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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to stop ex-DP taking DS to Turkey?

37 replies

TinyDancer69 · 06/05/2016 21:21

I split with DS' father a year ago. He was an EA bully and cheated from when DS was a tiny baby. I am happier now than I was with him and DS sees him regularly. Life is much better. He is good to DS but can still be a bully to me.

Anyway the issue is he wants to take DS to Turkey in the summer on holiday and I'm afraid I'm just so worried about this. My worry is simply the terrorist threat at the moment and as Turkey borders Syria I am deeply worried. I have never been difficult or unreasonable about ex-DP's access to DS / in fact I actively encourage it. This is simply about my fears in the current climate. Predictably ex DP thinks I'm mad and my fears are unfounded.

If I agree to this and something happened I couldn't live with myself.

I love Turkey and have holidayed there several times so this is not about me being irrational or ignorant.

AIBU to refuse to give ex DP consent to take DS?

OP posts:

NoahVale · 08/05/2016 10:11

i have no idea
however you dont have faith in your ex which clouds your judgement also

Frazzled2207 · 08/05/2016 10:30

Unless he is planning to go to areas that the fco advises against I don't think you can stop him.
I wouldn't be happy though.
Lots of suggestions that Isis plan to strike european tourists somewhere this summer. Not sure if rest of turkey really is that much more risky than other places
Why don't you encourage greece? Must also be fairly cheap atm?

BillSykesDog · 08/05/2016 21:24

cote, you seem to be saying that being a suicide bomber is as simple as existing. You can't just go in to a shop and buy a bomb you know.

You have to gain the knowledge to build a bomb, gain the materials to do so, and then have the space and facilities to do so and practice. All of these things raise the chances of being detected by effective security services.

The fact we've had no major attacks since 2005 but have repeatedly stopped plots speaks for its self. So don't fucking patronise me when you clearly know sod all about it what's involved in committing a terrorist act other than people just wanting to do it.

If our security services are so shit at stopping attacks, please can you point me to all these successful major attacks that have been happening in London? Because they certainly seem to be happening elsewhere.

TheSuspiciousMsWhicher · 08/05/2016 21:29

The whole of MN can argue the toss about how safe Turkey is compared to other destinations. But the bottom line is that you are not comfortable with it and are under no obligation to agree to it. So don't. Tell your ex you won't allow him to take your DS to Turkey. It shouldn't be a big deal in the scheme of things.

TheSuspiciousMsWhicher · 08/05/2016 21:30

She can stop it Frazzled. The consent of both parents is required to take children abroad.

TheSuspiciousMsWhicher · 08/05/2016 21:31

www.gov.uk/permission-take-child-abroad

CoteDAzur · 08/05/2016 21:32

BillSykes - Do try to calm down

Homemade bombs are not hard to put together. How-to info is all over the internet.

Whatever helps you sleep easier at night, though

ollieplimsoles · 08/05/2016 21:38

Both parents have to agree op, he cant just take him.

I wouldnt allow this either, however I would be prepared for ex to kick up a fuss if I wanted to take ds somewhere on holiday too.

BillSykesDog · 08/05/2016 21:46

Homemade bombs are not hard to put together. How-to info is all over the internet.

You know fuck all love. Seriously. Not even basic chemistry.

The anarchist's cookbook might be all over the web, but it's obsolete because the chemicals in it are too strictly controlled. Explosives by their very nature are unstable and unpredictable.

It might be possible to make a small crap homemade bomb which would give a couple of people standing next to you minor burns. But to build explosives which could cause mass casualties? You're talking complete nonsense.

Even the Paris and Brussels suicide bombs were made by one expert who'd had training in Syria. It's not like you can just wake up one day and make one in your Mum's kitchen with a can of hairspray and some nails and expect to kill 50 people.

Seriously, you have no idea what you're talking about. And it shows.

Original poster

TinyDancer69 · 08/05/2016 21:49

Thanks for all your input. Food for thought. On the one hand I'm very concerned about it but FCO guidance remains that most of popular tourist areas are safe. But I cannot help but feel it is taking an unnecessary risk by going to Turkey. Yes I know it could happen anywhere and that is why I'm trying to make as calculated and informed a decision as possible. I am by no means OTT and have never stood in the way of any aspect of his relationship with DS. I think he's taking advantage of that as he did not specifically ask for my consent. All he asked was to check the dates and that he needed DS' passport. He caught me off-guard and I reluctantly agreed but he knew my unease about it. So I'm calling him to say I would like him to reconsider and will deal with the fall-out. He will become belligerent but that's how it is. Thanks for all your advice - it's much appreciated. Wish me luck...

OP posts:

CoteDAzur · 08/05/2016 22:46

Your choice OP. Good luck.

BillSykes - I'm sure you don't mean to sound so rude and nutty. You have no idea about my background. Have a good night.

BillSykesDog · 08/05/2016 23:09

I know that you don't know what you're talking about because that's clear from your post. Do you mean to sound so arrogant and high handed when actually it's making you look like a bit of a tit because it's clear to anyone with a vague knowledge of chemistry that you haven't got a clue?

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