To be upset by teachers comment towards Dd

[Joliefleur1216]

Children can stay for school dinners whilst they are part time at dd new school or they can come home at 12. We decided Dd shouldn't stay for lunch as she's a fussy eater & sandwiches aren't an option until she's fulltime. However, she cried on her first day - so, teacher asked us if we would pay for school meals so she could stay. We were reluctant as she has never had a big appetite which I put down to her being premature. Dd has continually not eaten the school meals - everyday lunch time supervisor passes comment on the fact she has eaten very little or nothing at all. The teacher also continually talks to me (infront of numerous other parents) about this whilst in the line waiting to go in to school. Today her comment was 'Petitfleur says the dinner was too hot yesterday and wanted someone to blow it.' She turned to Dd and said 'you want special treatment don't you Petitfleur'. Of course Dd didn't understand & said teacher did this to get a laugh from other parents, which they did of course. I found this highly inappropriate & have told them on numerous occasions that Dd has a problem with food. I'm a nursery nurse and wouldn't have gotten away with this type of conduct if my manager heard - both in a confidentiality aspect and making fun of a child who has no concept of what was being said! Her old nursery was fantastic in understanding which enabled a relaxed feeling about food & she eventually was comfortable enough to try new things. I really felt that we were getting somewhere with her and I'm so upset it's being made an issue as this will eventually make her not want to go to school. no mention of how she's doing in the classroom I might add - just constant negative comments about meals instead!!!! It's her second week Fgs and she's just turned FOUR!

Sorry for the long post - didn't want to drip feed and I'm venting!

I sympathise - you were just trying to let your DD experience the social aspect of eating with all the other kids and you weren't bothered if she ate much of it or not - if she ate some it should have been a bonus. But instead this teacher is putting pressure on her and the whole thing is making it worse for her feelings about food.
Normally I would say you should complain, but if your DD is only just about to start there properly next term, you don't want to have the teacher feeling badly towards you from day 1 so maybe it isn't worth it - just ask your DD if she would rather come home and eat at home and not stay for the lunch anymore, then send packed lunches in September.

I agree that the situation can be easily solved - but I also think that teacher definitely needs to be pulled up on her conduct. It's really not on to make fun of a child and discussing issues in front of other parents is unacceptable too. They shouldn't be made aware of any issue with any child unless the parent themselves chooses to share.

Op - I would approach the Head/Head of year, depending on how the school is structured, and explain your concerns about what happened - especially considering that the school may need to be lenient with her over food in September.

I would just stop the lunches.
I'm curious about the starting school early set up, I didn't know what school we would get until last week, I would have loved to use the school nursery if I knew for sure it would be my child's school.

YANBU, the teacher should not have done that to shame you or your DD in front of the other parents/children. How rude! Take it up with the HT.

I agree though that you should maybe just give up with the school lunch side of things, and bring her home at 12 as you originally intended. I doubt she enjoys that last hour of her time, if much of it is spent harassing her to eat! And as you said, an unsympathetic approach to her eating habits now may send her further backwards with her eating, so take her out of this potentially "damaging" situation now.

Sorry this has happened, it's not nice. :(

I know this isn't what your thread is about but I'm intrigued aobut this arrangement where nursery children effectively start school a term early to help with transition to reception class.

How do they fit them all in with the existing reception children?

Why don't people just carry on at nursery - after all, most schools have a staggered start for reception anyway and a good range of transition activities to help the new children settle in.

Thank you for kind answers
Fwiw - she is precious. She's my pfb who arrived very prematurely and nearly died. Maybe I should explain this very clearly to the teacher and maybe then she'd understand her eating habits a little more!
Do schools have similar confidentiality policies to nurseries (that's what I'm most familiar with) does anyone know - can't find it anywhere on their website?!
Also, think the teacher definitely meant what she said - she just didn't think I'd react because I'm young and naturally reserved.
She definitely will not be staying for lunch anymore and will be having packed lunches in September.

Is this a state school? How does the reception staff deal with their 30/60/90 on site children and then these extra kids?

I don't think her eating habits are necessarily connected to being premature? I have 27 weekers and no issues with food - I only say that in response to you suggesting if the teacher knew she was premature she'd understand why she had issues with food.

I actually think sometimes social eating can assist - she'll see all the other children eating, may want to fit in, do the same as they're doing??

She's not compulsory school age yet - so no not until September

She is entitled to free school meals.
I teach reception and my class get them. It's not to do with being compulsory as far as I know.

If the parents are all silently waiting for the children to go in (which I'd be amazed at since in my experience people are chatting and not paying much attention), then the teacher announcing information about your child would be wrong.

However, it is perfectly acceptable to have quick chats in the yard about day to day stuff. Most teachers don't have the time to take parents inside for private chats unless it is an incredibly sensitive topic or will require a more in depth conversation. Mainly because they won't be the only parent they need to see and most parents would irate at being pulled into school for an appointment to discuss a fairly minor issue.

Pipbin the op's child is effectively in nursery. Nursery children aren't part of the free meals programme.

I would delay school meals for the moment. Dd2 has some sensory issues and has only started eating lunches (once a week) in yr3. For her it wasn't simply that she was fussy, she eats anything as long as it isn't too spicy at home. At school sometimes the pasta is too hard, to soft, potatoes are overcooked, sauce on the chicken, veg under/overcooked. I'm not saying my food is perfect, but it is consistent. She will eat at restaurants so not too fussy, but school lunches are varying quality and temperature. Now she is older the lunchtime supervisors are less insistent on making her eat things and she is capable of being more vocal in her objections.

I would complain about the teacher and wait until yr1 or yr2 at least before trying lunches again.

OP, I'm still confused about how the extra nursery children manage to get squeezed into the reception class - both literally and educationally. What a job for the reception teacher!

Had similar with DD. She started at school nursery, full time, just before she turned 4. School likes all nursery children have school lunches to assist with socialisation and cutlery skills etc. School lunches in Wales aren't free. As it turned out, the children got no choice about their food so DD regularly got something covered in sauce or gravy. She doesn't like gravy or sauces. No, she couldn't have her food without gravy because they "don't pander to fussy eaters" (said in front of other parents). She's not much of an eater during the day anyway, but I begrudged paying £2.20 a day for her not to eat anything. (I offered to go in at lunchtimes to take gravy around in a jug for the children that wanted it if there wasn't any capacity to do it, but no.)

The second nursery year was over I switched her to packed lunches, which she picks at at school and finishes in the car on the way home before dinner. . Costs me much less than £2.40 a day (as it is now).

YANBU at all. I can't believe they're still doing this, I thought school dinner policing was phased out in about 1985.

Go back to plan A and take her home for lunch, or educate the teacher on her behaviour, or educate your daughter on how to make friends and influence people by giving away the food she doesn't want. Or all three.