to be questioning this friendship

[mia101982]

Hi all. I have become friends wit a girl from ds school this year. She was also there last year but never spoke to anyone , just kept her head down etc. However I made an effort to get to know her this year as my ds is friendly with hers etc. She is very nice & comes to my house a few days during week while waiting to collect her older son from school as she lives a bit away so saves her walking home and back out again etc. I am happy wit that as we have a cuppa while kids play. However anytime I suggest to meet after school or at weekends for a play she always has an excuse r says she hasn't seen the text until too late. Also if I txt her during wkend about anything like football club r just a random txt she don't reply until the next day if at all. If I needed to ring her for example which wud b very rare, she wouldn't answer Maybe this is normal for her. I just find if she wants to come and wait in my house she texts & replies straight away but if anything other than that she doesn't. Maybe I been paranoid and thinking silly. I dunno as we get on really well. What do ye think? Why don't people reply to texts. I get everyone is busy but surely when it all calms downs at night, people go thru their texts and reply ? Maybe I am over thinking it. I just don't want to seem needy by texting her sometimes and then getting no answer?

I think she has not harassed you or come after you for friendship. It's clear that this is as much as she can do. If you don't like it, I'd stop befriending her. If you don't mind, I wouldn't.

See that's another thing I often wonder then is it something I have done or said that she acts like this & am left almost worrying then until next time i hear from her. Whereas deep down I know I help her out loads which I genuinely do not mind as I do like this person & to be honest I wud treat anyone the same if I could help someone . I have a great network of friends that I could go for weeks without hearing from and that's fine as we just catch up from where we left off. So maybe I am over thinking this and at the end of the day she is more a "school gate friend" than a long term friend at the minute & perhaps that's how she feels too.

Your friend sounds a bit like me
I tend to keep myself very much to my myself on the school run -I'm not there to make friends, I'm there to drop off and pick up my kids. I'm certainly not unfriendly and will smile and make small talk with anyone who wants too, but I don't actively seek out people to stand with or chat to. I will admit I hate it when someone walks with me on the way to school as I like that quiet time to calm down from work and think -I do try to avoid seeing anyone! It's nothing to do with anyone else or how nice they are -there are some lovely mum's, dad's and grandparents at our school- I just like my own space! That said, I never blank anyone. Without sounding unkind to you, it sounds like you want different things out of this friendship. She wants a casual, quick coffee and chat, weekday friend, not a lifelong best buddy. You want a more committed, close friend to spend time with outside of school time. I would back off and just let it be what it is (if you like her!). Enjoy your casual chats together, or just don't invite her back to your house anymore and keep it to polite hi 's and byes. I will say that I'm another who is attached to my phone in the week with work and childcare arrangements and then I put it down for the weekend and have a break so I sometimes miss texts or calls and will reply next day. Don't take it personally.