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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fucked off! re aunt and will AIBU?

28 replies

Harriotthaspy · 03/05/2016 02:56

My mum died last year in feb. In her will my aunt was the executor andto divide everything equally between me, sister, brother.

My mum had a box of jewellery which we at first said we would sort between us but since none of us talk to eachother we have just said to sell it.

My mums partner who was also executor said me and my sister should have it since we will wear it but my brother decline so the sale was agreed.

I would rather not sell as with my sister but my brother wants to sell because of course he cannot wear it.

My mum died last year feb and still my aunt hasnt given the jewels to the shop to get valued
I spoke to her earlier and she said how she "doesnt feel comfortable leaving it in a jewellers"
So what exactly should we do? Leave it in your attic until you die and your kids take it?

Then she said how we can sell it but my brother may want to take one piece to give to his daughter (who he doesnt see and wont)
I said NO WAY
So if he say takes a piece of the indian gold which is around 5k he gets an extra 5k on top of me n my sister?

Its to be shared equally simple as no dips.

I already got drawn the short straw as some things if my mums i wanted in the house my aunt gave to the new buyers due to "not wanting to pull out of the sale"

Im getting really fuked off with all this shit how hard is it to follow a will!
And my aunt is just pissing me off she already took photos of my mum were she was in her underwear when younger that me n my sister didnt want ANYONE to see as we know my mum would of been embarrassed and she has shown our brother and god knows who else.

Aibu?
What can i do about this?

OP posts:
Original poster
Harriotthaspy · 03/05/2016 02:59

I can't sleep over thinking this in bed

OP posts:
ErNope · 03/05/2016 03:03

How much jewelry did she have? If 6+ pieces, can you all keep one piece of similar value (after having them valued) to do with as you wish, sell the rest and split the money? That way you and your sister get to keep one, your brother also has one to give to his daughter?

Original poster
Harriotthaspy · 03/05/2016 03:04

Its around i would say 15 pieces and about 7 of those are indian gold

OP posts:
lastnightiwenttomanderley · 03/05/2016 03:09

Is this the same aunt who denied removing anything from the house but really had your mum's jewellery box?

You need to seek advice from a solicitor who specialises in probate as it sounds like your aunt may have overstepped her remit as executor. Does your brother even want any of the jewellery or is this your aunt projecting what she thinks should happen onto everyone?

Original poster
Harriotthaspy · 03/05/2016 03:10

Another reason it annoys me is because my mum had a christian dior watch, it wasnt one of the most expensive ones, maybe 600? I said i wanted it and my sister said it was fine but my aunt made a big fuss about me taking it because my brother was in jail and didnt have a say and "maybe he will have a girlfriend he can give it to"

OP posts:
Original poster
Harriotthaspy · 03/05/2016 03:15

No lastnight, me and my sister were there when she took the jewels as we wanted it out my mums house due to it being vacant.
My brother was in jail at the time.
However she did remove the photos without our say so which we wanted to give to our dad considering there were also photos of him when younger in his pants which i know he would be ashamed anyone seeing.
She is just taking the piss.
I think my brother wants to sell it but he is currently living with her due to veing bailed at her house which is also why i dont trust the jewels at her house, are they even there anymore?

OP posts:
SpanishLady · 03/05/2016 03:15

You need to take the jewellery and have it valued - share that with your siblings - get their written agreement to sell and split equally - sell, split the money and go back to never speaking or seeing them again.

Am glad I am from my family on reading this.

Janecc · 03/05/2016 04:20

It sounds as if she is unreasonably with holding your property. That must be illegal. You need to get some legal advice fast. And yes, get the watch if it's ok according to your sister, it shouldn't go to some random dolly bird. I would get it valued and split 3 ways. Your brother is then able sell his share.
First thing tomorrow I'd go back and ask to see it all to take photos for insurance purposes, take a tape measure and photograph it next to the tape and photograph hallmarks etc. Then ask her if it's insured as she shouldn't have uninsured jewellery in her house. Besides insured jewellery of high value should be valued and photographed. I would be angling to remove it either to put it in a safety deposit box or to be valued. Forward all the photos to her so she knows you're not trying to steal it. But just get it away from your brother. He'll be skint and selling the booty may be too difficult to resist.
And if she won't hand it over, you know you need legal advice from a probate lawyer fast.

ShanghaiDiva · 03/05/2016 04:51

As your mother did not specify how the split would work, all items need to be valued ( cost of valuation can come out of the estate) and then split equally in terms of monetary value not in terms of equal number of items. Your aunt is not fulfilling her role as the executrix and you need to seek legal advice.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 03/05/2016 05:48

If you feel she is failing in her duty as an executor, you can do something about it.
Have a read of this death-duties.co.uk/content/executor-liabilities for starters.

sepa · 03/05/2016 06:15

I wonder if she has sold the jewellery already and is trying to stall everything because it's no longer there.

Why can't you and your sister have some of the jewellery and just get less of a cut than your brother?

To me it seems very sad picking over these bits when in reality it's just stuff

WeAreEternal · 03/05/2016 06:21

You said that you don't speak to your siblings but I imagine that your sister is just as irritated by this as you, would it be worth contacting her to ask if she agrees that your aunt is not behaving correctly and working together to get this sorted out.

Pseudo341 · 03/05/2016 06:54

Split the jewellery three ways, if your brother wants to sell his share that's up to him. I know you said you don't get on with your sister but is there a chance she'd team up with you over this since you're in the same boat? You could go over there together and demand she hand it over.

Original poster
Harriotthaspy · 03/05/2016 10:52

I do think i should contact my sister as when i was talking to her we both expressed how pissed off we were with my aunt and her comments espcially "he may get a girlfriend one day" like really you think our mums jewels should go to some random girl he will probably end up breaking up with Angry

OP posts:
Original poster
Harriotthaspy · 03/05/2016 10:54

Sepa That is what had me up all night her saying "i Dont want to leave it in a jewellers" so what do you expect we do with it? I dont even know if she has it anymore

OP posts:
thecitydoc · 03/05/2016 10:59

get a solicitor involved

PaulAnkaTheDog · 03/05/2016 11:05

Why is it preferable to sell the jewellery to random people rather than split it and let your brother do what he wants with his third? Sorry, I just don't get that bit.

SolidGoldBrass · 03/05/2016 11:09

Sounds to me like the root of this is your aunt thinking that women are inferior to men - what is important (in her opinion) is that your brother gets the best of everything and you and your sister get to 'know your place'.

Either that or your aunt is defrauding you, has sold the jewellery and is keeping the money for herself. Perhaps she feels she will get away with this as your family is so fractured. I would defiitely agree with PP who have said you should get some legal advice. Your aunt cannot just do what she wants with property that belongs to you and your siblings.

RB68 · 03/05/2016 11:12

It should be equally distributed (after valuations) and he can then do what he likes with his share e.g. sell it and you and your sister can keep yours. If you want more than your fair share you effectively have to "buy it" by either reducing the amount of ££ you receive or paying for it

Pinkheart5915 · 03/05/2016 11:14

So you late mums will stated everything be divided equally between you, sister and brother?
Why can't your aunt give you all equal amounts of jewellery, then your brother can sell his or give to further gf if he so wishes and you and your sister can then choose if you sell or keep.
To be an equal split as the will stated I think your aunt would need to get the items valued first.
Could you speak to a solicitor?

Family situations like this are so sad, your aunt should be trying to help you after your mothers death not with holding items.

BillSykesDog · 03/05/2016 11:20

I feel a little sorry for your aunt. It sounds like a bit of a nightmare situation to be an executor in, especially as your brother sounds such a piece of work. Do you think she is worried you'll regret selling the jewellery further down the line because your brother is forcing the sale?

shovetheholly · 03/05/2016 11:21

Get it valued, divide it equally, and leave it up to each individual whether they want to sell it or to keep it.

scallopsrgreat · 03/05/2016 11:22

"Why can't your aunt give you all equal amounts of jewellery, then your brother can sell his or give to further gf if he so wishes and you and your sister can then choose if you sell or keep." This.

I too advise you speak to a solicitor.

mrsrhodgilbert · 03/05/2016 11:23

I thought there was a time limit on probate. If your mum died over 12 months ago and her sister has still not settled the estate she could find herself in trouble. It is very easy to contact the probate service to ask for advice, they're helpful and will tell you the rules? If the jewellery goes to a reputable jeweller you will get itemised receipts for every piece.

I'd make that call if you don't want to engage a solicitor. There's lots online too if you have the patience to go through it. This really annoys me and I've seen it cause such harm.

muntapeedsarereal · 03/05/2016 11:30

No advice. But sorry for your loss and the ongoing stress 💙 (im not sure how to do the flower emote sorry)