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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

American family moving to London with 3 little kids...

380 replies

Arty3542 · 08/05/2016 20:41

Hello all!

I have no idea where to post this... My husband and I might relocate to London at the beginning of next year. He has a job opportunity in Covent Garden. Our kids are 6, 4 and 2 years old. We will be moving from the NYC area. We are very excited but I'm very nervous at the same time. I'm so worried about being isolated and lonely.

Which area is best for American Expats? Do we try for a church/Christian school? Do we attempt to apply to the American School? I heard this is very hard to get into. Will we be in for a culture shock? Do you think it will be easy to make friends with people? Only asking because a couple people told me it's very hard to make friends, the British keep to their own. I didn't know what to say to that and thought it was a bit silly.

AIBU? ;)

Thank you in advance!

OP posts:
Gowgirl · 15/05/2016 15:30

Slightly differant but when I moved I rang the schools and asked about places for year 4, so I knew moving mid year that there was a place available, it made it a lot easier....

FleshEmoji · 15/05/2016 16:15

This web site is very useful for planning where to live. Choose a destination tube station and a commute time, and it will highlight all the possibilities - rail network as well as tube. www.commutefrom.com

And you might find this comparison of NY and London neighbourhoods useful, or at least fun. www.yelp.co.uk/topic/london-london-versus-new-york-neighborhoods-a-guide

I'm a Brit who lived in San Francisco for 2 years, and can possibly advise with culture shock if you're interested?

Arty3542 · 15/05/2016 17:12

Awesome! Would love to hear about the culture shock.

OP posts:
RubyandAlexplayingfetch · 16/05/2016 00:18

Kensington and Chelsea are not particularly crowded in my experience. They feel like very safe boroughs when you're there (affluent!). The area right outside the museums gets crowded! As a uni student, I lived in South Kensington and it was very pleasant but expensive.

I see quite a few kids whizz past on their little scooters in Notting Hill! There are a few state schools there, probably oversubscribed though!

You have Hyde Park/ Kensington Gardens and Holland Park nearby which are wonderful. We go there almost every day in the summer. The parks get crowded in the summer but this is true of all green space in central London. There are also lots of smaller parks/ playgrounds where the streets form a square of terraced houses around a green space.

Have you tried looking up streets on Google Maps streetview? You can see photos of the streets.

Expect the state schools to have very small 'catchment' areas. Strictly speaking, they don't have true catchment areas (I think Fox Primary school is an exception) but the main criterion for getting in is the distance you live from the school. And the distances are usually very small because demand is so high.

RubyandAlexplayingfetch · 16/05/2016 00:25

Re state schools:-
4 year olds who are starting school in Sept 2016 (in reception class) have just applied for and have been offered their places. Waiting lists are now being drawn up for the schools that were oversubscribed, for those who weren't allocated their preferred school and want to be on a waiting list. There is some movement in waiting lists in the run up to sept (and to some degree during the school year as people move). Some state schools are undersubscribed and will have a space free any time of the year.

pilpiloni · 16/05/2016 00:50

The schools are a real headache.

We moved from us to London when our oldest was 4 and due to start reception (prek) and we'd missed all the deadlines.

There are no 'zoned schools'. Each school sets its own admission criteria. Usually children in foster care first then siblings then distance - or if a faith school, some kind of religious practice.

Yes, you can be stuck with no school as unlike New York they won't bus you - and they allow themselves a considerable distance for what is considered reasonable.

Yes, wait lists do usually clear eventually but not always and not always before the start of school.

For us, it took until the middle of the year before a spot became available in the school we wanted.

You need to consider all your options. Private if you can is a good back up (although they may also be full). Also check out the requirements of the faith based schools that you're interested in and see how you can meet them from the U.S. That way you can at least get priority on the wiat list.

RubyandAlexplayingfetch · 16/05/2016 01:22

I agree, schools are a headache! It feels like you simultaneously have lots of choice, and yet no real choice over where your children end up!

St. John's Wood is in the borough of Westminster. Here is a link (if it works!) to their schools admissions webpage, which gives you info on the process and a list of schools I think:

www.westminster.gov.uk/school-admissions

Each borough will have a similar webpage.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 16/05/2016 11:29

Is it not a good idea to visit London at the end of July? I know that's when the schools' 6 week summer break is.

I think it is worth placing a call to an education consultant now. I think that most schools are staffed for the first week after term ends and then a week or so before school starts but in between it will be caretakers and painters in my experience.
It is really worth visiting schools when they are in session as you get a much better idea of atmosphere and how the kids interact with staff. I would recommend that you come over for a few days in early June after the summer half term and visit some schools on your own or with the 2yo and get a feel for areas/schools. If by "next year" you mean January 2017 rather than school year, then it might be worth booking a weeks holiday en famille this summer and getting a feel for where in the city appeals most.

Private schools average £4-5k per term so that's £15k pa, per child. You may get a small discount when your 3rd child starts but it will be imperceptible.
Therefore in my view you need to make a call sooner rather than later on private v state schooling. With your housing budget [assuming it can be adjusted in favour of schooling and isn't set by your husband's employer] you have plenty of choice.

OP - with children of that age and your budget I would personally think that having some reasonable garden space that comes with the house is essential for your own sanity. Trying to keep an eye on three small children simultaneously on your own in a public London park is hard work! So while the Regents Park pad is stunning, I'd run a mile from it personally for that reason explicitly. Plus I have lived in the area when single, central London is fabulous but air con is very rare. When it reaches 30 degrees central London is airless, polluted and you will want to be anywhere else. So choose your property carefully.

You might not wish to drive initially, but access to a car/parking to get out of London is wonderful. We have a car but have done less than 10,000 miles in 3.5 years as an example. We only use it to leave London ! Public transport is excellent, usually much faster than driving, but if you want a weekend away or half term by the coast, you will end up packing half the house into a car to cater for the unreliability of the British weather. Plus it is really incredibly easy to drive to France which becomes very tempting :)

It is possible to do the vast majority of your grocery shopping easily and painlessly on-line in the UK so on the upside, you won't need a car to schlep to the supermarket twice a week.

I know the area your husband will be working in very well. While SW London is really lovely Chiswick, Battersea, Richmond, Fulham are all more than a 30 mins commute. The first three in particular will require multiple train changes so it's not "just an extra 10 mins" - you can't board a train and just read a book. Chelsea/Kensington is borderline. Fine when the Circle/District are running but there are frequent issues and then it feels like a million miles away. Doable though particularly if your DH has to be at work v early before the trains get crowded and failures start.
Easiest access to that part of London to work is:
Liverpool St station [Central Line [red]
Circle [yellow], District [green] and Metropolitan [purplish red]
Aldgate St station is end of the line for the Metropolitan so your DH can simply hop on a train, get a seat and relax until he changes at Baker St to head north towards Maida Vale/St John's wood on the Jubilee line [grey] . These areas are close to Paddington station which is where the Heathrow express train terminates.

London Bridge and Cannon St stations are a ten mins walk so that opens up a lot of South East London. If your husband's employer will sign off on using City Airport to NY route [pricier than Heathrow] then I would really look at Blackheath which is v chi chi and has several private prep schools and a lot of open space. Even if they won't every 4-6 weeks is bearable, more frequently then head west.
Intersecting all this is the City branch of the Northern line [black] aka "The Drain". Not a pleasant commute by all accounts but intersects with London Bridge/Bank/Moorgate which are all stations close your DH's office. It opens up Islington/Clapham and Balham as family friendly chic suburbs within central London.

Re Church I'm not familiar with your branch of worship but going on Presbyterianism alone these seem like options. It depends on whether you attend frequently as a family as to whether your church would heavily influence your choice of residential location.
www.londonfreechurch.org.uk/services.php
this is on the central line in the financial district but further west that Aldgate. It's easily accessed from most locations but is not in a residential area.
www.crowncourtchurch.org.uk/where-to-find-us/
This is in Covent Garden so heart of the West End. Accessible but perhaps a bit jarring to leave a church service and walk straight into the midst of Mammon.
stcolumbas.org.uk/?page_id=460
This church is in Knightsbridge so is surrounded by the parts of London that your housing budget would support Grin

Final word from me which is completely off topic but central imo to your quality of life in the UK as a family.

Check that your DH will get British public holidays and a European holiday allowance if he transfers here. 5.6 weeks/28 days is the norm here incl public holidays [20+8] and people take them. City employers will usually offer 26-30 days plus public holidays.
American employers tend to either offer the full UK entitlement plus USA holidays if the office is closed OR worst case scenario, 10 days holidays but NO USA public holiday and USA employees are often expected to work UK public holidays if the USA markets are open. The latter is really rather rubbish and I know someone in that position personally.
European holiday entitlement is what most American miss the most when they move home and while your kids are so young it would be lovely to have it particularly when you are living away from friends and family and Europe is on your doorstep.

OVienna · 16/05/2016 13:07

OP try this website: www.locrating.com .

You can search specific areas for properties and it will also show the local schools and their ratings. This may give you a feel where to prioritise.

Arty3542 · 16/05/2016 17:53

Holy cow... I'm so grateful for your helpful advice, TreadSoftly! Yes, it is so hard with 3 little ones at the park. It's the same in NYC. I don't take them by myself yet. So a small garden would be great.

London City Presbyterian looks awesome! Thank you! I am looking online for churches. Many of what we think we would like seem to be more south as well as east. This one has 4 locations...christchurchlondon.org/
Found one in Notting Hill..www.nhcc.org.uk/

St.Christina's next to Primrose Hill looks like really sweet school. St.Christopher's in Hampstead too. Need to work my way to Notting Hill, Chelsea, Kensington. The Dolphin School in Battersea but DH seems to be leaning more toward central London because of the commute but might work. Dulwich could be good too. Need to test out the timing.

We will check out the Prep Schools also. Those do seem pricey but less expensive than the American School.

You're right. We need to call the schools soon. We plan to visit during the summer to check out all the neighborhoods, churches, and commute time. I'm thinking we would have to go back in the Fall with the children for any school interviews and to see the schools. Then move early 2017. But if my husband can take time off in June, we might be able to do it all. loressure!

When are the deadlines for applications to prep, private(public), and independent schools? And when do you enroll children in state schools and church schools?

Good to know about the Holidays. Didn't think about that.

Ruby, thanks for the info about the areas! Living next to THREE parks would be sooo great!

Pilpiloni, do you mean a seat opened in private or state school during the middle of the year?

So, TreadSoftly, in your opinion where would you live?? I saw pictures of Chiswick and it's beautiful but the commute would be long.

OP posts:
Arty3542 · 16/05/2016 17:54

Oh, and how do you go about to hire babysitters? Right now we have a graduate student that comes 10-15 hrs per week. She's 25 yrs old. We don't need a full time nanny.

OP posts:
CruCru · 16/05/2016 18:16

Friends used Find A Babysitter (google it). For nighttime babysitters, I use sitters.co.uk.

Gowgirl · 16/05/2016 19:08

I borrow a nanny, I have two that attend a toddler group with their charges so they know my kids. They are happy to earn extra in the evening.

FruStefanOla · 16/05/2016 19:23

Or the OP could get an au pair?

Excited101 · 16/05/2016 19:42

I'm a nanny, I'll babysit for you in dulwich op!

pilpiloni · 16/05/2016 20:13

Yes, seat opened in the middle of the year in a state school. It's London, kids move. If you're going state, try to position yourself within a reasonable distance of at least 2 or 3 schools (ideally with a high intake - 90 seats per year or something like that) and get on the wait list.

With reception, places do often come available at the start of the school year when kids who have gone private or have left but parents didn't notify just don't turn up.

But it's a crap shoot.

Privates all have their own admission dates so you're best to start contacting them to see situation for next year

pilpiloni · 16/05/2016 20:16

By the way, schools in London are a bargain compared with NYC (we moved back again!). We pay $36000 a year per child and that's not even for the most expensive schools which are up to $40,000 - and we only get 162 school days.

Fyi state schools in UK are generally in session 190 days, private a bit less. So it's definitely a longer year than NYC

Gowgirl · 16/05/2016 20:27

An au pair would be an option for the op, I don't have space......unless anyone fancies the cupboard under the stairs.......

Eastpoint · 16/05/2016 20:53

A Chiswick commute wouldn't be long at all - district line to Hammersmith & then Piccadilly or district line to embankment & a short walk. I used to commute to monument & that was fine, lots of people commute to Canary Wharf. In between Kensington High Street and Gloucester Road tube would suit you as an area - easy on foot shopping at either the Gloucester Road Waitrose, the Cromwell Road Sainsbury's or Whole Foods on Kensington High Street. Have the gardens for space & then you can always walk through the park up to Queensway for ice skating or bowling if those are of interest. Faulkner House, Queensgate & Thomas' are all private schools with lots of Americans which are well thought of.

Gowgirl · 16/05/2016 21:02

Turnham green has the Piccadilly line during commutng hours otherwise you just change at hammersmith

JessieMcJessie · 16/05/2016 21:13

Eastpoint OP clarified that her DH will be working between Liverpool St and Aldgate, not Covent Garden as she first thought, so it's more than a short walk from Embankment to his office.

Eastpoint · 16/05/2016 22:06

Sorry! Piccadilly line only stops at Turnham Green before 6:30am & after 10:30pm. Notting Hill & central line? A house backing onto a communal garden.

Claireshh · 16/05/2016 22:14

Have you considered living outside London? We are in Kent. Half hour commute to London Bridge/canon street/Charing cross. Great schools (state and private). Quite international too. Stunning countryside and castles! If you want more details message me.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 17/05/2016 10:30

Where would you live??

I know where I'd like to live in London but I don't have enough information about you as a family to gauge best fit Grin ?

Other than three small children, a desire not to drive and a short commute into the City that's it.

Your monthly budget of up to £10k is pretty huge, that gets you v nice housing in some of the most expensive parts of London or it gets you something verging on palatial in Zone 2 though it might be very difficult to go back to NY if you are used to a 6 bed large garden house in a leafy part of London. Bear in mind that if you decide to try for a state school in a nice part of London there will be a premium attached to local rental properties.

What are your priorities as a family?
Proximity to a Church
Private schooling if affordable?
Garden big enough for a trampoline and a paddling pool
House or apartment?
Designer chic or somewhere your kids can feel at home?
Unfurnished or furnished?
Leafy space?
Access to airports?
4 beds minimum?

What sort of lifestyle do you want/aspire to? Do you mostly eat out in NY style as seen in the movies Grin? Do you want to be close to chic designer boutiques, farmers markets where a pot of organic honey would cost $30?

Are you both triathletes, hot yoga bunnies, other sport that has specific requirements?

Do you see yourself frequenting London's galleries, museums, Michellin starred restaurants and organic foodstores? [Regularly, not as a treat]

Will you need to entertain at home for business?

Will your husband have frequent evening / client engagements ? Will you need to accompany him? [*meaning that easy speedy access to the West End will make life much easier for both of you] It's one thing to have a 40 mins door to door commute but when you have finished a client dinner at 11 and have to be back at your desk by 7am, you want to be home in a taxi in 15 mins tops.

OR - will you mostly be a perfectly normal mum whose partner works long hours in the City and whose life will mostly revolve around her children Mon-Fri, who wants a half decent school on her doorstep with a welcoming bunch of other mums with toddlers to hang out with?.

Your budget mostly points you towards west and north west London but you don't HAVE to spend it. Grin On the other hand, if you are spending someone else's money then why not !

Arty3542 · 17/05/2016 15:59

OR - will you mostly be a perfectly normal mum whose partner works long hours in the City and whose life will mostly revolve around her children Mon-Fri, who wants a half decent school on her doorstep with a welcoming bunch of other mums with toddlers to hang out with?

This is more us! Yes, we do not want a car for any reason! Only to drive out of London on occasion, and we would probably rent one.

I'm thinking we'll spend 7 or 8K on housing. Just incase we need to put more money toward the children's education. We would like a garden just to get some fresh air and sit outside. A small patch of green is fine. :-) So more of townhouse, Mew, etc. Maybe semi-furnished. 3 bedroom minimum.

Proximity to the school and a large park are key. As for the Church, we could take the tube to Sunday service and find a local fellowship/Bible Study group. And I'm praying our kids will go to the same school!

We are more "Brooklyn" type people. But I feel lots of areas in Central London are "Brooklyn and West Village-esqu"! I would like to be able to walk to practically everything... coffee shops, markets, pubs, shops, etc. I would probably join a gym or take some sort of exercise class eventually. And I love ART!

We will not need to entertain. But DH will probably go to client dinners 2x or so per month, not too much.

Overall, I guess I'm both? A normal mom who loves the city. :-) We are not very uppity people.

Again, I saw images of Chiswick and it looks really lovely. I could live there but the commute for DH would be tough. I have to look some more at Islington, Battersea, Southwark, etc.

Again, I'm truly grateful for everyone's help! Really amazing.

OP posts:
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