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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Or is my mum

26 replies

LydiaSays123 · 28/04/2016 18:09

My husband works in a fantastic job. He'sHe's been offered by his company the option to move to America for a month or so each year. It would be all done not in term time even though none of my children are at school yet. It would mean our entire family having to move to America for those couple of months each year. It would basically be every single holiday that isn't in term time. Having informed my family that I'm due to leave the UK for only a couple of months a year my mother is now trying her best to get us to stay. She says that the kids will be teased, that we won't be able to fit it in and that it will be so hard for the children it to adjust to the move. She said I'm taking her grandchildren away from her. After I laughed her suspicions off she then began to cry and say that the kids will be teased for their names. This is now her main argument and she continually talks about how they won't like the kids names. I'm pregnant by the way. Haven't told her yet. Is it wrong of me to let the kids spend all their holidays in America?

OP posts:

Peppaismyhomegirl · 28/04/2016 18:12

Ummm no! Go! Tell them to get saving and come for amazing holidays on the states with you! Amazing opportunity!

Lovepancakes · 28/04/2016 18:13

No it is not wrong- the more positive experience and travel the more they benefit and it will expand their world! I hate to say it about your mother but she's being selfish in thinking about herself here , and what complete nonsense about names- like coming across American names in the UK it just adds to the nice variety of life surely and never a problem?!

Farandole · 28/04/2016 18:14

Your mum doesn't get a say. It's your family and your decision.

I travel a lot with kids, never heard them called names, what a bonkers idea.

JarethTheGoblinKing · 28/04/2016 18:14

Oh go, why not!

Just make sure you've got really really comprehensive travel insurance, as you're pregnant

WorraLiberty · 28/04/2016 18:15

It's only a couple of months per year.

Is your Mum always a drama llama?

I'm curious to know what names your kids could possibly have, that would cause them to get teased in America but not in the UK?

The only thing that would bother me, is that it all sounds rather exhausting travel-wise. Particularly when the kids start school.

But that might not be a problem for you at all.

Pinkheart5915 · 28/04/2016 18:17

I say go for it!!!
Your mum will still see her grandchildren at weekends and things when you are home and with Skype etc can stay in very good contact when your away.

I was born in the uk to an English mum and American dad And we lived in England, every school holiday we was taken to San Francisco to the apartment dad still owed there. It was fab, we loved going and not many children get to do that each holiday.
None of us were picked on for our names btw.

TooLazyToWriteMyOwnFuckinPiece · 28/04/2016 18:18

Is she worried it will be an eventual full time move?
Is it a nice part of America, lots to see and do?
Are you willing to never work OP?

Birdsgottafly · 28/04/2016 18:19

My children are Adults and I have one GD.

I can understand your Mum being really upset by this, I really miss my GD, I'd I don't see her for nearly a week, but you've got to not be that selfish.

My DD (with my GD) will have the opportunity to go and live in another country, where her DPs family live, in a few years, I'm encouraging her to try it, as much as Its going to devastate me.

It's going to get worse, once you announce your pregnancy and its stress you don't need.

Acknowledge her hurt, but tell her straight that the decision is made and you don't want to keep hearing about it.

almostthirty · 28/04/2016 18:21

Wow what a fantastic opportunity!

DinosaursRoar · 28/04/2016 18:23

Sorry what, "adjust to the move" ? For 8 weeks? Does she fear 'adjusting to the move' when you go away for a fortnight to Spain to? Suggest that local children will tease them for their names? Does she fear you are taking her grandchildren away from her when you go away?

! It's not 'moving', it's "going on a long holiday when their Dad is working abroad". It's 8 weeks or less, that's long holiday. Great that you can do it. Fabulous if he'll get some time off (or tag time off to the start/end of working period) so you can travel around a bit. It's a holiday.

For that length of time, if it doesn't work for you/the DCs, you can just stay in the UK when DH is away/only go for part of it. Bit shitty to be apart for that long, but not outside 'the norm' for many families.

Is your mother prone to drama llama tendancies?

I'd give her something proper to worry about and suggest that you discussed it and agreed the US move might not be the best,it's a lot of travelling back and forth, and there's a role that's full time in the Dubai/Moscow/Sydney office and you feel it would be great to go for all of you, huge ex-pat community so we'd not have to worry about 'fitting in', and DH would be back in the UK office a couple of months a year so able to see the DCs then, after all, a couple of months is a huge amount of time...

Charlesroi · 28/04/2016 18:33

"Don't be ridiculous Mother"

It's a few hours on a plane FFS. She could even visit without having to re-mortgage the house. It sounds great for the family, so go for it and ignore the whining.

Original poster

LydiaSays123 · 28/04/2016 18:39

She is a drama llama ;) Their names are Maisie Jemima and Oliver Mackenzie.

OP posts:

molyholy · 28/04/2016 18:41

Wow. How amazing for you children. What an opportunity. Is your mum usually prone to emotional blackmail when she can't control? Sorry. That was harsh, but if it was me, my dm would be excited for us.

molyholy · 28/04/2016 18:43

So Maisie and oliver? Hardly bizarre names

peaz1 · 28/04/2016 19:07

What gets me about the issue isn't that your DM is a drama llama- if she sees your DCs often then of course she will miss them (although her way of conveying this is a bit )- it's that she feels her loss is greater than your DH's loss....the father of her GK's.... if you were to stay. She wants you to stay and separate your family for a period of time each year?! How selfish!

missbishi · 28/04/2016 19:09

She said I'm taking her grandchildren away from her.

This says it all, Lydia. She's just trying to put you off going. Lovely names btw.

oldjacksscrote · 28/04/2016 19:14

Wow what an amazing opportunity for you and your family.

I think the name jemima has negative racial connotations in the US but don't let that stop you.

dustarr73 · 28/04/2016 19:19

Go because if you don't you will end up resenting her.Plus it will be a great opportunity for you all.

RegTheMonkey1 · 28/04/2016 19:21

What a fabulous opportunity. If it doesn't work out or your children hate it, then you can come back. But if you never try it you will never know and always think 'what if'. Also, how lonely will you all be, being apart? I think your mother is being very selfish and manipulative. She can always come over for a couple of weeks. Don't give up this or be guilt-tripped.

PovertyPain · 28/04/2016 19:26

She's being very silly and as a previous poster said, she seems to have forgotten that their father will miss them.

I suspect she's terrified that you might like it so much you will all end up living there permanently. Have another chat with her, be firm that you wing be changing your mind as you want to keel your wee family together, but also erasure her that you WILL be coming home.

PovertyPain · 28/04/2016 19:28

I think the name jemima has negative racial connotations in the US but don't let that stop you

I forgot about that. You might be best getting used to calling her Masie, OP.

GinIsIn · 28/04/2016 19:30

Is she confusing America with Armenia or something?! They're hardly the most 'out there' names!

Farandole · 28/04/2016 19:51

Also Mackenzie is mainly a girl's name, but again what does it matter? Do you middle name your children all the time?

SixtiesChildOfWildBlueSkies · 28/04/2016 20:08

What an opportunity for all of you OP - do it!
As a child of almost 12 I had the chance to visit the USA on my own to stay with friends of the family for quite a long time. I did it and I loved it.

It changed my entire outlook on life, gave me opportunities that I never would have had if I'd stayed home, and has influenced my life in many positive ways since. It was an awesome time.

You're not taking her DG's away from her, you are widening their knowledge of the world.Your DM is frightened as this is probably outside her comfort zone, but stand firm, she'll be fine.
As for being called names, I found that the Americans I met simply LOVED English people and their accents and I was warmly welcomed by whoever I met - other children and adults alike!

Janecc · 28/04/2016 20:32

Ooh is this the first time your mother is trying to control her grown up child or is it part of a cycle? Sounds amazing. If it were my mother - she's very controlling - I'd feel like buying her some Valium and telling her to eat my dust.

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