To not give my only child a sibling?

[Flower246]

It took years of trying to conceive, miscarriages, IVF to finally have my DD, nearly 5. She is an absolute blessing and a lovely child. However, she is absolutely desperate to have a sibling - I hoped it was a phase but it's been going on over a year. My DH and I are quite happy with only one but we feel very guilty & wonder if it will adversely affect her or whether she will eventually realise that bring an only isn't so bad! Due to age & fertility issues it would need to be a donor egg or adoption if we did want to have another child so not easy or straightforward!

Me and DH are on the verge of TTC2 and I think a large part of our decision is that it will give DS a sibling.

My DH wouldn't be fussed about DS being an only child but I'm from a big family and want my DS to feel part of 'something'. The thought of him never knowing what it feels like to be a brother, or never having nieces or nephews to love and being an uncle just doesn't sit well with me.

I work with people who are only children and although they say as children it was great as they got lots of quality times with their parents they say that as adults they feel quite lonely at times and feel especially sad they have nobody to reminisce about their childhood with.

My pregnancy was not without its problems and choosing to have another child comes with potential risks but I want my son to have a sibling.

It's a difficult one and there's no universal right answer, it's what's right for your family that matters.

I'm am only child and always wanted a sibling, still do sometimes. It was great getting all the attention and days out were more centered around my preferences rather than having to be fair and find something that two of us would like. As I grew up it was a bit difficult when I was wanting independence but my parents wanted to protect me, I didn't have an older sibling to pave the way for me to have a bit more freedom.

My mum would have loved more children but it never happened, she lost my older sister at 20 weeks and she didn't want to risk that again once she had me.

You have to do what's best for your family. In your circumstances I'd explain to your dd in age appropriate terms of why you won't be having any more children but be explicit that it will not happen.

A balanced view from an only child...

I am an only child and generally I'm really happy about this - as your DD will learn as she grows up there are lots of benefits. I've always had a fantastic relationship and friendship with my parents, I've been lucky enough to pursue creative interests and have grown up in a fantastic City. I had such a cool childhood taken to all sorts of places children don't really go - as there was only one of me I was pretty mobile so my mum could take me anywhere (think exhibitions, photography shoots, festivals, gigs etc..).

I think having one also puts less stress on parents financially and also allows parents to have their own independent lives a bit more - means that there is more possibility that their lives aren't taken over by children. I was also lucky enough to be gifted some money towards a deposit when looking for a flat in my early 20's - which I am forever grateful for and would potentially not have been possible if I was one of a few.

Don't forget some siblings just don't get on. My DH and his brother have never got on and even now as adults have very little interest in each others lives, which I find such a shame.

I lost my mother a few years ago and it was and still is awful - that has been one of the only times that I really felt the void of a sibling I never had but I think that was more to do with grief in general.

Don't do it for your 5yo! I remember asking father christmas for a sibling at that kind of age.
Never got one, I got over it. I ended up having lots of opportunities that I never would have had if I had a sibling.

My ds is an only - we chose not to try ttc after him as I'd had 3 mcs before him and then he was prem. He asked about a sibling, but he asked about a getting a lot of things!

Now at 9, he's not bothered - his friend is one of 5 and he tells me how annoying friends siblings are to him. He understands that I wasn't good at growing babies as well.

My 9yr old daughter is desperate for a baby brother or sister, she's been asking for years. But it won't be happening....we already have two DDs - she has a 7yr old sister already! So even if you did have a brother/sister for your DD, she may well carry on wanting more and more! I think DD1 is keen on the idea of having a baby around but, as you know, they don't stay babies for long. My two constantly argue and they are very different from each other, their personalities frequently clash.

What I'm saying is, having a sibling may not satisfy your DD anyway in the way that she thinks it would.