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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have ruined DS' chances of being super cool

43 replies

JJoy342 · 02/05/2016 21:55

DS8 is in my opinion really cool , he's quite sporty, and has plenty of friends but apparently he's not super super cool.

The apparently super super cool kid in class invited him and 4 other boys in class to an all expenses paid trip out to Go Ape for his birthday (today) but sadly DS' best friend of a bunch of years was having his party on the same day. The issue was that DS2 is autistic and the best friends Mum had changed some of their initial birthday plans to accommodate DS2 so that he could attend as well, I could hardly have turned down an invite we'd already accepted after they put in so much effort to accommodate DS2.

If super cool boy's mum had been quicker with the invites then I could have accepted that first but she wasn't so we had to decline and DS has been dramatically distraught ever since, he sulked throughout the party and sulked through bath time and muttered how he's never miever going to be invited again and how everyone would be talking about it at school

Actually the majority of his class was at the party not out at Go Ape's so surely they would be talking about the party

DS gave me quite an annoyed look and said no one cares about the party and went to bed in a sulk

OP posts:

Original poster

JJoy342 · 03/05/2016 08:15

Alright, I didn't post to get attacked over a choice I didn't even make, I though it was a lighthearted thread but my mistake.

OP posts:

Minisoksmakehardwork · 03/05/2016 08:17

I meant would the two events still have clashed had the original party not been rearranged. Ie party 1 was 11-1, rearranged to 2-4 to accomodate ds2, party 2 was 2-4 when the invitation was made.

So actually ds1 was pissed that he might have been able to do both had his best friend's mum not have been so accommodating to his brother.

I'm not saying it's right, and you definitely did the right thing in accepting the first invite and not blowing them off for a better offer, regardless ds2. But having a Dc who can be very demanding and who has caused us to change our plans to the disappointment of our other dc, I can see his pov too.

I think perhaps a chat with ds1 and making sure he does get to do things that don't need changing or have to revolve around ds2 is worth considering. Just so in future ds1 can't use the argument that everything changes for his brother.

ExtraHotLatteToGo · 03/05/2016 08:18

I can't believe the shock & outrage at 8 year old kids 'classifying' their peers. It's been happening since the beginning of time - this dinosaur can vouch for the last 40 years at least, plus my parents generation...

Grips need got.

ExtraHotLatteToGo · 03/05/2016 08:20

JJoy. You didn't really think that everything you'd done & said in the last 20 years wouldn't be scrutinised did you?!

😬

LyndaNotLinda · 03/05/2016 08:27

Of course children 'classify' their peers. But it's a parent's job to teach them the importance of manners and loyalty. You know, so they don't grow up to be a twat

imnotalpharius · 03/05/2016 09:44

Do you know what's not cool, dropping a best friend for something new and shiny.

GoblinLittleOwl · 03/05/2016 10:53

Love the 'dramatically distraught.'

MrsUniverse · 03/05/2016 11:39

Ah AIBU had been particularly hysterical these last few days. OP I completely get your points and hope that your DS calms down and understands them too.

mouldycheesefan · 03/05/2016 11:46

Sulking during party is not acceptable. Very rude. I would have taken him to sit in the car unless he could behave appropriately. All this cool nonsense is nonsense don't give it airtime.
You need to get a firmer grip on things,

Alanna1 · 03/05/2016 11:50

Could you give supercool kid a birthday present as well and invite him over for a special tea?

thecatfromjapan · 03/05/2016 11:55

This thread demonstrates why it's rarely advisable to post in AIBU!

He'll get over it, OP. Accentuate the positive and tell him you are really proud of him. Sounds as though you do a lot of that, though. Any milage in a sleep-over with new friends - or is that too tricky given your set-up? You seem to be saying that he does a lot of compromising, uncomplainingly. It sounds as though you want a chance to show him you're putting him first. It sounds tough.

Fwiw, I used to have a super-organised friend who booked ds for her child's party months in advance. Unfortunately, the date always clashed with the party given by a class-mate, whose parents were not super-organised.

Ds always wanted to go to class-mate's party - but we had already promised ds for super-organised party.

After a couple of years, we finally decided we were being too polite and let ds pull out of super-organised birthday and attend class-mate birthday.

It wasn't a huge social issues. The world didn't end.

thecatfromjapan · 03/05/2016 11:58

And, no, you weren't BU. It was a tricky situation.

TondelayaDellaVentamiglia · 03/05/2016 12:11

it's all someone else's fault isn't it?

best friend mother changed the party plans
super cool friend mother was tardy sending out invitations

and now you are getting bristly because in spite of claiming to know the right thing to do you out and out said you would have let him go to the "higher status" party of you thought you'd have got away with it.

He is eight years old and if you feel he is sacrificing a lot for the sake of his brother then that is in your remit to sort. Invite super cool child over, do things that do not need to be limited because of x,y,z.

and stop sulking! The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

queenofthepirates · 03/05/2016 12:11

He'll understand when he's a parent so only another 25 years to wait....

In the meantime, let him sulk, he has feelings and should be able to express them.

ProphetOfDoom · 03/05/2016 12:13

Aww, I would have wanted to go to Go Ape as well - and at 8 you do go to a lot of similar parties and that would have really sounded cool. But did I read it wrong? - he sulked through his best friend's party (not cool) or through his brother's best friend's party (more forgivable!)??

It's tough understanding when such a carrot is dangled and it looks so amazing, but if it's the former he needs talking through what it means to be a best friend.

And maybe later in the year he & bf could go? Afair he's on the cusp of the lower age range for Go Ape anyway so he's got plenty of time.

BarbarianMum · 03/05/2016 12:37

It is not any type of cool to blow off your best mate for a better offer More fool you if you told him the reason he couldn't go was because of his brother.

Original poster

JJoy342 · 03/05/2016 13:20

Okay, some seriously judgy people on here. I didn't tell him he couldn't go because of his brother, I made it very clear it was because we accepted the first invite.

He isn't allowed to categorise people, he knows it's hurtful but I was trying to show why he was desperate to go the other party.

Some of you on here seriously have some issues, I'm not raising a twat and he wasn't dropping his best friend, it was a hypothetical situation and how does missing a birthday party mean that's he dropping a friend ?!

For those of you that genuinely want to know, he was much cheerier this morning, think I'll invite BF round for tea to make up for his sulking at the party.

OP posts:

mouldycheesefan · 03/05/2016 13:39

What is the consequence for your son of sulking through the party? He gets a play date? Confusing messages all round here.

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