To ask if it's normal to obsess like this?

[DandelionGarden]

I think I have an obsessive personality but wondered if I'm alone in this behaviour. Do you ever obsess like this?

It doesn't matter what it is over, if I get an idea or want or need something, I become completely obsessed with it to the point where I neglect my everyday life. These obsessions only ever focus around big ideas or decisions usually.

So for example, my car (of which I'm completely reliant) died last week and on Friday I was told it wasn't worth repairing and I should get a new (to me) car. I wasn't expecting this to happen yet (current one only done 72k) and I always thought I would get another of the same model until I realised how unreliable it is. So then the research began. I have spent literally every moment since Friday thinking about a new car. I think bout it so much that I can't hear people talking to me. I have spent hours and hours researching. I joined a motoring forum to ask what I should get and refresh the page often to look for new replies. I've looked at hundreds of car adverts and repeat the search several times to see if new ones have been added. I've researched things like age vs mileage.

All this has obviously taken up a lot of my days so I'm neglecting everything else like playing with the DC, housework and spending time with my BF. I am experiencing a lot of anxiety about choosing the right car and not a lemon. I will have to keep it as long as possible so I want to be happy with my choice.

The thing is, I don't even care about cars! I know I won't give a shiny shit once the decision is made and I've got the car. I know this. But the obsession lies in the making the decision in the first place so I'm feeling even more anxious to get that decision made quickly (0plus I'm struggling without a car). Even so, I still can't help but obsess.

I'm like this with everything but wasn't always. I did the same when I bought my first pram. When I started a new business. When choosing a printer. And each time it's the same pattern, obsess at the neglect of everything else until I lose interest, find something else to obsess about and repeat. When there is nothing to obsess about or I can't fulfill my obsession, I get really depressed and unhappy and have no drive.

I'm starting to think this isn't normal but does anyone else do this?

Is control part of anxiety though eponas in that you're trying to minimise things that might go wrong so you're not anxious instead of just living with things being imperfect? I'm not entirely sure but I think that's probably what it's about for me. It's quite tiring though at times.

I wonder whether people who claim to be like this really are? I get it that if you have a big purchase or a big decision to make you will research extensively and think about it - but are you all really obsessing to the point you don't hear what other people are saying, you ignore your children, you're awake half the night? And are you depressed and unhappy if you have nothing to obsess about?

OP, I would suggest you look into a referral for counselling. And maybe make a very conscious effort to compartmentalise: with the car, for instance, tell yourself that actually your child, your home and your BF are more important and come first, and that you will only allocate time to research when you are absolutely sure none of them need your attention.

Yes, but I suspect I'm on the AS spectrum. Many in my immediate family are, I've just never been assessed. I drive DH nuts with obsessive behaviour.

Well, I finally stopped my brain working long enough to fall asleep around 4am. Alarm went off this morning and immediately I'm up and thinking about cars.

I didn't realise it had a term, but yes, I am a maximiser. And generally indecisive. And a perfectionist with anxiety. I'm relieved to find I'm not the only one. I do experience anxiety when it comes to making a choice over something I have to buy, even low value things, but this is amplified with the cost of the item. I do a little shopping dance, pick it up, ponder, put in trolley, walk away, go back, put it back, walk away, return, put it in trolley again, repeat. I think I fear experiencing regret for my decisions and I'm naturally a saver so don't like spending money.

The obsessiveness can be about non-monetary things but only if they really interest and excite me. I get a real buzz when indulging the obsession. This is why I think it would be hard to change because there is a massive emotional payoff for this behaviour.

However, it does impact my life. Genuinely, my BF has many times this weekend been looking me square in the eye and talking to me and I haven't heard a single word because I'm thinking about if I can compromise on not having hill start assist if the car has leather seats. He would get very upset that I was ignoring him but I think he understands now that this is just how I am, much like the pp who said she loses her DP for a week.

I've been on beta blockers for anxiety before but they made me so tired, I slept for 18 hours straight. I now have hashimotos hypothyroidism so I'm tired all the time anyway and think beta blockers or anti depressants will make that even worse. I think my anxiety is getting worse since my disgnosis. My doctors are crap too.

Augusta, I try compartmentalising but it doesn't work. I have looked online at literally every available car that is the model I've finally decided I want. The dealers are all shut, there's nothing I can do at that moment, but I'm still thinking about it and itching to keep looking if maybe I've missed one. I obviously force myself to do practical things and BF will sometimes make me stop to watch a film together or something, but I'm itchinh for it to finish so I can get back to researching.

Wow I can relate to this! For me it's mainly holiday planning for which I will research for weeks/months although at the moment we're planning to emigrate in 2 years so I have a million spreadsheets set up for that. I do remember when DS1 was about 8 months and hated going in his buggy so I became obsessed about finding the perfect buggy for him. Sold the Uppababy which in hindsight I regret but I was convinced he hated it and I spent weeks researching buggies. It was just a phase for him obviously but it was all I could think about for weeks...

It's perhaps a form of procrastination, not necessarily about the thing that you are obsessed about but avoiding other things that are going on in your life by being very "busy". It's probably worth thinking are you avoiding anything but also examining the underlying beliefs / assumptions about why we do this. For me I think "be perfect" is a lot of it.