To be really pissed off?

[ARV1981]

My mother in law is brilliant and has offered to take care of ds two days a week. I am 100% appreciative of her offer. She has also made the same offer to my brother in law and his partner, to take their dd on the same days.

I am 100% behind this. I think it would be lovely for the children to get to know each other and to spend time with their grandma.

But... My brother in law and his girlfriend are coming up with all sorts of objections...

1. They don't want it at their house. Apparently it's because mil likes the heat on (though mil says she won't have the heat on, especially this time of year and plans to take the children to playgroups etc)
2. They don't want to drive both children to mil's house around 15 miles away (I suggested that they drop the children off and I'd pick them up as I start at 7.30am so can't really do the morning) apparently it costs too much (!)
3. They don't like the car seat i bought... They don't want to switch it between the three cars (mine, theirs and mils) even though its designed for this, got 81% on which review and I've paid for it and haven't asked for them to chip in (blood out of stone, and to be frank, I just want ds and dn to be safe!)
4. Every suggestion I've come up with they've vetoed.

Mil has breathing problems and we live on a hill so she's said she would prefer not to do it at our house. We're also in a parking permit zone with stupid restrictions meaning that we only get 60 24hr permits a year (50p each) which wouldn't be enough for two days a week, so even if mil said "ok, I'll deal with the hill" it wouldn't be possible.

I just don't know what to suggest!

Today I asked my mum if she'd take ds one day, and I don't know what to do about the other... I could find another childminder, but it's not something we've budgeted for (we would do it though). Mil was upset about this idea...

Aibu to have given up trying to find a solution to suit us all and just try to sort something for my ds and let them sort themselves out? I am really fed up with it!

I feel really bad for mil - she's made a generous offer of her time and bil ad his gf are just taking it for granted! It's gt to the point where I'd rather just do my own thing so as to not deal with them!

Stop problem-solving for them

Say yes please to MIL, say you are happy to take DS to her, or have her (and DN) at yours, or theirs or whatever

Let them sort it out and support MIL not to have them take the utter piss out of her generous offer.

Right. So you use the MIL and they don't.

What is the problem?

Just use mil and ignore bil.

Wow! Two days at my nursery costs £90 .... Bet petrol doesn't cost that much!

I agree with everyone else that you should just make your arrangements with MIL and ignore the in laws. Yanbu to be frustrated at them putting barriers in the way.

Ignore BIL and his gf and drop your DC off at MIL's. I think the question here is why you feel responsible for them. Do you usually place yourself last?

I agree with everyone else.

Just make your arrangements with mil and leave it at that.

Like the others, I also am confused?

Why are you so tied up in your BIL / SIL's problems?

Just drop your DC at your MIL's and get on with your day.

Why are you even considering any of these crazy options? Your MIL has offered to look after your DC 2 days a week at her house. Great. Say yes. It works for you.

BIL and gf can drive to MILs, or get another child care arrangement. Their choice. Not yours. Not MILs. You shouldn't be involved in it at all.

I guess I wanted to help as much as possible and sharing the journeys is obviously better for us all.

My mother in law is looking after ds alone tomorrow so I'll have a chat with her about it with her then. She is prepared to come into the city on both days at her own expense - I just thought it would be fairer for her and easiest all round to send both children to her house. I suggested we share the drop off and pick up because otherwise I'll have to leave ds with her very early (but it's actually no earlier than I leave on other days to get him to his childminder for three days a week).

I have to thank you all though! I did think this was a problem i had to fix. But actually i should just let them sort themselves out! And, yes, mil is giving us £80 worth of childcare, each. It's an extremely generous offer, which is why i was trying to make it as easy as possible for her.