AIBU to think my sister is being unreasonable by having a baby?

[ThomasCromwell]

My sister is pregnant and instead of being really happy, I am really worried...
Some background: My sister has long term, chronic mental health problems that have affected her since childhood. She is not able to work. She also has other illnesses that make her life difficult as well as problems with alcohol and eating. When she drinks she is abusive but she does go long periods when she is dry. She has an on/off relationship with a guy who also has mental health issues and who can only work intermittently. She is probably having the best period in her life now and has been quite well for the last six months but even now she still has many days when she can't leave the house. A year ago she was suicidal.
She is delighted about the pregnancy. I can see why she is happy but I feel that she hasn't considered how she will cope. I worry about how the post natal depression will affect her and I think this child will be a carer and that's not fair. I think she has only considered what she wants and not what life would be like for her child. I can't see how she would care for it on a daily basis. Most days she can't get up until midday and takes Valium that knocks her out each night. Who is going to feed and care for the baby? I am really worried. AIBU?

I would worry too my sister is bipolar with severe anxiety and food and alcohol issues too, she has a daughter who's 9, life is hard for my neice she spent the first 6 years with my sister but it got to the point she was dirty and not going to school when my sister as having a bad day so went to live with my mum. It's still hard for her because she never knows what version of mum she is going to get one day shes playing with fun mum the next Shea being screamed at for the same thing she done the day before.

It's also put massive pressure on my mum having to parent again at 50 something, it's effected me I had to pay for her nursery and clothes for 6 years or she wouldn't have had any and had to do night feeds, regular babysitting (up to 10 days at a time) I had boyfriends who couldn't cope with me having this child I was responsible for when we should be out having fun (cancelled nights out etc). Even now she has a bed in our house goes on holiday with us we are a family of 3 but my partner has had to accept that it's 4 we have another child we can't leave out which does irritate him we pay for things for her when her mums out on the piss.

Sorry ive rambled a bit but it's the reality of someone like your sister having a baby there's a good chance this child will end up with problems, having a difficult upbringing and having different carers. It's not easy foe anyone and unless her problems are managed long term I don't think its fair to have a baby.

You're right to be anxious. I'm not sure if this is helpful, but I have known a couple of people with mental health issues who have had children and being a parent has been very fulfilling and life-changing in both of those cases.

Think about what you can do to support them (but only in a way that's sustainable and healthy for you), and whether there are other sources of support?

Social services may intervene if she's well known to the mental Heath services.

I understand why you're concerned.

It may be the best thing that ever happened to her.