Post-wedding message thread - I'm worried now ...

[RebeccaWithTheGoodHair]

I'm in a similar situation in that I'm about to attend a wedding of an old colleague. She's lovely and I'm really looking forward to it. She has also asked for cash contributions rather than presents which is totally fair enough.

But I was going to send £50 and I'm now worried this is stingy in light of the other thread.

This isn't a wind-up btw, I'd really appreciate any thoughts on what the correct amount is for this type of thing.

No one should ever feel obliged to give a present or cash (if requested). Most (decent) people are happy their friends and family are there with them to celebrate.
If you do wish to give something the rule of thumb I've always used is to guess the cost of the meal etc you are receiving and give something of roughly equivalent value.

So an evening only invitation (booze and nibbles) might generate a pressie/£ of about £25, and a full on 3 course meal and champers maybe up to £75.

But that's just the way I rationalise it!

Every normal person wouldn't bat an eyelid if you just gave a card.
It is customary to give a gift however and - where it's cash - it does give people some angst as to what amount, so much more so than when it's a gift list. However £50 is very generous. Everybody I know would appreciate £10 or £20 in a card. Obviously it will depend on how close you are / what your (and their) finances are like / how many of you are going (ie, is this a gift from an individual or a couple or a family or a whole office full of colleagues).
I think the £100 mentioned in the other thread is a huge amount, and clearly the response was that of a crazed woman.

Not read all the replies, but I got married in 2014. We paid an obscene amount for our wedding (not as much as some mind you. But for what essentially amounted to a big party it was a lot)

We didn't have a wedding list. We didn't need anything, having lived together for 10 years already. Guests obviously still felt obligated to bring gifts however.
Our 'cheapest' wedding gift was £5 in a card.
Our most expensive was a dishwasher.
All gifts were gratefully received.

As far as I (and DH) were concerned, we were getting married because WE wanted to, not for the presents.

Long story short, I'd be thrilled with £50 in a card. I don't think it's stingy at all.

£50 is generous.

I've unashamedly given £10 in a card before to a couple who were looking for cash as a wedding present.

This was because
a. I didn't have enough money to give more.
b. They were lovely people who wouldn't have been remotely insulted that I'd given them a token amount that would buy them a couple of drinks on their honeymoon.
c. They were totally, honestly not after all they could get from the wedding, they just put that they'd rather have cash than anything else because they already had everything and because people expected them to demand something or other, so they did anyway, to oblige folks who wanted to give something.
d. Giving what you can afford is actually OK. More than OK actually.

I really do think anything over £30 is uneccessarily excessive. Unless the couple are short of money and are saving up for something important, and you have loads of money to spare of course. But, then, I'm a cheapskate (and poor!)

I'm going to a friend's wedding in a couple of weeks.
They are getting £20.
If they are not happy with that then they will no longer be my friend, but I as they are normal human beings, I am sure they will be happy.

I never give money or buy from the 'List of Stuff I Wants'. I either politely decline the invite of buy off piste.

Don't be put off by what happened to me, Rebecca - happily, most decent people are pleased with whatever guests choose to give

£50 is more than generous, especially from an evening only guest.

I got £50 off my whole team- which I was really grateful and surprised about (it was so lovely and totally unexpected). We got between £20 and £1000 off family an close friends. Any amount was gratefully received and we made no judgement on the amounts each received as I have no idea of people's personal circumstances. I think £50 for a colleague is very generous.