Best man speech...

[Falling270]

I'm getting married next year. I have just received a text from the best man saying "Please don't tell fiancé but we have an idea instead of a speech we want to film and produce sketches about your fiancé with you and his family in them and play them at the wedding what do you think?"

First off as I have background film making they want me to help produce them and I don't have time for that and don't want to get involved but I can put them in touch with someone else if I thought it was worth it. Secondly I really really hate being on camera so don't want to act out comedy sketches and have them played to all the guests I would find that excruciating. He's begging me to do it saying DF would love it. Also he's told me the ideas for the sketches and they sound rubbish to be honest, he said one about DF using the wrong pan to cook something... Things along those lines. The wedding is going to be formal and traditional and I think this has the possibility of looking tacky. It also means logistically getting a big screen in the room for the wedding breakfast. It's an ancient beautiful room and not suited to that.

The other complication is that DF has split up best man duties between a few friends and this one contacting me isn't even the one supposed to be doing the speech. I flagged this to him but he ignored it.

My concern was "What if DF would love it and I stop it/ am I being a spoilsport etc?" I decided to ask MIL to be what she thought and she doesn't think it's a good idea. So now I have this gaggle of "best men" (about four of them) saying what a great idea this is and how DF will love it and we have ages to sort it etc etc and I don't know whether to let them get on with it as best man speeches are supposed to be embarrassing, or upset them all and quash their enthusiasm and tell them to do a normal speech.

WWYD?

It sounds proper lame. Tell him no. End of.... Don't panic??? What an absolute fucknugget. People with that amount of self importance do my head in

This sounds awful! I would respond with:

"While I'm sure DF would appreciate the effort, he has asked X to do the speech and I know is hoping for a more traditional toast."

I'd consider also including:
"I don't feel at all comfortable in featuring in a video to be screened on my wedding day. I would also like to avoid any additional stress from being involved in producing and planning the logistics of the filming and screening when I have so much else on my plate."

I think I've just made the situation worse for myself. Just face timed DF as I'm working away for next week so can't speak face to face. He had been out with the wannabe Danny Boyle last night and talking about stag do plans and I said: "Does he know he isn't doing your speech?" DF said "I think so/ I don't know" so that was weird because DF told me he'd asked someone else to do it. However I don't want to get involved but obviously now have been dragged into it.

DF kept asking me if I had any news and I then STUPIDLY said that xx had been in touch about a surprise for him but I couldn't say what. DF said "is this to do with the speech? Has he said something that makes you think he's doing the speech?" And I (tying myself in knots) said no. Agh! Completely shouldn't have said anything!

Just tell him that this guy is being a dick, wants to make it all about him, and is trying to run roughshod over your plans. It's your DF's problem to sort out and put a stop to it, and you don't owe any sort of loyalty for keeping secrets when it is something you disagree with.

Just tell him! Your fiance needs to sort this out and tell them all this film shit isn't going to happen. It's a wedding, not a stupid Hollywood rom com. Tell him you, his mum and grandmother do not want this at the wedding, so it will not be happening and he needs to inform them.

Have you answered Danny Boyle? 'No, that doesn't work for us, so there will be no film in place of a speech. I don't appreciate your patronising me with language like 'don't panic' or 'calm down'. You were asked to write a speech, not turn our wedding into a pathetic joke with a silly film.'

I get married in a weeks time - best man is using photos of DF in his speech. Hotel told him they needed my written permission to set up a projector in the room, so that's your out even if the cheeky fecker tries to do it against your permission.

But I'd make it very clear its not happening at your wedding, put your foot down now.

Tell your fiancé or else you can't complain if they go ahead with this horrible sounding video.

I've seen a best man speech done as a video before. It was bloody lovely and made everyone cry.

vimeo.com/110182612

Sorry, Bump, but I found that cringeworthy - sappy, OTT and corny. Good grief, some people are real drama llamas. Everything has to be a Big Production for some people. Had I been there, though, I'd have cried, too, with laughter as I ran outside to guffaw and have a ciggie.

I get what you are saying, I think it means a bit more when you know the people involved though.

If I didn't know them I think I would have laughed too.

I got married last year and just had bog standard speeches, my dads was ruined by his nerves, which was a shame. I would have been highly touched if someone cared about me and DH enough to put in the time and effort for something like this.

'I get what you are saying, I think it means a bit more when you know the people involved though.'

Nah, I'd still have found it stupid and OTT. I'm from America, they're into this dramatic sort of crap. I've seen it at plenty of weddings and it's always cringeworthy, twee and melodramatic. I'd have been embarrassed as hell if someone did something like this for me at my wedding. It's so onstage.

Tell him if they want a hilarious video, do it on the stag night. The wedding day is not an occasion for the groom's mates to air all their favourite creative ideas. TBH I would tell the groom. I think keeping it a surprise form him is less important than the fact his mates are hassling you and patronising you and trying to hijack a conventional part of your wedding day into a skit full of in-jokes.

Cringeworthy, twee and melodramatic is right.

Are so many people so desperate for attention, for an audience, for one more opportunity to over-share that they actually think they are doing guests a favor by inflicting this childish nonsense on them?

What's wrong with a brief, heartfelt toast wishing good friends all happiness? Why the compulsion to descend into attention-whoring comedy routines that quite frankly bore 90 percent of people silly. Do people really not realize that most of the audience is thinking about what fools the jokesters look?

I would tell the groom too. The groomsmen don't get to unilaterally decide to spring a surprise on him and get everyone else to go along with that. It's not THEIR wedding. They are guests with a brief function to perform during the ceremony, not ringmasters at a circus. OP, you really should tell your fiance everything ASAP. Take charge.

Amen, Lea. I've seen some dingers. It all seem to be about getting hits on YouTube.

Let's face it: since the dawn of humanity, wedding feasts are about food and drink. Guests go to celebrate by eating a big meal, getting drunk and dancing around. No one wants to be captive audience subjected to crap like this. They put up with it politely because that's what you do, but believe me, it's not touching. It's fucking ridiculous.

BumpAndGrind

I wouldnt have minded that video actually- a bit cheesy though.

Do you know the groom? Cos a friendly word about that beard wouldnt go astray cos he is a really good looking guy otherwise!