In laws doctors and give unsolicited advice

[bowbohm]

Another story of inlaws I'm afraid. My lb is nearly 4 months old and my family lives in another country so the only family I have is husbands. His parents are really lovely and have been so generous and kind. His mum has even been a second mum with mine so far away until our son was born and now I feel invisible so much so that at the last family gathering I was ignored even when I asked for my son back to feed him when he was crying.

My MIL especially advises on everything on how best to take care of our son. Since lb was a few weeks old she has been hinting about introducing formula as I "won't be able to keep up with his demand soon". She hints at this to my husband every time she sees him (always within earshot of me) and asks about his weight. I have been ignoring it up until now except yesterday she mentioned it again directly to me. I said that he was fine and that I had read up on it and I shouldn't need to even tried to talk about a study where ebf mothers don't necessarily produce more milk and their los still gain weight healthily. She said something along the lines of 'did I want him to stop gaining weight'. I just stopped the conversation and mentioned it to my husband who said that she just wants to babysit to give us a break.

How do I deal with over ruling their advice especially when they are doctors?

His argument has always been that they are doctors but to me they are parents and now grandparents first.

I agree with this, OP. Your ILs may be doctors, but unless they are experts in fields like paediatrics and with recent/current experience, then their advice is no better than anybody elses.

A breastfed 4 month old doesn't need formula if feeding is well established, so do what feels right to you. Your DH does need to support this. And there's no rush to allow babysitting/overnights if you don't want it. Again, that has to come when you feel comfortable about it.

My MIL did this but she had never breastfed and was clueless about all of its benefits, she was ignorant and being selfish as she wanted to look after my baby. Your MIL will be well educated on the benefits of breastfeeding and will be well aware that they far outweigh her need to have you baby for any prolonged period of time. It's not fair for her to make those remarks when she should be trying to support you and your DH in whatever parenting choices you make.
Babies do odd things to us women, be firm and when she realises you're going to do things the way that's right for you and your family, she'll come around.

OP do you know if your MIL breastfed? I have two DILs, I breastfed all of mine and one for 3 years, their mothers didn't BF at all. They both had pressure, subtle but still pressure, to use formula. I'm not sure if it was because they really thought the baby needed more or because they didn't like breastfeeding or what. I tried to be supportive but without pushing an agenda, one was able to feed for six months but the other only managed for a few weeks. She felt a failure and I told her it was great she had managed for those crucial few weeks.

Sometimes mother and MILs get it wrong, sometimes we try to get it right and still get it wrong. I got loads of hassle from mother and MIL about feeding for 3 years but that particular child needed it and I could do it. I used to just say the HV and doctor were happy so they shouldn't worry. Then you give a big smile and change the subject. It gets boring but I figured they meant well.

Agree with grannytomine did she bf? My sister didn't enjoy it one bit and did it for about 4 months, from about this point onwards with my DD I had constant comments about - when are you going to stop, why are you still doing that, oh you are feeding again, from both her and my BIL.

I ignored on the whole as I parked it in the box in my head of - once I am doing something my sister didn't - I get a lot of grief over all sorts of things that fit into this box in general life - even more so now I have a DD!!

I have worked out in the past few years she has a number of issues which affect our relationship, love her to bits but she is very quick to point out when I am doing things differently or not how she would!!

That is a brilliant response!