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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

...to feel like this is a dig at mums/pg women?

18 replies

Angrybird234 · 01/05/2016 23:57

NC for this because of identifying details.
A friend of mine, whom I see fairly regularly as part of a group, says she doesn't want kids but when the guy she's dating says he wants a family she'll "do whatever makes him happy". Her current bloke has two teenagers so he is unlikely to want more. She's quite self absorbed, never asks how anyone else is (all about her) and she's always quick to show off on social media what an amazing time she's having doing xyz and posting selfies with a mutual friend who is single and her "bestie" (I introduced them!)
Myself and another mutual friend have announced pregnancies in the last couple of weeks, we've both kept it low key- no FB posts, we have other topics of conversation etc
Last week I got let down by her last minute for coffee and cake.
Today she posts this pic on FB.
AIBU to think she's having a dig, that she believes she is far superior to myself and other women who must have such unexciting lives that their only option is to have a child?
Does anyone else find this pic offensive or am I over sensitive from all the pg hormones?

...to feel like this is a dig at mums/pg women?

OP posts:

BillSykesDog · 02/05/2016 00:00

Er, no. I think she's just seen a quote which resonated with her and has shared it. I think this is your issue if you can't see that any woman who expresses an opinion about not wanting children at this moment in time is having a dig.

InspRemorse · 02/05/2016 00:02

Defo being too sensitive. YABU

JasperDamerel · 02/05/2016 00:03

It looks to me more like a response to digs aimed at her, with some friends/family members piling on pressure for her to have kids.

Samcro · 02/05/2016 00:03

yabu

MiddleClassProblem · 02/05/2016 00:03

I think it could go either way but it's just best to look at it as pp has and that its that she's enjoying her life as it is. Even if it was, I doubt it was at you and more the world having babies or asking here about it.

PurpleDaisies · 02/05/2016 00:05

AIBU to think she's having a dig, that she believes she is far superior to myself and other women who must have such unexciting lives that their only option is to have a child?

That's a huge leap. I think you're being over sensitive. The default seems to be that all women will want (or be able to) have children and those of us that are in that position are often asked to justify it. People are entitled to think that their life would change in such a way that means they don't want to have children. I think you are unreasonable to assume this post is about you.

OwlinaTree · 02/05/2016 00:05

No it's not offensive. We are all allowed to have different opinions on whether or not and when to have children.

Some of my friends had children in their early 20s. At that age I would probably have agreed with the sentiment of the above quote. Now I'm 38 and pg, and I have a 2 yo. Some of my friends would still agree with the sentiment of the quote.

So, YANBU to disagree with the friend's point of view, but YABU to be massively offended that she wants different things out of life and that this somehow reflects on your choices.

dodobookends · 02/05/2016 00:06

I think she's just seen a quote which resonated with her and has shared it

All well and good, but a bit crass and inconsiderate if two of her friends have just announced their pregnancies.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 02/05/2016 00:07

You're making her thoughts about yourself. Yabu.

DoesAnyoneReadTheseThings · 02/05/2016 00:07

Wow, calm down leapy leaperson! YABU

MiddleClassProblem · 02/05/2016 00:09

Btw it's ok to be sensitive when you are preggers. But you caught yourself so you're doing better than some

Original poster

Angrybird234 · 02/05/2016 00:12

Fair comments ladies, thank you. Goes without saying that such decisions are a very personal choice, and I wouldn't ever judge anybody by that personal choice.
It just smacks of overcompensation really- if you're having such a brilliant life why make such a big fuss about it and shove it in everyone's face? I can't stand the overly smug pg women that give a blow by blow status update on FB either btw!

OP posts:

julfin · 02/05/2016 00:17

I don't think she's having a dig, no. She just sounds a bit self-absorbed. But it's quite likely that she's getting/feeling lots of pressure from family and friends about having children, and so she's feeling a bit defensive. Which is understandable - it can be a bit tedious/upsetting to be in that situation. But it's not aimed at you, no - she's just in a very different place from you right now.

I will say YANBU though, because pregnancy can make people over-sensitive - that's very normal. Many congratulations on your exciting news! Hope you have a happy pregnancy.

Original poster

Angrybird234 · 02/05/2016 00:21

Thank you julfin 😊

OP posts:

MattDillonsPants · 02/05/2016 00:22

I think women who decide not to have babies get a lot of flack. Many comments about being "selfish" (how people reach THAT conclusion is beyond me) and other comments about them regretting it one day.

So they're entitled to overcompensate in order to get the message across to society at large.

VodkaValiumLattePlease · 02/05/2016 00:23

How is she a friend when you think all this negative stuff about her?

Original poster

Angrybird234 · 02/05/2016 00:29

Vodka I've picked her up (physically and emotionally) from dodgy dates, various break ups, looked after her pets... It's the dropping off the radar, not texting, all the extra posts about social activities etc yet being let down last minute then that pic... Probably I am being sensitive but it's hard not to take personally. I don't care if she's not interested in my pregnancy, I'm still me- just a bit more tired and not drinking!

OP posts:

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 02/05/2016 00:31

To be honest, OP, the way you describe her, doesn't make her really sound like a friend that you're terribly fond of.

I think she's entitled to her view, and I honestly don't think it's a dig at you or anyone else.

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