To think this is really condescending

[DaniBubbles]

"be a good kid"

For context, I am late 20s and my cousin is 21. We don't see each other all that often but when we do, this is his choice of words towards me.

Yesterday I was round at their house, general chit chat about how work is going etc and as time went on, I got up to leave saying I was going to get some sleep before nightshift That's when he pipes up "yeah, you should run home and sleep like a good kid"
I've never really addressed it in the past.. comments here and there like "haha my days of being a kid are long gone!" perhaps they were too subtle? Anyway, I couldn't keep it in and told him sharply to knock it off and that I find him calling me a "kid" to be really condescending and he needs to stop. His face dropped for a split second and he said "sorry but it's a compliment really" with a big smirk on his face.

I have no idea if he also says this to his friends or if it's reserved just for me but both he and his mother don't seem to think there is anything wrong in this.

Am I the only one who thinks his words are bizarre? Truth be told, it really makes me unreasonably angry and I'd just had enough.

The security man on the front desk at my office calls me kiddo. Cheers me up every morning. I am 48 - he's about 88.

YANBU, there's a difference between saying 'our kid' the Northern expression and telling someone older than you to 'go to bed like a big kid'.

The latter does sound condescending and would piss me off too.

Awalkinthepark1 people who use "over complicated words" in informal every day small talk are usually unable / unwilling to alter their register to suit the occasion. Having an extensive vocabulary is great, but there is a time and a place for using it. People who chose vocabulary suited to a PhD thesis, or even to an article in the FT, when making informal chit chat either have social communication disorder, or are trying to patronise their conversational partner but in reality (ironically) just making themselves look ignorant - as his cousin the OP has a better chance than us of knowing which.

"Kid" may be (is sometimes) a colloquial term of affection - but the sentence taken in its entirety strongly suggests that is not what is going on here.

Dani I agree it is condescending, and in fact quite snide to say "you should run home and sleep like a good kid" to your slightly older cousin, unless he has a disorder that means he has a genuine reason for struggling to select the correct lexical register. Assuming that is not the case, you did right to pull him up on his attempt to patronise and snipe at you.

This is obviously about more than just the words: it's about the whole relationship, the vibes he gives off, the opinion he clearly has of you.

Don't think there is anything you can do except rise above it, show him you are so secure nothing he says can affect you, laugh at him for being a bit childish, treat him like a little boy. He wants to establish equality (which to him probably means superiority because he is male), show him by your manner that he still has some way to go.

He sounds twattish. Dump him.

He didn't just call her 'kid'. He used the phrase 'like a good kid'. It's massively condescending, and I don't honestly believe that anyone here would be OK with it from a smirky younger cousin.

I'd have more of a problem with 'good' and the smirk. Does he mean 'like a goodie goodie'?

He sounds insecure. I'd make up a nickname that annoys him and use it every time he calls you Kid till he stops.

Well he's younger than you, so you could say, "Right you are, Foetus" every time he says it.

"yeah, you should run home and sleep like a good kid"

I don't see how that can be anything other than patronising.

I would just pat him on the head next time.

TBH sounds like the bravado of a young man, just let him know you don't like it.

I found hang ups about being 'machoooaar' and kid/adult faded with age. They seemed most prominent between 16-25 as I recall, perhaps because people were in the midst of being in their young adulthood and it was on their subconscious a lot.

I think he is just doing it because he knows it annoys you, basically just being a twat. Reacting and expecting to have a mature conversation about it won't work! Either don't react and he'll soon get bored or pat him on the head/ call him foetus as PPs have said. My little bro was very much like this in his early 20s (I'm 4 years older). Now he has a child, is engaged and votes Tory I have the last laugh!!

He just sounds a bit cheeky and immature. I can;'t see it's worth taking his remarks seriously. Just say something in return. Call him Grandad or something equally daft.

Well he's younger than you, so you could say, "Right you are, Foetus" every time he says it.

Yep I'd probably say something like this!