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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About dinner with a gaggle of friends

35 replies

BusyCee · 28/04/2016 19:35

This is petty, but I feel the urge to share and can't with friends without looking like a cow.

A group of about 7 of us are meeting up at a friends house this weekend. We all have young children, inc babies, so frankly don't get out much. Friend-who's-hosting is dreadful with food. She's not interested, doesn't enjoy it and can't cook. I am a glutton LOVE food. But being with the young DCs spend all my time making it in a frantic environment for people who are mainly ungrateful. And I rarely get time to sit and actually enjoy a meal.

I've offered to cook when we get together and bring along to friend-who's-hosting. Another is bringing sweet stuff. Someone else is bringing a craft thing to do (sounds dull but it's for a particular event) so everyone is contributing. I've offered to make something that's quick and simple, that I know everyone can eat, and that we can relax and enjoy. Not a big fuss. No big ta-da, look at me aren't I clever.

Friend-who's-hosting keeps saying for me not to bother bringing food. She says she'll cater as she knows I've got enough on my plate. So I know the food will be lacklustre and mismatched. I'm all pissed off now that one of my few nights out it'll be a couple of pieces of burnt oven pizza to eat. Pffff.

Appreciate you'll all say maybe she doesn't like my cooking. That's not the point really. More that food is an event for me. I don't get out much. And now a rare night out will be shite for food and it feels like a missed opportunity.

OP posts:
Original poster
BusyCee · 28/04/2016 19:36

I know I'll have a lovely time, btw, and will be arseholed by the time the first hours out, so it's probably all academic

OP posts:
GoofyIsACow · 28/04/2016 19:41

Offer to host at yours next time

RNBrie · 28/04/2016 19:42

Just turn up with food... Say you had a couple of hours to kill and fancied getting stuck in in the kitchen. Make a joke about taking home leftovers. Bring lots of wine so she's too drunk to care.

StealthPolarBear · 28/04/2016 19:44

Rn don't you remember the thread about the mil who did that on her sons birthday?
I think that would be very rude!
I suspect friend who is hosting (does she have an oh by the way?) Wants to actually host

StealthPolarBear · 28/04/2016 19:44

Is her oh interested in food

Spandexpants007 · 28/04/2016 19:45

Say that you have been looking forward to cooking all week and you've half made it already

Sparkletastic · 28/04/2016 19:45

Agree with bringing some nice home cooked items - canapés perhaps? Then you can dismiss them as mere nibbles but fill up on then if the dinner is frozen dullness.

acasualobserver · 28/04/2016 19:46

Some slightly control freak tendencies there, OP. Just eat the mismatched food and learn to chill a bit.

RNBrie · 28/04/2016 19:48

Oh God, you're right, it would be terribly rude. I just feel the pain of a rare night out and forced to eat shit food.

Can you suggest all chipping in for a takeaway? Or have an AMAZING lunch at home first so you're not even all that hungry??

Original poster
BusyCee · 28/04/2016 19:49

Casual. I know. It's just that I spend my bloody life doing stuff for other people. And food used to be a bit of hobby before the smells sucked all the time out of my life.

OP posts:
yorkshapudding · 28/04/2016 19:50

Why don't you suggest ordering a takeaway so that no one has to cook? That way you all get to order something you'll enjoy withou anyone treading on the host's toes.

LifeIsChaos · 28/04/2016 19:50

I think it would be rude to turn up with food. What if she had something planned? She says she is catering, maybe she's buying a deli selection in or whatever. Even if she's just putting some sandwiches together then so what?

I would be offended if someone did that to me. Just offer to host next time if her efforts are not good enough for you.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeG0es · 28/04/2016 19:51

Her house, her rules!

Original poster
BusyCee · 28/04/2016 19:53

Stealth; she does have an oh. Neither interested in food and good for them. They are good fun close friends. I love them dearly. I just want some good food to enjoy for a change

I know her house her rules! I did offer to host but their house is MUCH BIGGER than mine so it tends to be the default. They're all lovely friends and I won't give a shit about this once I've had a good few drinks.

OP posts:
flowerygirl · 28/04/2016 19:53

If the food is bad I'd get a really nice takeaway on the way home

Hassled · 28/04/2016 19:53

I can see your point but when it comes to it you won't mind at all. A night out is still a night out regardless of the food. I have a group of friends where we take it in turns to host a meal a few times a year - one of the friends is a terrible cook. I know it's going to be shit when its her turn, and it always is. Last time it was spectacularly awful. But that doesn't affect the fact we still have a laugh, it's still good to see her.

Original poster
BusyCee · 28/04/2016 19:54

Might see if i can negotiate nice takeaway or summat with DH over the weekend. As compensation!!

OP posts:
SouthWestmom · 28/04/2016 20:02

Why can't you eat nice food at home? Tbh it smacks more of wanting to host, so just offer to do that next time - id be beyond pissed off if I spent money on food and you waltzed in with 'nibbles' or 'leftovers' Grin
Although it is a tiny bit funny

Original poster
BusyCee · 28/04/2016 20:09

I'm not a knob!! I'm not going to be an arse. Big smiles; ooooh! Yummy pizza! More wine?! Laughs loads because these friends are fu-huh-nny

Don't eat naice food at home because I've got 3 under 5 and I'm bloody knackered, uninspired and generally clinging to keeping us afloat. No time for fancy food here

OP posts:
thenappyslayer · 28/04/2016 20:19

OP YANBU - even though it's not a big deal. I hear you though - you could have eaten oven pizza at home and you aren't at home which is a big treat for many of us. Eat something you like before hand and nibble on a little slice of pizza to be polite. I wouldn't bring food after she told you not to.....she easily could have said "sure, bring what you like - but please don't feel like you have to, I know how much you have on" but she sort of sounds like she may feel slighted if you bring anything TBH. Don't risk it. I know you like food etc but it's still only food. Enjoy all the other fab aspects of the night. Wine

SouthWestmom · 28/04/2016 20:19

Oh that's a shame. I have four so I get that. Solution was to chuck dinner at them at 5pm, have a cup of tea at the table with them and eat nicely at 8.30pm. Now they are getting older I can eat proper food with them a lot of the time.

Janecc · 28/04/2016 20:25

Make sure you've had a meal before you go. Stuff something tasty in your bag and enjoy the company. Bringing food and taking over does sound rather controlling. Have the next get together at yours even though it's a smaller house - invest in a couple of beanbags or fold away chairs if you don't have enough seating and suggest a take away when she offers to be the host again. You're really lucky to have a great group of friends and even luckier to have the health to enjoy them. Chill out!

RaeSkywalker · 28/04/2016 20:30

Please don't take food. It would be rude now you've been asked not to. Enjoy the time to relax and catch up with your friends!

gandalf456 · 28/04/2016 20:33

If I were the host, I would not want to put you out by letting you bring food. I would feel embarrassed. But I know I am a crap cook (and, yes, probably burnt pizza is about my limit) and I would be secretly relieved if you insisted and came with some nice stuff. I hate, hate cooking and dread hosting for that very reason but, if someone else hosts, you have to return, don't you?

If she is like me then why not say that you absolutely love cooking, it is a hobby and it's no bother at all. You don't have to add the bit about her being a crap cook either. I'm sure she knows that anyway.

Grapejuiceforgrownups · 29/04/2016 14:33

YABU. Bringing food when she's said not to would be incredibly rude. If you want to cook you will have to host.