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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would IBU to name my miscarried baby boy?

28 replies

PinkBalloons · 09/05/2016 14:09

We will try again...

So, I miscarried my little boy at 14 weeks, so still very young. DH doesn't believe he was really big enough or old enough to particularly have a name and properly thought about as our baby. He doesn't talk about him like he was our baby/even a baby at all, which is upsetting for me.

I want him to have a name and a grave area, I want to talk about him like he is a baby and was ours, not just a failed pregnancy.

Who is in the right?

OP posts:
herecomesthsun · 09/05/2016 16:54

We had 3 miscarriages. The first got a rather unisex name (which we would have used for a son). He also got a memorial service in a grand cathedral! I was talking to a canon of the cathedral about the loss and he said that we could have a service in the ancient little chapel of the guardian angels.

My husband and I wrote a short service and bought some coloured candles from the farmers market and had a proper farewell. We had no remains to bury (just an awful lot of blood and an emergency trip to theatre) so it was good to have a tangible goodbye; thinking about it that chapel is the place I would connect with my remembrance of the babies we lost.

We were very lucky and have 2 children now.

Very sorry for your loss and God bless for the future.Flowers

AerithEarthling · 09/05/2016 16:58

No of course not, hope you are okay Flowers

Pixienott0005 · 09/05/2016 17:26

Omg you don't have to check this OP. So sorry for your loss Flowers. I think it's lovely as although your baby was and is obviously such an important thing to you, naming him gives him a bit more of a place and significance doesn't it. I totally get why you want to give him a name, he was your little baby. It's not, weird or strange or wrong, it's lovely.

Your husband is dealing with his grief in a totally different way to you, that's fine too. If he doesn't after on it then maybe keep this part just for you.

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