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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be really cross and a bit worried!

48 replies

ilovechocolate80 · 01/05/2016 14:35

My 11 year old son has just started walking home from school on his own (I still collect his 8 year old sister). I've now started leaving him home alone now and again while I pop to the shop. I never leave my 8 year old with him because I would feel bad.

Agreed to look after my friends 9 and 6 year old girls. Had to pop out to the shop so let my 11 year old stay at home to tell them I would be back in a few minute when their grandparents dropped them off. Came back to discover that grandparents had just let these girls with my 11 year old. Worse still, a lady I have sold a garden slide came to collect it and my son and these girls answered the door telling her "mummy isn't home". Thankfully she was still waiting when I got back, so she took the slide and off she said. Didn't say anything.

AIBU to feel really upset about this and a bit worried? What of this stranger phones Social Services on me for what she saw: An 11 year old, 9 and 6 year old home alone? She saw it was a quick shopping trip and I had a child with me. But I don't know what the law is and what she would think. I so cross and actually a bit worried! Not least when I've never left my 11 year old in charge of my daughter. I take her with me!

OP posts:

MiddleClassProblem · 01/05/2016 15:14

I think it's done now and that's that. Doubt she will call social services. When you're pregnant you can be more anxious, sensitive and over think things. Just let it go but try to not go when you know someone is coming over next time (maybe shop the day before)

WorraLiberty · 01/05/2016 15:16

I'm not sure what being pregnant has to do with taking an 11yr old, a 9yr old and a 6yr old shopping?

If anything they could help you carry it.

Original poster

ilovechocolate80 · 01/05/2016 15:16

I really had no idea the slide lady was coming. The grandparents usually come in for a chat anyway. I assumed they would just go in a wait a few minutes. It all happened over the space of a few minutes.

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HeteronormativeHaybales · 01/05/2016 15:18

What did you need so urgently from the shop that you needed to go out when you were expecting a friend's children? I think you made the wrong call there, sorry. I would not be happy with my 11yo being left with two younger, non-related children. That he was is partly the grandparents' fault, but partly yours.

That said, despite the impression often given on here, I don't think most people are just waiting for an excuse to call Soc Services, and if this woman were to do so I can't imagine anything coming of it.

Btw, I leave my nearly 11yo and my 8yo at home together for short periods and have done for a few months now, but the younger is explicitly not left 'with' the older; he's not his responsibility. It's more of a safety-in-numbers thing.

chillycurtains · 01/05/2016 15:19

I think the lesson learnt is that you should teach your DS not to answer the front door. I leave my DC ocassionally to get something from the shops, etc. My DD is 13.5 and I still instruct her to not answer the door to anyone nor to peer out the windows so they can see that she is indoors. She does not need to answer the door as it is my house and anyone knocking would want me or my DP so has no reason to open it. I always take my keys. I tell her to only answer her mobile and not the house phone and call her mobile if I need to speak to her.

Hippocraticloaf · 01/05/2016 15:19

Yep that's def annoying (and weird) when people just turn without checking you're in first. Take it easy ilove nothing bad happened

Hippocraticloaf · 01/05/2016 15:20

*turn up

HeteronormativeHaybales · 01/05/2016 15:22

Worra makes good points about the kids' behaviour - mine are told never to answer the door when we are not there, and only to answer the phone if they see on the display that it's one of us. And they should never be saying 'Mum's out'.

BertrandRussell · 01/05/2016 15:33

Why couldn't the 11 year old do the shopping?

InspRemorse · 01/05/2016 15:35

I hate the word cross, but I think you just need to chill out.

Find it odd that your 11 year old called you Mummy to a stranger.

Original poster

ilovechocolate80 · 01/05/2016 15:36

Yeah... I make sure that my boy locks the door and has his mobile on the rare occasion I leave him - but I obviously haven't educated him well enough about answering the door. Which I'm going to do now, so some good has come from this hopefully. I feel like a crappy parent. That and my rubbish time keeping is the biggest cause. I suppose in grandparents times it was normal to leave kids and I shouldn't of just assumed that they would hang on a few minutes. Thanks for your input ladies.

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Fatcakes · 01/05/2016 15:41

My 13 yo DS was in on his own recently. Heard a knock on the front door and ignored it, as I instructed him to do. The caller then came round the back of the house and smashed the windows in order to burgle the house, thinking it was empty. DS called me, I called police, burglar got away. Terrifying.
I thought I was doing the right thing in saying don't answer door, don't answer phone etc. Turns out I was wrong. Community Bobby visited us afterwards. She said don't ignore a knock. The would be burglar is checking to see if anyone is in. Put the chain on the door, answer it, or shout through the door, say parent/adult is in the bathroom, lock door, shout as if you're not alone.
Makes sense.
We also have an escape plan in case of fire etc.
I still feel OK to leave my DC (5, 10, 12 and 13) in alone now and again. But only for short periods of time. I am satisfied that they are sensible enough to cope and that their environment is safe. I believe that, so long as this is the case, it is within the law to leave them.

Hippocraticloaf · 01/05/2016 15:43

Woah fat did you just say you leave your 5 year alone in the house....

Whathaveilost · 01/05/2016 15:46

I think you are making a mountain out of a molehill.

What would I thought if I was the lady picking up the slide? I wouldn't have given it a second thought if everything seemed OK.

BoatyMcBoat · 01/05/2016 16:04

We used to leave dd for short times from when she was about 8. Her instructions were not to answer the phone or the door, to run out to neighbours if there was a fire, and any other problems to get to her granny (who actually lived in a flat at the top of the house, so technically she wasn't alone, but it's a very tall house - 4 floors up, so it feels like you're very much alone downstairs).

Of course, there were no incidents at all. I like to think that it's because dd was such a sensible child and because we gave her that little bit of responsibility early on, but it's probably because the likelihood of anything going wrong is pretty low in itself.

Fatcakes · 01/05/2016 16:08

Don't leave 5 yo in alone!!!!. Leave nearly 14yo in charge of them all (for shorts spells only).

MiddleClassProblem · 01/05/2016 16:11

Lol I baby sat from around 13. 13 in charge of 5 is fine

Hippocraticloaf · 01/05/2016 16:14

Just being a bit naughty and pulling your leg fat

Fatcakes · 01/05/2016 16:14

Never had a prob. Oldest DS is very patient, 12 yo DD is even more sensible than her big brother!

Hippocraticloaf · 01/05/2016 16:19

Yes I agree. It's a maturity thing as well as actual age. I wouldn't leave some 18 yo's in charge of dd but would happily let friend's 14 yo dd babysit.

redskytonight · 01/05/2016 16:34

I think if you are so worried about leaving your 11 year old, you should not be putting him in a position where he has to answer the door. That, to me is the greater risk than leaving a 9 year old and a 6 year old for (presumably) a few minutes!

Original poster

ilovechocolate80 · 01/05/2016 16:35

I babysit sat my 3/4 year old sister when I was 13/14 for days on end in the summer holidays. I took great care of her and actually loved doing it. It's made us really close as adults actually. That was a different time though.

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Original poster

ilovechocolate80 · 01/05/2016 16:40

I'm not worried about leaving my 11 year old Red Sky. But not my 9 year old too and not my friends children. Neither of us were expecting anyone else to call on the house in that short time except my friends parents. Like I said in an earlier post, I'm going to educate him better on answering the door, but like an another poster said, getting them not to answer the door comes with its own risks.

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