Imagine you have someone, not your OH as that's different, but a close old friend or family member, who has different opinions on birthdays to you.
So, say Claire is a big fan of birthdays, and Diane isn't. Claire likes to go out with a group of people every birthday. She also likes presents, and if she doesn't get a present from someone, she sees it as a sign that they don't care about her. She sees the time and effort put into buying a nice or 'interesting' gift as a sign of how much someone cares for her, and has made comments before that she sees things like gift vouchers, books etc as a sign someone doesn't care because they haven't put any thought it. Because she doesn't go a bundle on birthdays, Diane is a little bit resentful of being expected to go out every year and to buy an 'interesting' present, as she's not a good present buyer.
Diane isn't big on birthdays. She's happy if people remember it but doesn't expect presents and doesn't ask for much even from those closest to her. She and her closest family only exchange small presents. She might go out for dinner, but only with her other half and DCs. Claire asks every year what Diane is doing, and expresses disappointment on Diane's behalf that no one has bought her any exciting surprises, or no one arranged a dinner party, and expressly makes comments about Diane's OH for not doing anything 'special' (Claire will have bought a very nice present for her though). After years Diane finds it a bit grating that Claire hasn't worked out she isn't bothered by a fuss and dislikes the implied criticism of her family.
If you have two friends/family members with such different opinions, is anyone wrong or right? Should Diane have to continue to buy presents and go out to dinner every year? Should Claire stop criticising Diane? Is Diane being ungrateful and tight, or Claire grabby?