...or is dh - the age old argument about division of household labour

[Hobo23]

Would love an opinion on an argument I've had with dh..

Background is we have 2 DC age 2.5 and 5, dh works ft and has at least 2h of driving each day to get to work and back, I work 2.5 days and get a lift or public transport and have an equally long commute, we both have professional jobs so equal amounts of stress etc. Dh does more of the childcare drop off and pick up as his hours are more flexible.

What's bugging me is how little help he is around the house and with the kids. I do all the housework (cleaning, laundry etc) and most of the cooking and we share tidying up after dinner etc. He does all the diy (like fitting a new bathroom).

I do all the drudgery jobs with the kids - getting them washed and dressed, wiping bottoms, nappies, getting up with them at 6am on the weekend and getting up in the night (they are rubbish sleepers) while he tends to tickle them for 20min then slopes off to do something he wants to do.

So I saw red today over the amount of time he spends playing ps4 at the weekend, he must spend about 5h each day at the weekend playing it while I entertain the kids. He says he needs to relax as he works all week and is tired from driving etc. I just see it that he is ignoring me and the DC and I don't really get any time to relax at the weekend without the kids.

So, is it unreasonable to expect him to spend a bit less time on the ps4 and help round the house more or should I give him a break and let him relax as he works more than me? (In his defense he never goes out drinking socialising etc so gaming is kind of like his hobby)

Not unreasonable at all.

To be fair it does sound like you have a bit more time at home for some household stuff. But taking care of the kids should be pretty evenly split (if he's in the middle of a DIY project it can change a bit).

I think he definitely needs to do more with the kids.

If you agree that you work full-time during the week as well - i.e. your unpaid work the rest of the time during the weekdays added to your payed work adds up to at least the time of his paid work in the week, then YANBU and your share of household tasks at least on the weekends needs to become more equal. You deserve a break as well.

it depends..

Perhaps a re-jig of the weekend might be more in order?

Dh and I will sit about pleasing ourselves til about 11 - so he's usually having a lie in, while i'm on the computer or watching tv with the kids cuddled up next to me, (i can't sleep in past 7.30am so i usually get up), then we'll spend an hour working together to get the housework jobs done, then we do lunch for everyone. 1 of us feeds the kids, the other preps our lunch.

After about 1pm we have 3-4hrs of doing something with the kids if they want - so sometimes DH will play with DS on the PS4, while i entertain DD, or we'll all go out for a bit, we eat between 5-6, have an hour free-play, then bed time, then DH can spend all night on the Ps4 if he wants.

i usually go to bed about 10pm and spend an hour reading, he comes up about 1.

Not suggesting you follow the same routine, but just showing how we both get to do what we like, both do the housework, and entertain the kids.

There is no reason for you to be doing everything, while he sits on his arse. Get him up, work together, then everyone gets to enjoy some down time!

yanbu
he sounds lazy