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Original poster

neighbour nonsense- am i going insane??

53 replies

palazzopantaloons · 06/05/2016 12:59

Hello All, I'm writing this b/c this has been building and building inside me for all the time we have been living in our house (over 5 years) and I really really need to vent. Basically, my next door neighbours are turning me into a sociopath. They are an older couple in their late 60s who have lived in their house for over 40 years and are very opinionated and judgmental about absolutely everything, it seems. They think they're the king and queen of the street. If I happen to see either of them out front and get caught up in a conversation, it always turns into them gossiping and slagging off other people who live near us, "This person's a fool, that person needs to do this, that or the other..." I try my best to be friendly and smiling when I see them, I really do. Many times they've said things to me directly which have been insulting-- for example when I've come home w/ shopping bags in my hands, "Oh... shopping again, are we?" (I'm barely a clotheshorse) or when carrying DH's work shirts in from the drycleaners, "Oh...you don't do them yourself?" Angry Can't they mind their own business? They open their curtains to see who's rung OUR doorbell, even!!
I'm convinced they're turning other neighbours against us-- i'm not sure if this is related, but we've never been invited over to anyone's house for parties or even a cuppa, when we've invited people over to ours for our DC's birthday party shortly after moving in way back when... They're always home, and I find I loathe even going into my front or back garden to do anything b/c I KNOW they're watching and judging from their windows or over the fence. (We do manage to keep our gardens in a decent state btw, but they'd be so much nicer if I didn't feel this way) I'm getting really freaked out and paranoid about the whole situation. We're nice people. I swear!! Oh, just yesterday, I had just returned from voting up the street and ran into them on the pavement and she goes, "I'd vote to keep Americans out of our country!!!" (I'm American, with British citizenship)
What's wrong with them?? Is it me?? Am I crazy?? I can't seem to let it slide and ignore them, but I need to in order to live a normal life. FFS!

OP posts:
RaeSkywalker · 06/05/2016 13:53

I'd just keep a load of shopping bags in my boot, filled with empty shoe boxes, balled up paper, etc, so that they look full. Take them out of the boot and into the house every other day. Wave merrily.

Give them something to talk about!

queenoftheschoolrun · 06/05/2016 13:56

In our first house we had a couple like this whose garden backed onto ours. They were a nightmare, commenting on every single plant we put in, when we mowed the lawn (or didn't), pruned the roses (or didn't), had visitors, ate outside, put the bins out...

The way I saw it was to feel sorry for them. Their lives were obviously very empty if the highlight of their day was to see what washing I was hanging out and whether I'd pegged it up properly. They were more interested in our lives (and our neighbours, everyone got the same treatment) than we were! Really, we're not that interesting. So feeling sorry for them made it easier for me to deal with than the thought that they were deliberately antagonising me.

queenoftheschoolrun · 06/05/2016 13:57

Oh, and we've moved since and our new neighbours are lovely! We are always in and out of each other's houses so it does happen sometimes.

LaurieLemons · 06/05/2016 13:58

I know what you mean about going in your garden, sometimes I just want to move out into the middle of nowhere! One of my neighbours is a very nice bloke but just goes on and on about absolutely nothing, so now I say hi, look away and walk straight past him looking like I've got somewhere important to be. Blank the comments, at most smile or say hi then walk off. Stare creepily if you catch them watching you in the garden?Grin

OnlyLovers · 06/05/2016 14:06

I would not stop to talk. If I couldn't avoid it (if they somehow cornered me) and they started on about the terrible things the other neighbours do, I'd smile and say mildly 'I don't wish to talk about my neighbours like that,' bid them good day and move on.

Queenie73 · 06/05/2016 14:07

If you catch your neighbours gawping at you when you are in the garden, have you tried smiling and waving? It lets them know that you've seen them but they can't really turn it into something that you've done wrong. If you have regular visitors, tell them to do the same when they knock on your door.

IamaBluebird · 06/05/2016 14:10

I'd fly a huge American flag in the garden. Sit in a huge USA deckchair and wave Halo

agapanthii · 06/05/2016 14:10

I too would be tempted to give them something to talk about ..

Hi are you off shopping?
'Yes, I LOVE shopping. I'm off to test out a new gun. Do you think I should get a hand gun or another shotgun?'

You don't wash and press your shirts yourself?
'Good God no - does anyone still do that? Crazy! '

Just have fun with it!!

LadyReuleaux · 06/05/2016 14:12

We have one of these (single lady though not a couple). She is the bane of the street and she's our NDN. She has said some appalling things to me basically criticising everything I do, my parenting, my work, my garden, my washing line, my choice of workmen, you name it it's not up to her standards and nor am I. But it's all done in this "I'm such a helpful old dear" kind of persona. Drives me nuts.

We are going to move and I think that's really the only solution. It came to a head and I ended up telling her I was sick of her bullying and harassment and now she refuses to speak to me, which is great for me, but not exactly the most diplomatic way forward. I can be 100% sure she has slagged me and probably lied about me to all the neighbours. This doesn't really matter as they know what she's like, but it's not a pleasant atmosphere.

I just want you to know I know exactly what you mean and you're not crazy. This kind of person wants to get under your skin and put you down, it's how they operate. Being king/queen of the street is the point of their existence. And it does get to you because it's your home and they are right there needling you.

Every time I approach the house I know she'll be lurking behind her front door peeping out through the viewer, so I always give her a big grin. Same if I see her curtain-twitching. It's my tiny way of saying fuck you. I know it's petty but the trouble with these people is they turn you petty!

LadyReuleaux · 06/05/2016 14:14

I agree with PPs that playing up to it could be fun. Since mine doesn't speak to me now, I can't do that but I've often thought of lines such as "Yes, there is a dandelion in my front garden. I did it for you, NDN, so you'd have something to complain about – I know you love it really! Don't say I never spoil you!"

Workinzzz · 06/05/2016 14:15

I'm really confused about all these people saying its weird to invite your neighbours round. Although I agree that not everywhere is like Corrie, we live on a cul de sac with just over 30 houses. We get invited to our next door neighbours regularly, one of the residents organises a Xmas do where we all go out for a meal or drinks. Regular BBQ's are held at different houses. Its lovely to have that sense of community and tbh we live in a suburb in a big city. Although I know neighbouring roads don't do the same, they are all pretty close in a looking after each others houses, babysitting, lending equipment to each other for DIY etc.

I just don't think its weird to have the kind of relationship where you would be invited round.

So I feel sorry for you OP, I hope that you do as pp have said and invited a different neighbour round for a cup of tea, or a glass of wine and find out whether you are being vilified by horrible NDN (who I would just ignore from now on as they insulted you so obviously)

Original poster
palazzopantaloons · 06/05/2016 14:20

Thanks everyone. I do try to not let them get to me and keep my distance, but I can't just stop talking to them altogether it's not my nature. DH is friendly enough (he says " ahhhh they're old... they don't realise what they're doing and saying" Hmm) and they are actually v nice to DC. They just don't seem to like me. My problem is: yes I DO want everyone to like me, and you're right, that's not realistic. I have to stop being so sensitive.

OP posts:
OnlyLovers · 06/05/2016 14:21

I can't just stop talking to them altogether

In the nicest possible way, OP, yes you can! Especially if they're saying things that you don't like about you or your other neighbours.

Original poster
palazzopantaloons · 06/05/2016 14:24

and I'm loving all of the stories and suggestions-- I'm glad i'm not alone (and not crazy) haha

OP posts:
Original poster
palazzopantaloons · 06/05/2016 14:28

workin i wish i lived on your street! sigh
lovers I am going to try to distance myself w/o being obvious about it, that could be a good compromise for the benefit of my sanity

OP posts:
mrskim123 · 06/05/2016 14:30

They sound like sad lonely people who don't have much of a life of their own, that's why they stick their noses into other people's business. Do they ever get visitors? Any friends? Does anyone else speak to them? Every neighbourhood has its 'types' and it's sad for you to live next door to them.

GarlicShake · 06/05/2016 14:35

My problem is: yes-- I DO want everyone to like me - Well done Grin

Put it this way. You don't like them, do you? Neither does anyone else on this thread, because they're not very nice.
So who cares about their opinion? It ain't worth crap!

Acornantics · 06/05/2016 14:40

I think the comment about the dry cleaning is only because Brits don't tend to take shirts to the cleaners, and when I lived in the US it amazed me to see people taking shirts to the drive through dry cleaners...I honestly couldn't believe it or work out why people would do it! But they do sound unneccessarily judgemental and I'd just go to lengths to avoid them as much as poss.

Their behaviour speaks volumes about them, not about you.

OnlyLovers · 06/05/2016 14:55

lovers I am going to try to distance myself w/o being obvious about it, that could be a good compromise for the benefit of my sanity

Good for you and good luck!

cherrybomme · 06/05/2016 14:56

poster agapanthii Fri 06-May-16 14:10:59
I too would be tempted to give them something to talk about ..

Hi are you off shopping?
'Yes, I LOVE shopping. I'm off to test out a new gun. Do you think I should get a hand gun or another shotgun?'

You don't wash and press your shirts yourself?
'Good God no - does anyone still do that? Crazy! '

Just have fun with it!!

^ this ^

Twitterqueen · 06/05/2016 15:01

They're old. Maybe they're just trying to make conversation - albeit very clumsily. I'm not sure why you're letting it get to you? They're not actually doing anything bad are they?

Next time they say something, talk to them endlessly for 15 minutes plus - they'll soon start avoiding you.

shinynewusername · 06/05/2016 15:07

Love it, scented. I hope your DH got his car windows tinted and spent hours parked at street corners with the engine idling?

BillSykesDog · 06/05/2016 15:08

They do sound like dickheads. But you also sound like you're overeacting a bit.

I8toys · 06/05/2016 15:15

I run from the car to the door every time. I can't bear small talk and cant stand the nosy bitching of some people in the street. Couldn't care less what No. 23 is doing. They have too much time of their hands. You could start competitive car washing or hedge cutting which we have in our street.

gabbyevs · 06/05/2016 19:58

i try not to get involved with neighbours i say hello and how areu sometimes but just out of politeness

that american coment was downright rude though

i like the idea f getting loads of shopping bags out every tie u go out though-wind them right up

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