Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My children don't get it when I'm ill

17 replies

PotterBot · 03/05/2016 10:25

I was admitted to hospital yesterday morning by ambulance for gall bladder pain. Have been on morphine for 24 hours and am now knocking back the tramadol as I'm so uncomfortable. Currently lying in bed.

Dd has a class assembly today last week I promised I would go. I really don't feel up to it. She cried this morning and said I never go to any of her assembly's.
This might be true but only because I'm working to pay for my children to have food and somewhere to live! They never have a go at their father who doesn't live with us.

I don't know if I'm being unreasonable or just rambling in a morphine induced state.

OP posts:
gruffaloshmuffalo · 03/05/2016 10:32

How old is she? If she's old enough to understand being sick, then she's being unreasonable. I hope you feel better soon

Original poster
PotterBot · 03/05/2016 10:35

She is 8. My children have an unbelievable knack of guilting me.

OP posts:
gruffaloshmuffalo · 03/05/2016 10:36

She's definitely being unreasonable. If she was 4 then it'd be harder for her to understand. She's just going to have to suck it up. I might be projecting as my 4 and 2 year old are complaining I don't go to their nursery things as I'm in work.

Brummiegirl15 · 03/05/2016 10:40

I have gallbladder attacks and have to take morphine and tramadol and voltarol where the sun doesn't shine (to complete the indignity) so I sympathise with the horrendous pain

Worse pain I've ever experienced (including childbirth) so yes your DD whilst I'm sure is disappointed, yes she's being a bit unreasonable

BarbarianMum · 03/05/2016 10:41

She's likely crying because she's upset and disappointed that you can't make it. At 8 you still see your parents as all powerful so it is hard (and scary, in this case) when you realise that they can't always keep their promises. Give her a hug and tell her you wish you could be there but a friend's mum will be watching her and will tell you all about it (if you know any of any mums that are likely to be there). I quite often watch class assemblies on behalf of several mums and they return the favour when I'm working.

Flowers And get well soon, she'll be fine.

IPokeBadgers · 03/05/2016 10:44

She is allowed to be disappointed but you are not being unreasonable either. Just think of it as a valuable life lesson re: expectation/managing disappointment and also about having empathy for others. She will be fine and will get it over it.

Gallbladder pain is horrendous, hope it eases soon for you.

rainbowunicorn · 03/05/2016 10:44

I think you are being a bit unreasonable to be honest she is 8 and was looking forward to her mum being there. Kids do not have the emotional maturity to deal with disappointment the way that adults do. They tend to say it like it is when upset over something. Add the fact that she was probably upset and worried when you were in hospital then she is just letting it all out.
You are coming across as very me, me, me and a bit selfish. Perhaps it is the morphine talking but if so maybe you should refrain from posting on a forum for all to see until the effects have worn off and you are thinking a bit more clearly.

pippistrelle · 03/05/2016 10:46

She's just disappointed. If you're not regularly able to attend such things, then I expect she was really looking forward to it, and when you've promised, something got in the way. She's really just saying that she wishes you could be there but, because she's eight, it comes out a bit weirdly.

Personally, I don't think either of you are being unreasonable. I hope you feel better soon.

SilverDragonfly1 · 03/05/2016 12:31

I'd think she was really upset about you being ill. It just came out as being about the assembly. I remember when my mum had terrible hip pain and was crying while pregnant with my brother. I was 10 and terrified she was going to die. Neither of you are unreasonable and I hope you feel better soon- gallstones are dreadful.

corythatwas · 03/05/2016 12:33

Agree with other posters that she is just frightened because all powerful mummy is suddenly vulnerable. Part of growing up, but scary all the same.

Hope you feel better soon.

blueskyinmarch · 03/05/2016 12:49

She is just 8. She will be experiencing a mixture of disappointment and worry. She will survive, and so will you.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 03/05/2016 13:02

Hope you feel better soon. Things are very black and white to your DD she is not able to mask her disappointment. I'm sure the remarks about you never attending were uttered in dismay and typical 8yo dramatic fashion, try not to dwell on them.
(If she shrugged off the fact you were unable to attend, apparently uncaring, I don't think that would make you feel any better).

As for their Dad not being got at, I wonder if their expectations are lower - they expect no more of him and put their faith in you their primary carer so consequently save their judgyness for you...?

Witchend · 03/05/2016 14:52

Thing is that I don't think a lot children understand that adults can really be ill. I have two memories of either of my parents being ill. One was my dad when he got tonsillitis at the same time as me so we went to the doctor together. That's why I remember him being ill, not because he acted as though he felt ill. And mum went into hospital for a hernia operation. I was 12yo, and I have no recollection of her being out of action afterwards, she couldn't jog for a couple of weeks but I don't recall her acting ill at all.
I'm sure there were times they were not well but I don't remember them acting like it.

8yo is still quite young to understand that mummy doesn't feel well enough. At that age they really do love seeing you in school. if you'd promised you would go, and never do, it was a big thing for her- I suspect you might well have been disappointed if you'd said you would go and she said she wasn't bothered.

When dd1 was right at the end of year 6 I remember going in at lunch for a parent thing. One of her form-one of the "tough type nothing phases me" boys, stood the whole lunch time by the school gate "just in case mum might come". Nothing anyone could say moved him. The look on his face as he looked out. Sad
Later I spoke to his mum and the day came up in conversation and she said that she'd told him from the outset that there was absolutely no way she could make that date-she managed about half plus similar things, and that was one she knew she couldn't get time off for.

HermioneJeanGranger · 03/05/2016 14:59

Oh bless her - eight is still young. She's probably going through a whole mixture of emotions but she doesn't know how to express them, so she's just burst into tears. I imagine she's worried about you, disappointed because you can't be there when you promised, angry that you getting sick meant she got let down and all that together just made her overwhelmed and upset.

When I was that age, my parents rarely made things like assemblies as they both worked and I remember being really happy when they said they could get time off, and equally really upset when a meeting came up which meant they cancelled. She doesn't hate you, she's just upset and really wanted you to be there.

I hope you feel better soon, though. Just give her a cuddle when she gets home from school and do something special with her once you feel better. Flowers

Original poster
PotterBot · 03/05/2016 15:56

I dragged myself along. She did very well. So we are friends again.

OP posts:
pippistrelle · 03/05/2016 16:39

Oh, well done, PotterBot. That's above and beyond, and she'll appreciate it - perhaps even more in the future than she does now.

IPokeBadgers · 03/05/2016 18:17

Ah bless you PotterBot, you did really well. Hope she appreciates it.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page