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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want a 6 year old to tidy up?

62 replies

bloodytidyup · 08/05/2016 12:43

I'm hoping one of you mumsnet geniuses has found a solution to this and can share it with me. I have a very messy 6 year old boy. Me and DH are quite tidy people though our house is far from a showhome. Obviously I expect a certain amount of mess with a young child but it is getting out of hand. He has his own double bedroom with plenty of storage in there for toys. He also has a cupboard in the living room with some other toys, such as board games, stored in there. His room has so many toys across the floor (cars, lego, blocks, colouring pens, books, random plastic tat) that its hard to walk across. There are toys strewn across the living room, kitchen and landing. This is just from us being home most of the weekend. I want him to have the freedom to play and not place unrealistic restrictions on him but I can't bear the level of mess. When I try to get him to tidy, he is basically not able for the mammoth job and I end up doing it. Does anyone have any suggestions for getting him to be more tidy with his things?

OP posts:

feralgirl · 08/05/2016 18:41

Oh, and for ease of storage we have loads of the Ikea Trofast units as it's dead easy for the DCs to just chuck stuff in the boxes and stash it away.

Specky4eyes · 08/05/2016 19:12

Plastic party bag tat, I would gather up and either bin it or if still in good nick keep it for halloween door knockers

Puzzles, books,board games - there must be some that he has grown out of? I tend to gather them up and put them in the loft, cupboard etc and wait a couple of months. If they are not missed then I check how decent they are and either sell or charity shop them.

Lego - keep that as it is expensive and never goes out of "fashion"

FrameyMcFrame · 08/05/2016 21:49

At 14 my DD strill needs separate instructions.

Pick up dirty clothes and put in basket

put rubbish in bin

Clear floor of books and paper

Hoover.

If I say 'tidy up' she just puts everything on the bed....

sallyjane40 · 08/05/2016 23:09

It is a pain having toys everywhere, and in the end you'll want him to learn to tidy up, but if he's a nice, kind child and doing well in other areas, try to be patient - those things are more important imo :-). My kids were very slow to get the hang of tidying up (confiscating the toys left out after a couple of warnings for a week seemed to work a bit...), but we used to go to a friends house where the kids were allowed to tip out all the toys, deliberately, and didn't have to clear it up (in all other ways these kids were expected to behave very well), so it seems and area where people have very different expectations!

TradGirl · 08/05/2016 23:50

Completely agree with breaking it down into jobs. Also limit the number of toys and make sure they all have a home, labelled if necessary. And then as Anna and others have said, go through the jobs one at a time, possibly to a short piece of music (like musical chairs). Maybe he has to be a statue when the music stops, then frantically tidy as soon as it starts again.

I would really encourage parents to teach kids to be tidy because I'm a messy type and only got the hang of tidying in the last few years. My life would have been so much simpler if I'd been tidy!

eddielizzard · 09/05/2016 06:37

i try a combo of things. not all work all the time.

rule of house: only have one messy thing out at a time. the previous thing must be put away first. friends are told the rule too.
make a game of tidying up eg. divide up tasks by colours, who can get the most, if soft toy, can you throw it back to it's home?

*pick out one item to tidy up at a time only eg. hey can't walk in here! let's see if we can find all the lego treasure.

tidy up time
treat afterwards
a gentle warning when the gloom descends at the mess say 'i won't be able to tidy that up so if you want to do it you will have to.' and then make them by saying it has to be tidied up before x fun thing.

my house is no show home but it has cut down on mess. my kids used to pick up a box of toys and up end it. now the only person who does that is mil

Mouseinahole · 09/05/2016 08:42

I use a timer with my grandson aged just 7. I set one task at a time eg clear the Lego and promise a small treat if the task is completed. I set timer for 2 minutes and say One Two Three Go!!
Sometimes I help if there is a huge amount but if he didn't help I'd eat the treat myself! He always does though. We do it in stages, say Lego, have a play, few minutes TV and then next task. Honestly it is magic 😀

arethereanyleftatall · 09/05/2016 08:47

My dc love the film Annie, so we always put 'it's a hard knock life' music on to tidy up to.

QuimReaper · 09/05/2016 10:57

My DP can't "see" mess and he's 35 Is this a "thing" or is it just not training them hard and early enough? I believe that boarding school really didn't help him learn good habits, there practically were fairies doing the tidying up behind the scenes.

AnnaMarlowe · 09/05/2016 11:03

Quim yes of course he can learn!

He does see the mess, he just hasn't learned that it is his responsibility.

Specific requests and lots of praise will no doubt work just as well on 35yo as a 5 yo.

Original poster

bloodytidyup · 09/05/2016 11:08

Quim I agree that tidying is a learned skill although some people seem to be naturally tidy, based on people's descriptions on here of their children. My DH is naturally very orderly and tidy, I was less so when younger but learned to tidy as I go. As such, we never really have that much of a mess to tidy up- its more a way of doing things. My concern with DS (who is a really lovely amazing boy I must stress) is that tidying up after yourself is a life skill and I need to find a way to teach it to him. If only for the sake of his future wife :-)

OP posts:

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 09/05/2016 11:12

Yes, I still have to give directions to get the boys to tidy up. DS1 is better than DS2 is likely to ever be but still not great.

Sunday, for e.g. - I had to tell each boy which part of the mess they were going to be clearing up (separate boxes for separate types of toy makes it easier) and then when they were just going too slowly, I gave them a count of 10 to pick stuff off the floor or it was going into the big black bin sack. Still going too slowly - so I got to 10 and then sure enough, everything left on the floor went into the bin sack. Cue much screaming and wailing - DS1 at least tried to tidy up faster, but Ds2 (who is only 3, fair enough) just lay on the floor screaming.

I baulked at actually binning the stuff (it was a total mishmash of stuff, and some was far too good and costly to throw) so I dropped it by the door, as though I would take it out later.

You know what? They both worked together to empty every single toy out of the binbag and put it away. Best bit was that I couldn't see the mess any more because it was all in the bag!

Original poster

bloodytidyup · 09/05/2016 11:17

I actually tried some of the recommendations on here with DS last night and they worked surprisingly well. I did do the bulk of the tidying as it was a huge mess but when I paused near the end, he actually put the last of it away himself. I then praised him hugely for the great job he had done . We told him that there is going to be a new rule, where he has to tidy away a messy thing before getting out the next one and that his room has to be tidy before he goes to bed each evening. He managed that before bed last night due to the tidying we had done and seemed pleased with himself. We will see how it goes. I think we are going to have to be quite strict about it for a while and keep on at him and then maybe it will sink in.

OP posts:

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 09/05/2016 11:23

With Ds1, when he was an only, it was easier - I still had to do the binbag thing, but only once when he was 3 and then never again (until Sunday).
The rule with him was that only a max of 2 toyboxes were allowed "out" at any one time - so if he had the trains and the lego out, and wanted to get the animals out, then one of the others had to be cleared away first. He got on board with that and it worked well.

Then DS2 came along. He was much more of a "why is this stuff all in boxes/ on shelves? it all needs to be ON THE FLOOR NOW!" - including DVDs, CDs, books - it was bedlam! I used to clear up after him when he went to bed but next day it would all be out again - it's like he was offended by the clear floor. At 3, he's just starting to improve but as I said, not likely to ever be as good as DS1 is over it.

FishWithABicycle · 09/05/2016 11:26

Our TV doesn't function at all if the 6yo room is messy. So he's in the habit of saying "please may I go and tidy my room and then watch some TV" - it works!

SovietKitsch · 09/05/2016 11:35

I have 2 strategies: (1) have really good storage, where each separate type of toys has their own container IKEA Stuva type drawers are good for this - so tray/bucket each for cars, figures, dolls clothes etc, which makes tidying up easy; (2) the bin-liner incentive. The bin liner incentive involves telling DC they have 20 mins to tidy their room, then anything left not tidied away gets put in the bin liner and thrown out. Once the 20 mins (or whatever time has been specified) has elapsed, take your bin liner and carry through the threat - but bin things like old craft projects /broken toys first while they madly finish off around you, and them pick one thing back out at the end. So they lose nothing of substance, but they feel like there's a genuine threat - actually needing the bin liner stage doesn't often happen again...

SovietKitsch · 09/05/2016 11:36

Ah, should have read the thread - I see others also bin bag!

beckyda0610 · 09/05/2016 11:58

Ahahahaha, this is my children. 'Put toys in toy box pls girls' I get looks as if to say wtf? !!! Toys in toy boxes what madness is this u speak of?!... if I say rite I'm binning the lot, they run round picking stuff up throwing it in the bloody bag WHILST CRYING THERE GOING TO MISS IT!!!!

PiecesOfCake · 09/05/2016 12:05

Agree with lots on here.

My one to add is that if he throws a wobbly when you ask, get one of the toys to ask him to put the lego /train/ teddy back home. My DD is sometimes surprisingly co-operative when Elsa-doll or Lego-policeman asks her rather than Mummy .

Ivegotyourgoat · 09/05/2016 12:19

With my just turned 8 year old. I've found its too much for him to just tidy up. He needs instructions.

He's much better if I help him, so I'll go in with him and say:

Pick up all the Lego
Put dirty clothes in the basket
Put pens and felts away
Put books in a tidy pile

The other thing is which I also do to motivate myself is to set an alarm for 10 minutes and do mad bursts of tidying.

Something visual helps too, so a chart up and tick off each day that it's kept tidied.

I'm trying to get ds into good habits like putting his plate into the dishwasher and helping me with simple jobs.

I find it takes bags of patience.

Artandco · 09/05/2016 12:27

A few things:

less toys. Sort though what's old and donate.

-Move some toys to a higher location and swap so he can't just have everything out at once

all art and craft at a table only. Could get him a desk for bedroom maybe. He will need for school work more soon anyway. Stops pens on floor

encourage tidying a few times a day. Mine have to tidy before lunch and dinner. So on school days it's just before dinner as not here in day obviously, but at weekends we do a quick 5-10 mins tidy between us all before both meals

Mellowautumn · 09/05/2016 12:56

Too much stuff

BlueChampagne · 09/05/2016 13:17

"Our TV doesn't function at all if the 6yo room is messy." Fish that's genius! Now how to announce the new TV "upgrade" to the kids ...

Original poster

bloodytidyup · 09/05/2016 13:49

Fish I agree that is total genius and I am stealing that idea!

OP posts:

QueenOfAllBiscuitsandMuffins · 09/05/2016 14:16

Why I took all my kids toys away

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