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Original poster

DH kept taking money out of mortgage for more than seven years

74 replies

Bloom12 · 29/04/2016 20:42

My DH has been taking out money from mortgage. He got this tracker flexible mortgage which allows to withdraw funds. He never told me about it. He is an established GP working seven sessions as GP partner and than appraisers and out of hour as well. We sent our two kids to a relatively cheap private school until year 3, year 1. All that time he shouted at me for this then he took them off from private and they started going to public school and still they are going there.
To give you full picture, I can explain to you that our house is broken he doesn't want to improve it, we both have really old cars. When we bought them cheap as well. We eat and wear average. Usually, we shop from Tesco and ethnic shops BUT in 2014 he started buying Aldi's value products which he stopped in last summer on our son's request.
Now when I found out that he has been taking money out of the mortgage he is claiming that I have been spending a lot and I put him in debt. NB: he gave me credit card for period Oct 2011 until l about March 2014 and then around December this year until now. I am living with him since Feb 2005 and rest of time whenever I asked him for money for house keeping he fought with me and gave me ten or twenty pounds only.
Please folks want to know what to do and expect.

OP posts:
pratiaalba · 29/04/2016 21:34

How long have the children been out of fee-paying school? That's a lot of money to be saving- where is it going?
How big is your mortgage?

Landoni112 · 29/04/2016 21:35

Gambling

StickTheDMWhereTheSunDontShine · 29/04/2016 21:37

So, if I understand this correctly:

He's taken money out of the mortgage, which means that the house is not getting paid for as fast as it could.
He's cut back on school fees.
He's pared supermarket shopping down to the cheapest possible.
He hands out amounts for housekeeping which would barely cover the busfare into town.
The house is in disrepair and cars are old.

Yet some posters are suggesting he's being "careful" with money?Hmm

On a GP salary, being careful with money would involve taking care of your investments and making sure that your house keeps its value and doesn't fall into a risk of being re-possessed.

We don't know the full story behind the credit cards - whether OP was spending thousands every month, or simply daring to spend £100 a week on groceries, clothes etc. A man who is financially abusive will complain about the latter as bitterly as the former.

Do you have any access to any money of your own that you don't have to beg for, Bloom?
Do you have access to any bank statements at all or is absolutely everything kept hidden?

Pseudo341 · 29/04/2016 21:37

I think you need to see a solicitor urgently.

SpaceDinosaur · 29/04/2016 21:38

Gambling
Pay cut
Second family
Enormous debt (how?)

OP you and your husband obviously need a VERY serious talk about your finances.

AyeAmarok · 29/04/2016 21:38

It sounds like gambling to me too I'm afraid.

YorkieDorkie · 29/04/2016 21:40

Whether it's gambling or something else... There is definitely something going on beneath the surface here OP. As much as I'd like to believe it, money doesn't just disappear.

expatinscotland · 29/04/2016 21:48

'Are you working and paying half of all the bills? If you aren't and he is earning all the money and paying all the bills, and also balancing the books, whilst you are "kept", I'm not sure you can complain??'

They are a married couple with children, not flatmates. Hmm

She's not a prostitute.

Gambling, drugs, second family spring to mind.

Oldraver · 29/04/2016 21:51

To me the OP writes like English isnt her native language.

I think the same as a previous poster that there is the possibility he is sending money to family ?

notapizzaeater · 29/04/2016 21:51

Have you actually asked what he is spending the money on ? Do you have access to the accounts to see ?

millymollymandy82 · 29/04/2016 21:52

He sounds nasty

LightDrizzle · 29/04/2016 22:32
  • gambling
  • drug habit
  • secretly financially supporting his family

He is a knobhead of epic proportions irrespective.

Fingeronthebutton · 29/04/2016 22:42

I too had the feeling at English wasn't the posters first language.
If a man is using money in this way there are only two reasons: gambling or women.

Fidelia · 29/04/2016 22:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

justmyview · 29/04/2016 22:50

Now when I found out that he has been taking money out of the mortgage he is claiming that I have been spending a lot and I put him in debt

If this is true, then OP's DH may have been taking necessary steps to mitigate their debts

We don't know enough to comment on whether OP's DH is being responsible or abusive. I'm surprised at the assumptions some people are making on this thread

Fidelia · 29/04/2016 22:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BabyGanoush · 29/04/2016 23:03

When you mean public school, do you mean state school or boarding school?

I read it that they went from a small private school to a big public school (like Eton)

SilverBirchWithout · 29/04/2016 23:03

Anyone else wonder why OP has not returned to thread?

Sunnyshores · 29/04/2016 23:08

There are many possibilities, but non of them are paricularly pleasant Im afraid.

You need to sit down and discuss the families income and expenditure, planning for any future costs etc. It does seem as if money has become scarcer and as a GP (assuming he hasnt reduced his hours) it shouldnt have.

Sticking your head in the sand wont work, you need to be brave and ask questions.

BoffinMum · 29/04/2016 23:12

Sounds dodgy to me.
I would get a job and a separate bank account to be on the safe side.

amarmai · 30/04/2016 00:09

can you check your credit rating with one of those organisations that do that? Wd the bank manager talk to you if you are on any of the cards or accounts? cd you call the mortgage holder and ask how long it will take to pay off the mortgage at the rate it is currently being paid? can you check on his computer and try to access financial info without giving yourself away? Is there any person who might know more than you that wd be willing to give you a clue? Think about how you can get info without alerting him.

TheRealBarenziah · 30/04/2016 02:30

Oh, sweetheart. There's lots of possibilities here.

What are his drawings like? Some partnerships are in real trouble. Some GPs are taking home very little at the moment. One possibility is that his partnership is in trouble and he's had to put money in to keep the practice afloat (this happened to a partnership I know a couple of years ago).

Are you concerned that he's been spending the money on something, or somebody, else? Do you know where the money has been going? Is there a possibility he's been gambling, or paying for escorts, or keeping a mistress, or something else dodgy?

You need to sit down with him and get a full, honest explanation from him about where that money has gone. But be aware that, if his practice is struggling, he may feel very anxious and ashamed, and that may be why he kept the truth from you. That doesn't make it OK, of course.

CuntingDMjournos · 30/04/2016 07:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kittybiscuits · 30/04/2016 07:25

SilverBirch - I'm not wondering why OP hasn't returned to this thread. It's because of the offensive nonsense you and several other people have posted on it. HTH.

BarbaraofSeville · 30/04/2016 07:32

I suppose the reality is that GPs don't necessarily earn a lot. Certainly not enough for private school, a SAHM and a big mortgage in the south-east.

But there could be 101 different reasons for what has happened and the OP needs to find out what they are and go from there.

Maybe she is overspending on crap. Maybe he is an abusive unfaithful gambling arse. Maybe he is trying to send money to family overseas who think he is a millionaire by their standards.

Good luck OP I hope you work it out Flowers.