And crossed the line? (Wedding related sorry!)

[CuppaSarah]

My sil is getting married in 18 months and wants to slowly start the dress shopping process so she can take her time and keep her options open. Tomorrow we're off to a sample sale for her first ever time trying on dresses. I'm super excited to go, but there's one problem.

To be blunt my sil is plus size and this sample sale does not have any plus size dresses. So her first time ever trying on wedding dresses will be trying on ones way too small. I can imagine that it could very easily leave her feeling shitty and bad about all wedding dress shopping, her self confidence is isn't great as it is.

So I've secretly booked an appointment in a bridal boutique with plus size gowns in her budget and have the money set aside for a deposit just in case(as she won't have all the funds till the end of the month) this way she can try on dresses that fit and get that princess feeling she deserves. But now I'm thinking it's a bit 'sorry you're too fat so we have to go somewhere else' or that I'm being pushy. Basically aibu to book her first boutique appointment behind her back?

Ummmm I don't think unsullied's suggestion is at all tactful! I would have been crushed by that remark..

I think you sound very thoughtful OP

Clockwork my sil is top heavy and loves it! We have many conversations on not fitting our boobs in clothes, I wouldn't say it to anyone else but to with us, it's standard conversation

Though I'll change the word 'boobs' to 'glorious bossom'

At the end of the day it sounds like you know her really well, as opposed to a SIL you aren't really friends with, so if you think she'll like it then she most likely will.

I think you've been very thoughtful and hope your SIL finds a dress she loves.

Clockworklemon there's no offence meant by it, it's just the way me and other top heavy women I know would likely tackle it. Especially those whose bust is far larger than the rest of their bodies, like mine. I was shopping with a friend recently who said something along the lines of "get a bigger size for that or you'll need one for each boob" to me. She was right. I'd have been pissed off if a stranger said it but friends and family can be fairly frank with me about my size without me being offended...I know I'm big and I know they're not trying to be offensive.

No advice but you sound lovely! She is one lucky lady.

If you're both big boobed it's fine! Agree - is completely different and acceptable.

It's the ones (small pert breasted friends, school mums, practical strangers) who think it's ok to comment "God your boobs are massive aren't they??!" And for me the one thing I regret about my wedding is having been so limited dress wise due to enormous chest..

And even though I knew it was fact, it still hurt me to be reminded of the blindingly obvious when wedding dress shopping... Less of a "what would I like?" And more "what wouldn't make me look too booby". Sigh. I stupidly settled for "something that didn't make me look too bad" and your friend needs to feel absolutely fabulous. She's very lucky to have you helping her.

Wedding dress shopping is way more emotional than every day clothes shopping I guess.

Remember underwear is the key to looking good in a wedding dress

You sound lovely and it sounds like the relationship you can be outstraight without it sounding rude.

Shes probably just looking for ideas in the first one but you can say the 2nd is where you can try the dress on.

I didn't need a bra (DD bosom) with my dress as it held me well and a bit of tit tape for security. I just had some m&s blue pants on underneath

I think it all sounds fine except for the deposit. She has expressed a wish to shop around and keep her options open, there's more than one place to buy a plus size gown. Don't make her feel pushed into putting down a deposit on that day. If she sees something she likes she can always go back.

I think having a deposit just in case is not the same as making her buy a dress from there. I think OP was just being prepared on the off chance.

I won't push her, its hardly my choice to make. But the boutique has a sale rack where you have to pay there and then she's not getting the funds till end of the month it would be horrible for her to find a sale dress she wants and have to leave it behind.

I just want everything to be perfect for her, wedding dress shopping is something I wasn't able to enjoy and I don't want her to feel the same.

Well update for anyone reading this. She only was able to try on a couple at the sample sale and was left visibly disappointed. Her eyes lit up when I told her I had booked a proper appointment. She tried on lots of styles, really enjoyed herself and may have found her dress. There were a lot of happy tears and shes on cloud 9 just like I hoped!

I also totally picked the dress she chose(Which I'm quietly over the moon about)

Good stuff

That's brilliant! Well done for sorting it

Deffo brill

Well done op you sound wonderful!

Hurrah! - that is actually champagne for you both!

Cuppa that is wonderful!

Just wanted to say that you sound absolutely lovely! I'm not plus size, but I'm a size 12 and only 5" in height, so definitely not a skinny minny. If I went to a shop where I couldn't fit into anything, I'd find it really demoralising. Its great that you've arranged for her to go somewhere else afterwards, as she'll be able to try on the dresses made for her size and feel like a womanly goddess who looks great the way she is.

Lovley thoughtful SIL! I'm plus size and if after looking at a sample sale you said to me I've booked another boutique in the area as a surprise and saved the deposit just in case (and it happened to have all types of sizes which you don't have to mention) I'd probably cry and hug you!

This is a lovely story. I'm glad you and your SIL had such a nice day and great that she enjoyed the boutique so much.

Yay

Excellent update!