12:09

Only one of you/dh should go, otherwise the entry fee will be ridiculous.

whois · 11/05/2016 12:10

A friends dd was invited to go with her friend on a 'be a zookeeper for the day'. Great eh? Except they weren't paying for it, friend had to fork out the £90. And then they asked them to drive the girls and one parent to the place, which was 70 miles away!

OMG that is beyond cheeky!

Kittyrobin · 11/05/2016 12:14

Can you go into the zoos website and look at the party packages. You can find out whether or not parents and included etc.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 11/05/2016 12:21

The thing is if parents want to act like Big Time McAlpine. Then they have to have big time McAlpine money. Which means being willing to subsidise everything. And As they expect you to stay that should include paying your enrty fee

dustarr73 · 11/05/2016 12:33

I wouldnt stay if other parents can drop and run why cant you.I assume you trust her to look after your ds.And if worst comes to the worst 1 of you go but only look after your own ds.

ScreenshottingIsNotJournalism · 11/05/2016 12:34

I've heard (on here) of other venues doing this! They book in a party and charge the hosts £££ then it transpires that the party quote only covers the kids, and the party doesn't include childcare so parents HAVE to supervise! it's well cheeky!

DailyMailShite · 11/05/2016 12:34

I would ask her. Why on earth wouldn't you? If she wants you to stay to help out then it would be extremely rude not to pay for you. Then once you know the facts you can decide what to do. If you want to go then go and if you don't then don't - it really is that simple.

Comiconce · 11/05/2016 12:45

I can't abide turning parties into family outings so YABU. It's my pet hate that some people think it's okay and necessary for both parents to come and 'watch', often bringing younger siblings, and the dog. The invitation is for ONE child. Why should they pay for you and your dh to go?

Why would both of you need to go? If you feel your child is too young to attend alone then say so and decline the invitation. Or accompany him and pay for your own entrance, just you. One entrance fee if you really think your ds can't cope alone is not breaking the bank.

Original poster
Raines100 · 11/05/2016 13:14

Ah, so it's not just me being stingy it's me being wet. Thanks for that Grin . Thanks, everyone. I will go ahead and do what suits me, knowing ianbu.

Maybe I've got it wrong and she is planning to pay. Tbh, the entrance fee hadn't crossed my mind until a minute ago when I was scrolling through my diary. She hasn't mentioned it, but she hasn't asked us to stay and help either. She did make a noticeably big deal of telling me that she and her dh would definitely both come to my DS's party (3 weeks after her DS's and does not require a financial contribution from the guests well, they might need to pay for parking ) and this is partly why I'm assuming we're expected to go. I suppose the solution is to ask her!

Jesus, who thought making someone else fork out £90 and drive 70 miles was acceptable? Wouldn't have needed to post that one on here! Wink

Thanks for all your help Smile

OP posts:
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