To not want my daughter to go to a sleepover

[Singsongsungagain]

My daughter is 9. She has some lovely friends who occasionally sleep over at each other's houses. We know the parents, we've been in the houses etc. All has been fine.
Dd has been invited to a sleepover at another friends house. This friend doesn't attend the same school or live near us- we know the parents but only loosely. We do know from talking to the child that some of their approaches to raising children differ massively from ours.
As a result we are in a real quandary. We suspect that if we say yes there is a chance our dd will spend the evening roaming the streets of the town where the girl lives and that the parents are not likely to be fully engaged in taking care of the kids. There are 4 children who have been invited.
I know that my dd would love to go. I also know that if she does I'll probably not sleep for worrying about her.

AIBU and would you let your dd go despite your worries?

Let her go.

I wouldn't let my daughter sleepover with someone I only loosely know.

I don't do sleepovers I think they are a massive pain in the arse. If you don't want her to go then say no

It's very stressful isn't it? I had this issue but kind of reversed when DD aged 8 wanted the neighbour's child to sleep here....we've only lived here for 6 months!

The Mother had met us once but agreed! It was a bit odd really.

However, in this instance YANBU. You could let DD go for part of the evening but make up an excuse why she can't stay the night....tell them she has to go to her Grans or other relative's very early the next day.

Then you will be able to get a look at their house etc and have a chat before she comes home and she won't be totally missing out.

That's a really good idea. Actually she does have a class that she attends on Saturday mornings so I could probably blag that!!!

Can you say in what way their parenting styles differ to your's OP? I'm assuming they let their DD out at night?

YANBU I would not let her go.

We never let our girls go on sleepovers unless we know the parents really well and are completely comfortable with them going.

If I thought the parents would let a 9 year old roam the streets and not take proper care there of them there is no way I would let her go.

Roaming the streets?!

We suspect that if we say yes there is a chance our dd will spend the evening roaming the streets of the town where the girl lives

You don't know the parents, AND you say they're likely to do this.
I have a 9 year old. NO CHANCE would he be going to that sleepover!!

I know from the girl what she is allowed to do and what they allow their daughter to do and what we allow ours to do are very different. They live in a town, not the nicest of areas and definitely not an area I would be happy for my child to be out in without an adult. I know from the girl that she is allowed out on her own at night.

My children don't go on sleepovers except with their cousins. Sleepovers weren't A Thing when I was growing up and somehow I made it to independence and leaving home and living all over the world by the age of 21. I don't get why MNetters feel so intensely that they're necessary, not on this thread particularly but in general.

I wouldn't feel comfortable with it either, though the suggestion of letting her go until a certain time could work. That way you'd know she wasn't wandering the streets and you could check out the parents.

It's hard to believe people let their kids roam around late at night, but they do. There are a few streets in my town where I've seen 6 and 7 year olds in the street after 10pm, flicking the V's at cars and swearing. Some parents just don't care.

I wouldn't be keen myself OP. Not if their DD goes out unaccompanied at night on her own. As someone else has said at age 9, you really need to know the parents better. If you don't and don't feel 100% comfortable about it. Employ the old 'class next day' ploy . Maybe promise her an extra little treat as well on Saturday??