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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to get so offended

57 replies

Littlelondoner · 30/04/2016 19:52

I more and more find my self getting offended by things people say to me with regards to my apperance.

I am 28 with a very petite but curvy figure but my face looks really young. I have very soft features that masses of contouring can not help.

I always have people look at me and treat me like I am a lot younger than I am. A young teenager.

Only for them to start talking to me and realise that I am actually alot older than they thought.

Most of my friends are a bit older than me & my DP is 35. So I am always around people few years older socially.

I am sick of people looking at me like who is she. She is so young. And all of the comments that come with it.

Once I speak people respect me and realise I mean business. But sometime it is really hard walking into business meetings etc. And people treating you like the intern.

Only to get the oh so patronising comments like ahhh you will be so grateful by time you are in your 50s, what face cream do you use etc etc.

AIBU to want to scream at them I am a very confident self assured 28 year old with a mortgage, long term relationship, TTC. And a very sucessful career.

AIBU to get so offended by this. Everytime it happens I just feel my mood change.

OP posts:

AnnieOnnieMouse · 30/04/2016 21:16

My DD is like this. She found that clothes, posture and sheer attitude are the answer. She can go from scruffy teen to professional 27 year old in a few minutes. Makeup also helps. She is in a very technical role, but occasionally has to liaise with clients, so daren't be taken for the office junior, or spoken down to. Her DP is just the same.

AnnieOnnieMouse · 30/04/2016 21:17

but he doesn't tend to use so much make up

Original poster

Littlelondoner · 30/04/2016 21:23

annieonniemouse ah memories of being a teenager and some of my guy friends borrowing there mums makeup to give there bumfluff a bit of a tint to make it look more "moustash" like thankfully by 14/15 they grew out of it otherwise I would question our friendship

OP posts:

ladyme · 30/04/2016 21:23

I've always been small and young looking, and honestly it is one of those things that's annoying in your 20s and gets better as you age - yay! You'll be glad of it when no one can believe you're turning 40.

Roussette · 30/04/2016 21:25

Sorry but YABU. Give it time (maybe a year or two... you can metamorphis into someone older very quickly) and you will be regretting moaning about this. Revel in looking younger.

honeylulu · 30/04/2016 21:26

I agree with gamerchick. I had quite a mature face (high cheekbones and missed the cute slightly plump cheek stage if adolescence) so until I was mid 20s I looked older than I was. Oddly things changed-maybe the good old cheekbones propped up my face like scaffoldingbut I'm now nearly 42 and could pass for 10+ years younger.
I was asked for id when buying champagne in aldi for my 39th birthday party. Made my bloody day, no my whole year actually!
please no one tell me aldi ID everyone

Toffeecrispy · 30/04/2016 21:27

Society shames women when they are young and when they are old so i would just try ignore it.

Roussette · 30/04/2016 21:32

Society shames women when they are young and when they are old so i would just try ignore it

And it's far far worse when you are older I can tell you.

Iwantagoonthetrampoline · 30/04/2016 21:43

I'm mid thirties but look much younger. Getting IDd doesn't bother me (happened about 6 months ago) but lack of respect at work really winds me up. I'm professionally qualified and part of my job is to give specialist advice within my organisation. I have several years experience and I bloody know what I am talking about! But I find whenever a new person joins the organisation I face the same old battle to be listened to and taken seriously, especially with a certain breed of middle aged male manager type. It starts with the odd looks in meetings (like thinking "just shut up and take the minutes eh love"), trying to patronise/fob me off when I question something, ignoring my offers of input/support, going to others who are less experienced but look older (and/or are male!). When they realise I don't take any bullshit I manage to overcome this initial hurdle fairly quickly with most and form good working relationships, but it can be such hard work and so demorilising each time. A few years ago I started making more of a effort to dress older/smarter and was shocked how much difference it actually made to peoples attitudes. It's really not me though and I resent having to do it.

SoThatHappened · 30/04/2016 21:43

I am a very confident self assured 28 year old with a mortgage, long term relationship, TTC. And a very sucessful career.

You are so self confident that you need validation from others and for people to recognise the above things about you?

And you need validation here too.

No wonder people think you're alot younger, you sure act like it.

if you were as self confident as you say, you wouldnt need vlidation from anyone and you wouldnt care one jot what anyone thought of you or how they perceived you.

or it is a stealth brag. i cant tell.

DanglyEarOrnaments · 30/04/2016 21:56

I had the same problem, never allowed to buy things never allowed in anywhere. The Shame!!

But now, when I got ID'd at age 45 last year in the local co-op ... The Joy!!

BillSykesDog · 30/04/2016 22:09

It was never being ID'd that bothered me, I always carried ID so no problem. It was things like, if I couldn't find my travel pass straight away, at the age of 30, being given a lecture on how I should be more organised because she's very busy, blah, blah, by the conductor because she thought I was a student who wouldn't tell her to fuck off and not speak to me like that. Or being expected to be just at a meeting to take the minutes because clearly I must be an admin junior. It used to happen all the time and it was really wearing. I'm quite happy I've started to age and it's not a problem.

Original poster

Littlelondoner · 30/04/2016 22:09

SoThatHappened hey everyone is allowed an off day right? As I said it does not usually bother me but really got to me today. That is all.

And even the most confident people need a little validation now and again. Other wise we would have a world full of narcissists. It is how we grow as people. Not to the extent of being needy or wanting.

Surely even the most free spirited people need a little assurance now and again? Even as small as knowing someone is listening to you in a meeting by giving eye contact etc.

And as for bragging. I do not need to brag. I let people make descions on me based on bragging. Most vulgar.

OP posts:

Original poster

Littlelondoner · 30/04/2016 22:11

*i would not let people

OP posts:

Xmasbaby11 · 30/04/2016 22:17

Yabu. I used to look much younger than my years until I was 30 ish, and I always thought I was lucky. I am 40 now and very grateful for my good skin! I honestly don't think many women are being offended by being told they look young - even friends in their twenties are pleased to look younger than their years, ime.

Xmasbaby11 · 30/04/2016 22:19

I do think it's a good idea to dress smartly if it's an issue, especially at work.

Clandestino · 30/04/2016 22:23

I am very petite and work in a male dominated environment. My DH and men normally say that I look small and innocent till I open my mouth.
Use it to your advantage. In military terms you have a strategic advantage. Make the best of it. Most things work best when combined with an element of surprise.

FlowersAndShit · 30/04/2016 22:24

It's a pain in the arse. I'm 25 but look 14ish, I have a chubby adorable baby face and I don't seem to age AT ALL.

zoemaguire · 30/04/2016 22:35

I got id'd regularly until having my third child! It used to really piss me off. I am now 39 and I'd quite like to be id'd again...Another pregnancy and 2 years of sleep deprivation have finally made me catch up with my age! I have effectively aged 20 years in 2

WriteforFun1 · 30/04/2016 22:40

This was me till I was 40.

I nearly lost my rag in Robert Dyas when I needed a stanley knife to get a bit of decorating finished that day and they refused to sell me that - late 30s then I think.

Anyway, re work, I get the frustration and it is very common when you look much younger. Sounds like this guy made that ASSumption right at the start but something I found helpful, if there was time, was to reference a work experience from several years ago...that way clients etc would suddenly think "oh, she's got experience, she's not the age I thought".

It is very common though and I'm not sure how much point there is getting worked up about it. I think Owen Jones said something about arriving for a TV interview and whoever greeted him thought he was a studio runner or something.

crazycatdad · 30/04/2016 22:40

Not sure when I was last ID'd but pretty sure I have been in my 30s. My solution was to grow a beard.

HTH.

Originalfoogirl · 30/04/2016 22:51

This happens to me, although less so now I'm really getting old. It's mostly at work, and mainly because I work in a very male dominated industry. Everyone assumes I'm at meetings to make the tea and take notes. I absolutely love the look on their faces when I speak up and make a technical point which no-one has considered and let's them know I know what I'm on about. I was at a training course and the course leader was very patronising and spoke to me as if I knew nothing. About twenty minutes in, he was asking people what their position at work was and I said "associate director". His face was a picture.

I love it, but then, I couldn't really care less what people think of me. It is what it is, it happens, as long as I know what I'm doing, that's all that counts.

BillBrysonsBeard · 30/04/2016 23:04

YANBU OP, I would hate to be not taken seriously like that. People saying you're lucky haven't been through it.. I loved the respect that came when I looked like an adult. I have the opposite problem, people telling me I looked 25 at 15 I have big cheekbones and a mature face so hopefully like honeylulu it will pay off when I'm older (not counting on it..)

mimishimmi · 01/05/2016 07:46

I had the same.Someone asked me if I wanted to give my daughter up for adoption because she thought I was a teen mum - I was 25 Now I'm almost 40 and people raise their eyebrows when they find out I have a 15 year old. Oh well, not much you can do about it.

imissjukeboxes · 01/05/2016 08:50

YABU not to carry ID then complain about being asked for it.

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