Have I really made a baby with a child abuser?

[TurtleNeckJumper]

I began seeing someone. A year ago, I was told that I couldn't have children, so after knowing this person's sexual health, we stopped using contraception.

I fell pregnant. I'm actually overjoyed, of course! I've always wanted to have children, so it was lovely news. However, my 'partner', isn't working; he has also got £60,000 worth of depts. He told me that it was because his mother had died and he developed bad depression and had to go into hospital, etc.

So I have been supporting him and helping him find a job, he has been to several interviews and didn't get any - which I'm now not even sure if it's true!

Around 2 weeks ago, I met his sister for the first time, in a rather unpleasant way. She came banging on my door, pushing and shoving 'my partner' and shouting how he is lucky she hasn't killed him, etc.

She then turned around to me and said I'm a fool to be with a man who beats up children. I asked him to leave for the afternoon... I got talking with his sister, over Facebook. Saying that he was inside for hurting her son.

I don't know how to confirm who is right? I'm just so lost with it all.

You needs facts. First hand, solid facts not gossipy stuff.

Google. Phone police. etc etc

And leave. Your much-wanted child does not need to be around a child abuser.

I am not seeing any positives. This man does not have a job. He just sits around while you support him? He has had depression but nolonger needs treatment but has not started to look for a job.

Going through menopause reduces your chances on conceiving but until you have finished menopause you can still convince.

What a terrible shock.

There are numerous agencies who can help with this dilemma.

I can only echo everyone else. You really do need to contact the Police and ask them about this. Also a Google search would quite likely show up Court or newspaper reports from the time (if your partner was in fact convicted of assaulting a child and sent to prison).

Yes, there are other issues to be resolved - namely huge debts, untreated depression and lack of employment - but all of those things are fixable if your partner wants to fix them and is an otherwise decent bloke.

If he is a child abuser then none of those things matter a damn do they? I'm sure you couldn't contemplate raising your precious child with a man convicted of assaulting someone else's child. Therefore to me, everything else are side issues. I would be concentrating on the main one for now.

Well, the positive here is that you have the pregnancy you never thought you'd have. I'd be rid of him though.

Run op. Fast and as far away as possible.
It's very likely your baby will be on the At Risk register when it's born if you stay.

A prison sentance for a child related offence is a pretty strange thing to accuse someone of if not true given how easy it is to find out that sort of information these days.

One would think if you were going to lie about that you wouldn't include a prison term conviction you would be more likely to say "social services got involved but NFA due to age of child just told to keep child away from him"

Santas actually the £60,000.00 of debts (but in my case more) could've been spent on ensuring the case wasn't in media.

About 2-3 years ago I met a man online, very charming good job etc saw him for a few dates then it slipped out via text that something bad had happened (I think from what i recall I got the whole story) then when we were out for the day (Tate modern where I couldn't escape easily be kept talking at me and I recall leaning against railings outside where I couldn't escape) turns out he'd been accused but convicted for serious assault (assuming ABH or GBH) towards an "exGF" in her house and then her friend lied for her etc to ensure he was convicted, the exGF also had a father who was high up somewhere and helped with conviction. Anyway he was sent to prison for about 18 months, apparently unfair conviction then she tried (can't recall why or how) to get him convicted again but this was overturned. His new GF who he met who had money paid for him to have his name removed from all social media, Google etc. they are now broken up. His main worry (of course he can't do this now) is he is a qualified solicitor (only did property) and for some inane reason I think he thought (but knew) he couldn't practise this again.

Anyway I appreciated his honesty (and I think posted about it here at the time) but it didn't take away from the fact that he did assault a woman and seriously enough to be convicted. I realise there could be a miscarriage of justice but I'd want to read court reports etc before dating someone like that properly.

I do realise also that there are two sides to every story, however I also work for a lawyers and have worked in Probation offices and bail hostels before so know the are all types of offender and witness etc.

I was lucky in that I wasn't in too deep and hadn't slept with him. But it was enough of a red flag to make me run very fast the other way.

But sorry to say in your case it seems though this man is a liar as well as many other things, of course he doesn't have a job yet because he either discloses or fails to disclose his prison sentence.

I'd walk away fast, have the baby and maintain strict NC. This is one of those times and situations when you are quite justified in NC from him forever.

This was two weeks ago? Is he still living with you?

Congratulations on your unexpected pregnancy. You are about to become a mother, start making better decisions.

Even without the alleged conviction/abuse he doesn't sound like he enhances your life.

Congratulations on pregnancy!

I'd try and find out ASAP. Don't rely on gossip if otherwise he's a good guy (lets put the other stuff you've mentioned like debts, unemployment etc to one side). It could be that the sister is just angry with him and was spreading rumours.

But if you are already believing her and doubting him take a step back and decide it you want to be with him and have him supporting you and being there as DC dad. Is a good bloke you can trust and you want as a partner? Will he be a good dad who'll do his bit?

Sit down with him and ask him to tell you the full story. What's his life story? Get him to fill in the gaps - year by year, where did he work, who are is mates, anything special he did in that time. What's his relationship with his family? Does he see them? Why not (if not)? If he won't tell you then don't trust him!

Then Google his name, check Facebook, contact your local police station, snoop on his paperwork, check his phone....double check what he tells you adds up.

Get in contact with the police

I'd be inclined to run fast and not to put his name on the birth certificate

Police NOW.

And YY about thinking ahead and wondering if it's worth putting him on the birth cetificate etc...

You absolutely need to follow every avenue to find out if this is true, OP. And if it is, hopefully you can take steps to ensure your child will be safe. I hope for your sake that it isn't true. (But still, he's a cocklodger.)

Thank you all for the advice