To be annoyed with DH for taking the wind out my sails

[voluptuagoodshag]

I've never been much of a runner but had been doing the odd 5k. I've signed up to do a 10k in Autumn so have been trying to get out more. Today, for the first time ever, I actually covered the 10k distance. I took a couple of rests and walked quickly up the steep bits but I was well chuffed with myself and feeling great. I shared this with DH when he got home from work. His response when he asked how long it took me was 'well done, gives you something to build on'
I was duly pissed off at this but he went on to say that my time was a bit slow. FFS who cares, I ran the distance, and half of it was up a fairly steep hill. Prat! Felt the need to vent.

I thinks sallys comment is hilarious and you should definitely do it.
YANBU a nice encouraging Well Done is what he should have said

I would never want him as a coach. I'm not that competitive. I like to just do things and be glad to finish. We've just had another argument about it and he basically said if I run a time like that I'll be last with the fatties! His words, not mine. How charming! I think anyone who runs anything well done them.

My DH is a terrible coach for me too volupt he trains kids and he is brilliant, super patient. I think they use up all of his coaching patience.

Wow, what an unpleasant person he sounds. You're right to be cross about this. Don't let him make you feel bad about it.

Not sure why that would be upsetting, he's giving practical advice. You covered it in such a distance so that's your baseline, now that's what you can use to work from.

That's my understanding anyway.

My DH is just the same. He's a seriously good runner so will only give me "helpful" advice rather than uncritical praise. Which is genuinely helpful most of the time, and a lot of his advice has helped me progress.

However, when I ran my first half marathon after having DD, I would really have liked a well done rather than just a huge rant about the fact that he'd had to watch the children for the morning on his own. He completely ruined the event for me and I ended up in tears on what should have been a happy day.

I don't know either Pirate but apparently he's now rude about "fatties", just in case anyone thought he was reasonable.

It's just differing expectations. The OP thinks covering 10k is an end in itself. Her DH thinks it's a step on the way to something more. I suspect he's now just on the defensive. I would be, as I don't understand the fuss about "well done, now you've got something to build on". The op said the race was in the autumn. Presumably her dh thinks she might want to use the summer to build on her success.

I like coaches who push me

Exactly. Say she did it in 3 hours, he's basically saying she could do it faster.

Well done OP. I'm a fat ass and can't don't want to run 10k but I don't think he was being critical, I think he was trying to be supportive in his own way.

From someone who cannot run 1km never mind 10 , well done you for covering the distance . I presume that your DH meant to be more supportive and was saying that he believes you can achieve greatness !
One of the things that puts me off running though is all the mad keen drama llamas who tut and huff at mere mortals who are not interested in PB's and are just bloody grateful that they got through it with their limbs still attached ( not projecting there , oh no !)

YANBU.

I'm super impressed. Anyone "civilian"'who can run 10k and not die is a total legend in my book!

Gabilan and Pirate have it, I think. What your DH said was pretty supportive and kind, OP - he did say well done, right?
And presumably you agree that you have something to build on, as you'll want to run the whole thing in the autumn rather than stopping for rests and walks?

Yes, you've done really well to cover the distance. A first 10k is really tough. IIRC, I actually found getting to 10k harder than getting to half marathon and marathon distance.

But now you've got months to get faster, with a view to running the whole thing. Don't think there's any harm in your DH pointing that out? Good luck with training.

I think there's a very important difference between such remarks from one's trainer, and from one's family. From their family, many people would want to hear "nice" recognition of their achievements, and the tougher "now build on that" from the person training them, who is not there to provide emotional support. Driving lessons are a case in point: some people do well with an instructor, but private practice with family sometimes doesn't work because there are too many emotions involved.

In my schooldays, my mum was a teacher, and sometimes this was hard. When I told her about things I had done in school, sometimes she would make well-meaning remarks which slightly belittled my success, and in the end I stopped telling her about things I did in school. For instance:
"Why was it only 19 out of 20?"
"How did that mark compare with the others in the class?" (Frequently!)
I didn't do well with taking advice from my mum: it was always too emotional, I always wanted to be "right". She knew this and often got other more detached family members to give me important advice. Sneaky - I didn't realise she'd done this until much later!

I heard about someone who abandoned a degree at Cambridge to become a cleaner. She said that "when a cleaning job was done, it was done. However, an essay could never be good enough: it could always be improved". While that might not get you far in today's competitive world, I had a certain sympathy with that argument.