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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I don't know how to resolve this?

20 replies

nilbyname · 03/05/2016 20:24

DH and I had a fight on Monday morning, something small which escalated quickly. We both shouted, he got a bit personal and that made me rally cross and I shut it down and stormed off.
We haven't really spoken since.

We have 2 small kids and we have a busy life which requires communication. I don't feel like I can back down and clearly he feels the same way.

I don't know where to go from here, I think I am owed an apology and I will apologise for losing my temper, but my temper was lost because he couldn't see what he had done.

So what should we do. I was ready to talk tonight I said would you like some dinner and he said "I'll sort myself out", which means that he is clearly not! Gah we have been married 10 years, this is nuts.

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 03/05/2016 20:26

All you can do is act normal and let him figure out he's acting like an idiot. He should apologise for making personal remarks - they're always horrible.

Original poster

nilbyname · 03/05/2016 20:43

We just tried talking and it was worse.

I said that I can't let this one go and he tried to pin it on me, then tried to drag up old issues and I wouldn't let him. Then I said there is no point talking about this anymore as we are just going round in circles.

He's gone for a walk now.

I'm really sad and have come to bed. This is fucked

OP posts:

MistressoftheYoniverse · 03/05/2016 21:02

Ok...I'm going to suggest something...
I know you are hurt and angry and probably rightly so...but..do you feel that you have anything to apologise for?...If you do ...do you think you can take a deep breath and apologise for that?...then see where that takes you?...

You may feel that this is a compromise he does not deserve, but this is actually more about you as a person than him, you are showing your maturity and willingness to work things out... just an idea...it has worked for me in the past I have been married 15yrs and we have had some real numbers...now he is more willing to apologise even more that me sometimes... because actually couples mirror each other...

How do you feel? ...think this would work?

ImperialBlether · 03/05/2016 21:17

Send him a text: In the interests of marital harmony I apologise for losing my temper. Please feel free to apologise for making personal comments. I hate having fights - can we at least be civil to each other?

Original poster

nilbyname · 03/05/2016 21:17

mistress I have. Apologised for my part I thought and then he starts changing the story.

I'm at a loss.

OP posts:

blinkyoullmissit · 03/05/2016 21:36

How about just ignoring him? Act like nothing's changed, be nice and sweet. Maybe then he'll feel guilty and apologise.
It's teeth gritting stuff, and honestly it takes all my self control to do it, but my DP acted like this once with me (admittedly for just over an hour). I just acted like nothing was wrong and he came crying back saying he was sorry for being an Arse.
It might or might not work

MistressoftheYoniverse · 03/05/2016 23:10

Aww nilby I'm so sorry ...hate when they get like this...I always think to myself ..He's full of Arseholium...I think of it as a gas that affects the brain..and affects logical thinking and behaviour ...I'm with blink..act human and see how he behaves...

52dietname · 03/05/2016 23:11

Yabu to shoehorn this into AIBU

NickiFury · 04/05/2016 00:16

Don't be a dick 52.

Original poster

nilbyname · 04/05/2016 07:14

Another night of not talking and I didn't sleep a wink.

OP posts:

tinyterrors · 04/05/2016 07:27

Is there something else going on with him? If he's under stress or worried about something it may be clouding his judgement and projected onto the argument which is why he's carrying it on.

If not he needs to grow up and stop being a dick. No one likes admitting they were wrong after an argument but it's what adults do, especially when you have children.

If I were you I'd carry on being normal and wait for him to realise he's been ridiculous carrying an argument on this long. You've apologised for your part, now it's up to him.

hesterton · 04/05/2016 07:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

nilbyname · 04/05/2016 07:55

Thanks for your input, I'll try and act normally but I feel so so sad

OP posts:

OneMillionScovilles · 04/05/2016 10:13

NickiFury - "Don't be a dick 52" is a comment I'm seeing a lot lately. I would say not to feed the trolls, but maybe the problem with this one is she's hangry...?

52dietname, go eat a fucking sandwich or something and come back when you can stop being unnecessary to people seeking support.

Tryingtostayyoung · 04/05/2016 20:42

Agreeing that you should just act normal and see what happens, I also hate arguing but my DH always likes to drag it out. How's it been this evening?

CaptainCrunch · 04/05/2016 20:47

Feel your pain op. Had a row with dh of 31 years on Monday night, only just resolved it about an hour ago.

You'll be ok soon hopefully.

Original poster

nilbyname · 04/05/2016 21:37

So I called a truce. I tried acting normally but he was still cold, so I said that we both knew what we had to change (trying to save face for him) and I was sick of fighting. I love him.

He cried and said he was not built for fighting.

So I think we are ok, I think there had been a line in the sand drawn though. For both of us.

Thank everyone for your kind words and patience. It sort of a nothing argument, we are not bad people and he's a lovely man. It's just hard to fight like that it feels so isolating.

wotsit52 perhaps you should get a hobbie, crochet or line dancing maybe?

OP posts:

CaptainCrunch · 04/05/2016 21:39

Good stuff op.

52dietname · 04/05/2016 23:39

Hey OneMillion - I've reported your post. I'm not a troll or hangry. No need to be rude.

NickiFury · 04/05/2016 23:48

Hope you took note of the content before your whining to MNHQ gets the post deleted.

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