To think mums have a more socially acceptable reason not to work

[ciceroscribe]

And a lot of the time, having children means mums can retrain or take work in a different direction.

What you are describing isn't mother's. It is people who are fortunate to have a partner who can financially support them if they wish to retrain.

this.

But if you're single then you would struggle to retrain and pay mortgage and bills whereas most people with children have a partner.

That's down to having a partner, not down to having children

Fact is that most people get some shit of some people for their decisions. Wether you are a stay at home parent, working parent, childless, childless and don't work, childless and do work etc. There are always people out there that will give you shit for it.

All that matter is that you and your partner are happy. If one of you can afford to give up work and retrain and the other is happy to take finically responsibility for a while it's up to you as a couple.

Of course it's more difficult to give up work if you are single. But that's just life.

Eh? That's bollocks.

We are more skint now we have two DC than before even though our wages have risen. I feel trapped in a job I don't want to do but which pays a decent wage because anything paying less wouldn't cover childcare costs.

Other mums are forced into a decision to stop work because it's not financially viable, or to change career / retrain to get a job that fits with free childcare hours eg teaching assistant.

Some mums look to set up their own businesses, trying to make money while being at home. A huge number of these fail.

Only a tiny minority think ooh I know, I'll quit my job now because my partner earns enough to fund me to pursue my dream AND pay for childcare on top. Because you'd probably need to be in the top 5% of earners to do that. Perhaps once all your children are at school some school hours training may be feasible but you'd be looking at 7 years + into parenthood by then.

I do concede however that having kids generally leads you to reflect on your life and work and the balance you want, and to think about ways you can reach that. Perhaps that's what you are trying to say?

a man staying at home to raise his children is viewed as lazy whereas a woman doing the same wouldn't be.

I disagree. My DH SAH and whenever I mention that it's like he's some kind of god - people are massively impressed by a man actually being a father, it seems. (And then there's all the people who still attempt to direct child-related stuff to me and I have to keep saying, "My husband is handling that; my husband has those details; I don't know, my husband sets her schedule, you'll need to coordinate with him", etc.)

OTOH, he has retrained and is starting a new career... the fact that I have a steady FT job does enable him to do that rather than get any job he can in order to bring in cash.

I suspect the reason many women retrain is that childcare and career interuptions do fall disproportionately more on them, and sometimes it is easier to retrain than the attempt to make up lost time in the old career.